Help me find a thread....

[iamjero]

It listed a bunch of crazy sexual positions and explained them. Ex snowballing, donkey punching, ect...

[omega2K4]

Nice signature.

I'll try to search for something now.

EDIT: I can't find anything.

[bermuDa]

there's probably stuff in the urban dictionary...

I compiled a small list on my own website a couple years ago. To save bandwidth I'll just paste it here:

OVEN STUFFER ROASTER 1. n. Type of chicken that is usually seasoned and baked for an extended period. 2. n. The unusual method of inserting your finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is more effective from behind (see NEW JERSEY MEATHOOK).



HIGH DIVE: /hi-div/ 1. n. Act of jumping out of a plane and free falling toward earth at nearly 200 mph. 2. The skill of pulling your johnson all the way out of your partners hole, and in one motion, swiftly jamming it home again. Best used in Corn Hole technique, but dangerous.

SHOP-VAC: /shop vak/ 1. n. An industrial vacuum cleaner able to pickup large quantities of material and liquids. 2. Sexual equivalent. The act of making a girl inhale your hog from behind while you're "pulling the V" (see FRUIT BASKET, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).

TEA-BAG: /tee bagg/ 1.n. A sack like structure containing flavored leaves that is attached to a string and dangled in water to give it flavor. 2.n. A sack like structure containg my fat balls that is attached to my massive unit and is stuffed into the mouths of young girls to make them make a "wamuphm" like noise. 3.v tea-bag(ing) the act of stuffing them with the sack filled with my fat balls.

ARABIAN GOGGLES /a-RA-be-an GAU-gals/ 1.n. Eyeglasses originating from the Middle Eastern region of the world; specially designed with hooded sides to protect the desert camel driver in extreme sand and wind storms common to the area. 2. n. A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in said gogglee's eye sockets.

SAMOAN PILE DRIVER: /suh-MOan Pyl-dryver/ 1. n. A virility dance practiced throughout Samoan tribes in the Ganges River Basin. 2.n. A large crane-like machine used to extract diamonds from the Samoan Diamond Mines of Carnutspa. 3. n. Asexual position that occurs when the woman's back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down (See also FLOAT VALVE). The practitioner of the Pile Driver stands above the woman and points his shit due south, simply bending his knees for repeated bludgeoning. This process is repeated while screaming,
Abdaay....goony,goony,goony...ABDAY. ABDAY. ABDAY. HA!" Repeat and rinse.

CLEVELAND STEAMER: /KLEEV-lund STEE-mrhh/ 1. n. A water-based merchant cargo vessel originating from a large Ohioan city near LakeErie. 2. n.(slang) The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penal (that is, penis) pleasure from friction between the mammaries. (see HAWAIIN MUSCLE FUCK and PASADENA MUDSLIDE)

DIRTY SANCHEZ: /dur-TEE SAN-chez/ 1. n. a filthy hair-lipped mexican peasant. 2. n. The act of fingering a chick's cornhole, and wiping the remaining detritus on her upper lip while screwing her from behind, thus leaving a trail of shite moustached across her visage.

TOPEKA DESTROYER: / TOE-pek-a d'stroi-yrr/ 1. n. An ironclad American warship fabricated in the poorly placed shipyards of Central Kansas. 2. n. The act of vomiting directly onto your partner's head while recieving fellatio. (See COLD LUNCH)

CAJUN HOT STICK: /cage-in hot sti-ck/ 1. n. A spicy meat stick. 2.n. The act in which the cock is taken out of her pooper (see also CAJUN LOG) and slathered in the pool of dip spit in the small of her back and then re-inserted.

RIM: /RIM/ 1. n. the outer often curved or circular edge of something. 2. the outer often wrinkled and dark brown edge of the shit shoot. 3. v. (ing) the art of exploring this prune-like orifice with your tongue (see also "ANAL TONGUE DARTS")

GREEK: /gr-ek/ 1. n. A man or woman that was born in Greece. 2.v. The act of using your glue stick (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your said partner's eyes closed. i.e. "Hey guys, check it out, "I greeked her" or "I'm sorry honey, but you asked for the "greek salad".

DUTCH OVEN: /duh-shovin/ 1. n. a cast-iron kettle with a tight cover that is used for baking in an open fire. 2. n. entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass-odor by farting under the covers and pulling them up over her head (and yours as well if your into it.)

DUTCH TREAT: /dush-treet/ 1. n. a meal or other entertainment for which each person pays his own way. 2. n. the unexpected result of a dutch oven gone bad. (see also "GAMBLING and LOSING")

BEEF CURTAIN: /BEEF kurtun/ 1. n. A temperature barrier to protect a meat locker from harmful heat and bacteria. 2. The skanked-out remains of the labia after being stretched like play-doh from an hour of jammy-jam (see also BEEF DRAPES and MEAT TARP).

THE MOOSE: 1. n. An elk-like animal found mostly in the north woods of Wisconsin and areas of Canada. 2. n. The sign given to a kickee when in doggie style. It is performed by placing both hands over your head with palms facing out and waving your fingers wildly.

THE NIXON: 1. n. An American President who was forced to resign in 1973 amidst allegations of campaign fraud. 2. n. A variation of THE MOOSE in which you give two peace signs as your indication of dominance. (Optional: You may yell "I'm not a crook" This is considered a very bold rendition and is very rarely done.)

CHRISTMAS TURKEY CARVER: 1. n. A large, straight knife used to slice a cooked bird before consumption. 2. n. The person doing the carving. 3. n. The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voracioulsy pumping your digits in and out, maintiaing a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power pivot. (see also SHOCKER and MACHINE GUN KELLEY). 4. n. The person doing the carving. (see RON JEREMY)

GLAZED DONUT: /glaz-d DO-nut/ 1.n. a sugar coated baked pastry characterized by its round shape and puckered hole in the middle. 2. n. The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spoo-ing all over her pastry buns, thus transforming her rump into theillusion of an oversized quivering glazed donut.

HOT LUNCH: 1.n. Any of a myriad of well-balanced and pre-prepared meals, delivered warm to the children at lunch time in the school cafeteria. 2. n. The result of defecating directly into your partner's mouth.

VEGETARIAN HOT LUNCH: 1. n. A variation of the above for students who are inclined not to eat animal products. 2. n. A variation upon the aforementioned meal in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with animal product ocurrs. (see DENTAL DAM)

SCABBY D: /skab-E DE/ 1.n. a rapper from Des Moines with a bizarre speech impediment. 2. n. The unfortunate occurrence for a male due to a practice of dry fucking in blue jeans sans undergarments. One of the most feared of all sexual accidents.

NEW JERSEY MEATHOOK: /nu jer-ZE mEt-huk/ 1.n. Any of a breed of rusty,sharp east-coast ceiling hooks used to hang beef sides in a meat locker. 2.n. The act of inserting your finger into the ass of your partner, and while screwing her from behind, using only your arm muscles to control the consummation rhythm and process. This method requires excellent restraint and posture; hunchbacking or bending at the waist is never permitted. (see OVEN STUFFER ROASTER)

KENNEBUNKPORT SURPRISE: /ke-ne-bunk-port SU-pris/ 1.n. An unexpected gift from the Atlantic coast of Maine. 2.n. The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England Clam Chowder and screaming in disgust as you release it between your partner's legs while chowing box.

PAYING THE RENT: 1.n. A regularly scheduled exchange of equity for the right to reside on another's piece of real property. 2.n. A sexual position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, with the man holding the back of her calves and banging ferociously.

MANROE TRANSFER: /MAN-ro trans-fur/ 1.n. Any sort of exchange made in a quaint Connecticut town. 2. n. Any purchase of drugs at a McDonalds drive-thru window in said quaint Connecticut town. 3.n. The act when the woman's back and the bed areperpendicular but she is upside down (see SAMOAN PILE DRIVER), back-to-back with the right-side-up standing man. Through careful anal-orafice matching techniques, the man craps directly into the woman's upside-down pooper.

PASADENA MUDSLIDE: /pa-sa-dE-na MUD-slid/ 1.n. A massive erosion event caused by the combination of steep slopes and torrential rain in the San Fernando Valley of Southern California. 2.n. The act of leaving a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blow job. A close cousin to the CLEVELAND STEAMER.

DAVEY CROCKETT: /da-VE krok-et/ 1. pn. American folk hero of note, known as the king of the wild frontier, and recognized by his racoon skin cap. Reknowned for killing a bear when he was only three. 2. n. A sexual maneuver in which you slip a muscle relaxer into your partner's snizzpod, and slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap.

DOUBLE WISHBONE /dub-el wish-BON/ 1.n. An advanced shock-absorbency suspension system design found in most modern utomobiles. 2.n. The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while rational,is encouraged for future maneuvers.

[Sleepyjack]

Something like this?

COMPLETE listing of Deviant Sexual Positions.

Anal Boot [n] When you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it,
someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the
crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or Drinking
game.


Australian Death Grip [n] The act of grabbing a woman by the
haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or
kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great
opportunity for wagering among friends.


Ball Sacking [v] streching of the scrotum over the face of someone sleeping
or passed out, having a picture taken and posting it on the internet Beef
Curtain [n] The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like
Play-doh for an hour or so of jimmy-jam (aka Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss
Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).


Blocking the Box [n] When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick -
he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his
load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (aka Access
Denied Error, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).


The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy
style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and
or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl's name
or state "Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever fucked". This gives
you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.


The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her.



Chocolate Cha-Cha [n] Anal Sex. Used in a sentence: "John and George
danced the chocolate cha-cha all night." (aka Driving the Hershey Highway,
Riding the Dirt Trail, Utilizing the Third Input, Poking the Brown Eye )


The Cleveland Steamer - Mentioned below in The Fountain of You. After
dumping your load on and around her chest--you position your ass just above
your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to
gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a
genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise you slide in your
spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your
wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more
authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.


Consolation Prize [n] When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking
you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding
her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your
pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her
back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got
is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.


Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of someone nasty and you
know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm
is wrapped around them. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get
out of the situation. Can be very painful.


Cum Dumpster [n] Refers to a girl who has been around the block quite a few
times, hence she is full of cum.


DDF [n] Distance Distortion Factor - refers to someone who may seem
attractive from far away but is ugly upon closer inspection - "good from
far, far from good". Used in a sentence: "Woah, she's hot... wait a
sec...ugggh major DDF!"


Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert
your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard
as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.


Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum,
sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the
head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work
correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.


The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone
doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it
out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This
makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very
popular European variation of this maneuver called "The Hitler" involves a
simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler's mustache.


Felching - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you
bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and
suck out your ranch dressing. (This is also the first step of a very
advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).


The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she
turns around in a one- eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are
doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye."


Fishhook - A variation of "The Shocker" (an uninvited digit placed in the
girl's anus ) in which, with the finger still up there, you "hook" back in
the direction the pussy. No real purpose here other than to think to
yourself while doing it, "ahhh yes the Fishhook......". Another variation
called the "New Jersey Meathook"
involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl's anus while fucking her
from behind. You finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull
her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.


The Flying Camel
- As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees,
you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up.
You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much
like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.


The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your
ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before
releasing. Then spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and
tits. (Better in her bed). This is also a variation of the first stage of
a Cleveland Steamer to be described later.


Fumilingus [v, n] When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and
she farts directly in his face.


Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though,
that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you
to beat the piss out of her.


Game of Smiles [n] This games involves men sitting around a circular table
and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who
"smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest.


Going to the Bullpen [v] The act of fingering the anus prior to having anal
sex. It kind of "paves the way".


Goobin [n] One of the many wives had by an old-style Mormon who is not the
main wife. The setup usually involves having your one "main" wife and the
rest of your other wives who are strictly used for procreation. Hence
"Goobin" - a bin for his goo. Used in a sentence: "Mary's one of John's
goobins".


The Halmstad Hook - As mentioned above in Felching. This is a unique
sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently
happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce
is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from
her bowls to your mouth--the product that has been created is now known as
"Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is
transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this
off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and
appreciate all her hard work.


A Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the
bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning.
Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.


Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, (her, on her back, you
straddle her chest) you proceed to shit on her chest--just for the hell of
it. She then becomes the "Lunch Lady."


Jim Henson [v] When you fist someone and physically lift them off the
ground. (aka The Muppett, Ass Puppett, Meat Puppett)


Kennebunkport Surprise [n] The act of covertly filling your cheeks with
chunky-style New England Chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it
between your partners legs while giving oral sex.


Leave-in Conditioner [n] Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's
hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those
who refuse to swallow the evidence Matching Drapes [n] Reference to whether
or not a woman's pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a
sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder do the curtains
match the drapes?".


Mung 1[n, v] Two people dig up the corpse of the recently deceased. One
undresses the mungee and places his mouth over the sexual area. The other
backs up and does a running jump onto the corpses chest. The second person
has to eat everything that enters his mouth. Insult, seen here in context:
"I'm going to mung your grandmother!"


Mung 2 [n, v] What runs out the twat of a very pregnant girl who has been
beaten on the swollen belly.


New York Style Taco - (Also known as a wet Betsy) - Anytime when you are so
drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixin's.


Paying the Rent [n] A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees
above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs her
ferociously.


Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl - it takes on
the look of beautiful jewelry Pet Shop- Inserting a small rodent such as a
mouse or hampster in the anal cavity or if a woman is very stretched, in
the vagina and left to roam around. The name comes from an English pop
group Pencil Sharpener [n] A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob
that scrapes your willy up something awful.


Pink Glove - This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a
second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and
attempt to pull out to give her money or whatever, the inside of her
twatsticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove. Thus, the pink
glove.


Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your
pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of
her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out
of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion
necessary to clear the high bar.
Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka
in the 1979 Olympics Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving
you oral sex and you pull your penis back slightly before poking it back
into the inside of her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar
to that of a purple mushroom.


The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her
head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should
allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile
sensitivity.


Reading the Defense [n] The concept of a guy making a split second decision
when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his
girlfriend/wife. "Reading the Defense" refers to making all of the proper
"game time adjustments" not to get caught cheating later on at some point.
Having Beer Goggles makes it very hard to Read the Defense.


Redwings: (n.) One who has eaten a ragging chic out, has received his redwings.
submitted by John F Rusty Trombone [n] The process by which one person is
tossing a guy's salad, and then reaches around and gives them a hand job.


San Diego Surprise [n] The act of bringing a girl home and while fucking
her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a
consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored
to work about one third of the time.


The Southern Trespass [n, v] The Southern Trespass most frequently occurrs
when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady
friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply
because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina
to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act
catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to
the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of
his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the
coveted Southern Trespass.


The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking
off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.


Throwing A Pickle Down A Hallway [v] When you've just layed the pipe to
some chick (usually fat) who has a big loose box. Used in a sentence: I
may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking
Fat Fanny's loose gash.


Tossing Salad [n] Licking another's anus. Done in prison as payment for drugs.


Tuna Melt - Lights out, you're down on a chick lapping away at an unusually
juicy slab when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the
month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews,
tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. (this only work
with chicks who REALLY cum hard).


Tupperware Party [n] When three guys are triple-teaming a chick ... one
with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her
anus. So named because she is sealed air-tight.


Twinkler [n, v] When you are 69-ing and she gags on your member and you can
see her bung-hole pucker up.


Times Square Shuttle [n] You have two girls with you and they are in the 69
position with each other. You then alternately fuck each of them while
they chow each other. You go from the missionary position on one and run
to the other side and work in doggie style on the other one. Repeat as
many times as necessary / possible. (aka Burning the Candle at Both Ends,
Playing Ping Pong, The Gunga Din)


Valsalva [n] The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's
nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to
the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman
is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets
the stage for what the rules of engagement will be ahead.

[iamjero]

Yea thats it. Thanks man.

[cas305]

LOL those are great, nice post!

[santafe5000]

who ever thought all these up has WAY TO MUCH TIME on their hands. Great set of ideas.

[shannon]

very nice boys.
i especially liked the way you have the multiple meanings of the definitions, bermuDa.
thanks for a couple laughs before i go to bed.