abaya

I'm curious about the Standard Operating Protocol (especially for people who are married/in long-term relationships) for getting the woman wet during foreplay. I don't mean HOW you do it... different strokes for different folks, heh. I mean, who usually does it, and what happens when it doesn't work, etc.

I should state that I'm not the type who turns on a faucet in her crotch at the moment my man touches me... even if I'm extremely horny, it takes a bit of work to get things flowing down there, and often we don't have the time/patience for that. So we keep some lube next to the bed for easy access, which usually resolves the issue.

But the fact remains that usually, it's my husband who is doing the getting-me-wet work, and/or the lubing... and this dynamic isn't always ideal, since the burden is all on him. I've tried doing it myself as well, but somehow it doesn't have the same effect. So I'm here to ask the TFP about how other couples resolve this issue, especially if the woman doesn't get wet very easily.

Men, how do you approach this kind of situation? Women, do you take the work into your own hands, use a vibrator, etc?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

dlish

my mrs has no problems in that regard.

not sure if im 'that good' or what...but its always me doing the hard yards, but i have no problems with that..id rather be doing the work

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

levite

So far I've mostly been with women who, if anything, seem to have the reverse issue.... But I can also say that my favorite thing in the entire universe is going down on a girl, so usually the first thing I do when I get a girl naked is make a nose-dive for the pearly gates. Once I'm done, she's usually plenty wet....

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

TotalMILF

Oh man, this is SO never a problem for me. The one and only time we've had to use lube was when I was massively pregnant and bone dry (hehe, bone). Stupid hormones. We've actually had to stop and wipe up juices before, hehehe. Usually just kissing is enough to get me super wet.

Some women make a LOT of lube naturally, some don't. *shrug* Just keep your lube handy, I guess.

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"I'm sorry, all I heard was blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp."

abaya

Thing is, it's not like I never get wet. There are plenty of times when I get REALLY wet... and that's great when it happens. Really intense and passionate kissing does the job, as do extended oral sessions, but we don't do those things every time. Do most people?

I mean, for y'all who make love 3-4 times a week, especially weeknights... how much time do you spend in each session? I find that if we just want to get it on before we go to sleep, we don't really go through all the steps of a heavy session. And then natural lubing usually isn't enough... hence the OP.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

dlish

i guess it varies on many things. what time i have work the next day, how long ive been at work, what mood im in.

anywhere between 20 mins for a quickie - to an hour for a long average.

just a question though.. you make it sound like natural lubing is a choice..i thought its as much a choice as a man having an erection while getting it on..

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

jewels

I'm with dlish. You guys should take an extra 10 minutes, if that helps. I know you know that there are more ways to touch than passionate kisses and oral sex, and a lot of that works for some of us.

And besides, what's wrong with a long session if it works for both of you? In my last relationship, we'd make love each time we turned over in the night, making it to our jobs with hardly any sleep. That kind of exhaustion is easy to handle with that glow and big grin on your face.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

girldetective

I have never taken the work into my own hands per se, not when with a partner. (Saliva is your best friend.)

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snowy

I read some erotica shortly before bed to do the work for me. Reading smut always seems to do the trick, and it definitely gets me in the mood.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

abaya

Actually, I WISH it were a choice... but instead, it seems to depend on my mood, how tired I am, how long the foreplay lasts, how horny I am, how horny my husband is, how much water I drank that day, god knows what else... it's definitely not "automatic."

So I feel like I have very little choice at all about how wet I am, and it just depends on my body and what other variables are going on at that particular moment. Most of the time we have sex, I'm not as wet as I'd like to be. And then occasionally, I'll be dripping wet, usually due to prolonged and intense foreplay... but taking THAT long to have foreplay, during the week, just seems improbable. We both wake up before 8am, we like to get our 8 hours of sleep, he's working 40 hours and taking a night class... so a lot of times we're just trying to squeeze in a little nookie before sleeping, and we're not really taking the time.

Jewels, I like the idea of taking the extra 10 minutes or so, but going to work with that little sleep 3-4 times a week just isn't possible for us... how did you manage that, and for how long did that go on? I could see it for myself, for a brief period... but not for years and years, you know? Especially after we have kids and we're just completely worn out all the time... I dunno.

Maybe I should just start watching porn every night, since I don't have any erotica floating around as snowy said.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

canuckguy

I just spit on her woohoo and start thrusting.... (just kidding)

My lady friend suffers from the same thing as you abaya. Sometimes long foreplay for us is not an option and we use lube, but there really seems to be no hard and fast rule for what makes her wet.

If we do it for too long she also can get dry and we usually revert back to oral.

But wow when she is wet.....I know i am in for a very very good time! yum!

a quickie for us we be sub 20 minutes with a lengthy slap n' tickle fest lasting an hour or a bit more.

abaya

Hey, thanks for this post, canuckguy. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one lacking a crotch-faucet (as Crompsin would probably say, hehe).

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Willravel

Kol HaKavod! *high five*

This REALLY depends on the woman. I've been with water parks and deserts. Some are quick, while others are slow. I find the two best things to bring to the table are patience and lube.

Who is responsible currently? Me, I'd say, but it's more about me simply enjoying doing the stuff that happens to do the job. I'm a BIG fan of foreplay, so the prep-work is a labor of love (so to speak). On the off occasions when I'd like to hit a home run in the first inning, the lube is there to do it's work. And the towel.

levite

That was awesome! I am laughing my f'ing ass off!

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Leto

hey, here's another canuck guy saying that you aren't the only one. Sometimes natural lube is just not in the cards for us. Sometimes, we both fall asleep in mid-caress (perils of being parents to 3 kids and working fulltime) other times we just say catch you later - but when we do.... it's waterworks!

World's King

Astro-Glide...

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

buttless1der

A mans face should never leave the sweet spot until it looks like a glazed donut.

__________________
The measure of any government is how they allow their citizenry to defend themselves.
-Ted Nugent

Shauk

never been with anyone who had this scenario to present to me. I guess when it's hot it's hot

Plan9

Patience.

...and that dreaded f-word: foreplay.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

Maybe your music is playing so loud it actually shakes the liquid from her.

Daniel_

Erm...

I work for a company that makes lube, so I've usually got some knocking about.

That said, lots of foreplay is more fun, and I'm ageeing with the glazed doughnut comment above, but there are times when lube is handy, rather than ending up like a jam doughnut (or "jelly do-nut" to you collonials )

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Leto

mmmm doughnuts. This makes me want to go home now...

wonder how long it will take to drive through this snow storm.

Charlatan

my wife isn't all that into foreplay. she's more of a wham, bam, thank you sir type.

that said, she is usually ready.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

canuckguy

no worries, i am home from work now so i can post a bit more information.

She gets more wet if she is stimulated mentally (she loves to read erotica) than from physical touch. Also if i talk dirty which i suck at....pun intended...

I know even with my reassurance that i am cool with only oral or stopping if she is dry i can tell it bothers her, or more so she thinks it bothers me. I do my best to reassure her that if we stop or don't have sex and do some oral pleasure instead it still is a win-win lol.

I always tell her sex is like winning 1 million dollars and being paid in fifty dollar bills... oral is like 1 million dollars in twenties. Either way I am totally satisfied.

snowy

There's plenty of erotica on the web, if you look for it. Personally, I like to read fanfiction, and there's a lot of smutty fanfiction to be had. It's easier to separate the wheat from the chaff in fanfiction, so to speak.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

james t kirk

Without stating the obvious, it varies.

Though I do find that women who are dry are pretty much dry all the time and you need lube pretty much all the time.

Women who get very wet, well, they pretty much get wet all the time.

I've known women who were dry. You pretty much needed lube every time. You can chow down on them, sure, but it doesn't last and it's not equivalent to women who naturally cream very easy. There's not much you can do about it. It can be a drag having to "get the lube", however, I would not say that dry women aren't just as into sex as their wet sisters.

It's kind of like the female version of a hard on I know, but, I actually think it's more akin to some guys shoot geysers of cum and others just a couple of drops.

Plan9

A day without foreplay is like a day without sunshine!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ngdawg

Or any other nice little tube o'lube on the nightstand where you can just get it at a moment's notice without even turning around....
Take it from an oldie...the faucet doesn't always flow just because it's been turned on. Sometimes ya gotta fiddle with it.

Charlatan

Amen brother...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Baraka_Guru

...I'm sorry, before I get into this, I need a clarification:

Are you asking us how we SOP our women?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

abaya

It's really not a problem of using lube... we have this industrial-size bottle of Maximus lube (the best out there, in my opinion, for all orifices of interest) RIGHT NEXT to our pillows, practically. It sits on the bedframe at all times, ready to go... and we made sure to get the kind with the easy-pump on top, so we can use it one-handed.

But usually it's my husband who applies the lube when I need it... maybe after he's tried to get me wet for a while, and it hasn't worked... so it's all up to him to decide when and how to do these things. And I'm just wondering if y'all think that things should be more fair... that the woman should have to apply the lube sometimes, or get herself wet, even make herself have an orgasm during sex, etc... so that not all the pressure is on the man for all these things. Thoughts? I mean, where does this expectation on the man to do everything come from, I guess?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

HAHAHA!

Yeah, sop. Sopping. Haha, I immediately thought of biscuits-'n-gravy... and then I thought: "Oooh, labia-gravy."

Smooth, Baraka.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

Ha! I wish that was the problem. Sopping would be a welcome change.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

HAHAHA! Like more than two? Hmmm! ARMPITS!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

savmesom11

I hesitate referring to this as a problem as I too experience dry spells but if your feeling guilty about who applies it (and imo him applying it is just part of foreplay) apply it to him, thus he will slide right in. This is what I do, I rarely apply directly to myself and to see his eyes roll back when I do apply it to him is...well...win-win. I also don't see it as an intrusion or interference we keep it handy and it is just part of our sex life.

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

Daoust

Isn't drying up down there just a product of, dare I say it, getting older? I'm not an expert, so I'm genuinely asking.

__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

Willravel

It could also be a result of dehydration or... just genetics.

I have this bad ass glass carafe that's ALWAYS on my bed table filled with cool, filtered water. Why? Because I care.

ngdawg

I never had that thought-that is was "on the man", but a lot of men think it is and enjoy the "challenge". If you think about it, for men to show they're aroused they just have to get hard, but for women to show "evidence" of arousal, we have to get wet, otherwise the men aren't sure we are, so they work at that....that's my logic to it, at least. We can moan and writhe and fake all that, but getting sopped can't be faked, so when that happens, it tells the guy "I did it!".
We really need to kill the myth that it's the man's "job" and take our pleasures into our own hands........so to speak. It's ok to fuck without the workout and it's ok to fuck without the big "O" every time. And guys, we're not always dripping wet when we're aroused or horny, so don't take it personally....

Shauk

there is something to be said about rhythmic vibrations.

deep pulses of bass will do that to a person.

Plan9

Logic: "Yeah, but I can't get it in if you're not wet enough." *uses oral lube approach first*

Bingo. You're all over it, Dawg. Why is sex so stressful? We can't all be pornstars all the time. ... ... ... Except for moi, of course. My smoothspot is always hard.

You were saying? Rumor has it this thing makes for some big smiles.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."