piismyname

I had a weird thought that others must have had as well. Let's say I get in a car accident and end up in the hospital with two broken arms. Am I just destined to have no orgasms until I get out? I would end up embarrassing myself with nocturnal emissions before too long. Is there a super secret elite group of nurses out there who stealthily give helpless guys relief, or is that thought just a fantasy dreamed up by porn producers?

Willravel

Yeah, they're called girlfriends.

Giant Hamburger

The_Jazz

Giant Hamburger wins, as usual.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Mister Coaster

Yeah, nurses have sex with patients and other doctors all the time! Oh wait... thats only in porn.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

Daniel_

There are nurses that have sex with patients.

They're the male nurses in prison hospitals...

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Martian

If you think people in hospitals are concerned about your level of embarrassment, you're in for a surprise should you ever be hospitalized.

No, there are no hand job nurses.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Baraka_Guru

Depending on any other injuries or conditions arising from the car accident, I think the best you could swing is a digital prostate massage.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

RetroGunslinger

Do you look and sound like Brad Pitt? No? Then no.

__________________
It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay.

M.B. Keene

fresnelly

Actually, I believe in a Scandanavian Country that I can't quite recall, there is this sort of service for the severly disabled. I vaguely recall a CBC radio report on the debate about whether to subsidize the service with public funds.

I'd do some research on the internet but I'm not sure I want to open that particular Pandora's Box.

__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

Kahn

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=132347

__________________
Attention everyone: We have another potential asshole in the area !

You don't have bad luck, the reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass !!

Dinner $50
Drinks $30
Motel $40

Finding out she swallows -
PRICELESS!!!

savmesom11

The only contact you are gonna get with broken arms from a nurse is when she rolls you over to wipe the ass you no longer can. After that you are no longer a sexual being in her mind.

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

MSD

Nurses will jerk you off, junkies are cramming HIV-infected needles into payphone change slots, and if you take LSD three times you're legally insane but they can only detect it with a spinal tap.

eribrav

I vaguely recall hearing that but I'm not sure her name was Pandora!

Fotzlid

thenewguy

What's to say that having 2 broken arms would require one to be hospitalized overnight? They would splint your arms & discharge you.

Baraka_Guru

Hee hee. ...you said discharge....

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

blahblah454

Wow, sometimes TFP reminds me of junior high for some reason.

Charlatan

Why waste money on an overnight stay when all you *need* is a quick discharge?


(had to be said again)

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Sharon

Yes, absolutely... as long as you go to a hospital where all the nurses are under 25, unusually attractive and fit females, wear shiny PVC uniforms a size too small / 6 inches too short that expose their breasts, have too much makeup on, are so clumsy that they keep dropping things and bending over at the waist to pick them up (and are either wearing lacy thongs or nothing, bringing up two health and safety concerns, one being that they should bend at the knee when picking things up) and seem worryingly attracted to the ugliest, hairiest patients they can find. In which case you need to be horrible looking, because in these sorts of scenarios the only good-looking males who ever seem to get their hands on the gorgeous cum-hungry wenches are the oversexed doctor hunks.

Hope that clears things up.

Average_Joe

Sure, that would be the head nurse that does that.

__________________
I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

Charlatan

*rimshot*

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Giant Hamburger

genuinegirly

Now that's a scary-looking device.

I honestly think this service would be demeaning and a complete waste of a nurse's time and resources.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

LoganSnake

The cows seem to like it just fine.

And it wouldn't be demeaning if she was into it.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

jewels

Don't know why, but your post made me think of Boxing Helena. *Shudder* One of those movies that gives me the creepies but I couldn't stop watching it.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

ratbastid

Where is this hospital exactly?

No, but I'm glad you cleared up one of those health and safety concerns. I wondered, briefly, if those concerns were individually anatomical.

Sharon

Not allowed to tell you, which is just as well... can't have a bunch of TFPers showing up at my place of work asking for Sharon to kiss their ouchie better now, can I?

ItWasMe

I was laughing and thinking the same thing.

I was in a car accident about 6 weeks before you posted this. No broken bones, thankfully. Just a torn up and banged up (mind out of the gutter) face that's now littered with small scars. I can safely assure you that if both of your arms were broken...either:

a) you would be too doped up on pain killers..., or
b) you would be in too much pain because you could not get the danged pain killers into your mouth with casted arms that obviously don't bend....

... to care about southern hospitality.
Boys.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

dlish

id have to agree with itwasme

you wouldnt even get a hard-on sitting in a shared room that smelt like disinfectant with 3 others with 2 broken forerams while doped out on painkillers.

it may sound like the ultimate fantasy, but the only nurse that'd take care of you would be one that u call up at ungodly hours and pay your benjamins too before she started the 'caring'.

my question is.. how will you hand over the benjamins with two broken forearms??

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Martian

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Halx

When I worked in tech support, I had this long conversation with a guy who called in just to talk. He was paralyzed and he told me the military paid for all of his care. This included all the recreational drugs he needed and a "sex therapist." This therapist would come and basically jog his hot dog once a month. I don't know how truthful he was being, but it was an interesting talk that took an hour out of my boring day.

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