the first blowjob - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

squeeeb · 09-29-2007, 10:35 AM

i wonder when the first blowjob was. did adam say to eve "here, lets put it in your mouth and see what happens"

did a caveman grab a cavewomans head and start thrusting?

did a woman start it? she looked at a penis and decided to kiss it?

i know the blowjob was around by then, but i like to think someone in colonial times once said "licke it, hortense"

any historic anthropologists know this one?

LoganSnake · 09-29-2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

In 1998, French writer/professor Theirry Leguay wrote "L'Histoire Raisonnee de la Fellation," which outlines the course of fellatio through myth, culture and art.

"L'Histoire," whose full title means "The Reasoned History of Fellatio," has not been translated for English production, yet is the only internationally known and published work on the origin of fellatio.

Leguay believed fellatio, the act of orally stimulating a man's penis, can be traced back to the Egyptians. He cited Greek philosopher Plutarch, in the first century A.D., recorded the famous myth of the gods Isis and Osiris. After Osiris' penis was removed, Isis created a replica out of clay and "blew" life into it, allowing Osiris to copulate one last time.

http://media.www.lsureveille.com/med...-2049329.shtml

I don't think it's possible to trace the first blow job as I doubt somebody kept a sex journal that far back. Don't monkeys give each other blow jobs? By that notion, I'm sure the practice is prehistoric.

analog · 09-29-2007, 12:39 PM

Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close, and preferably moist... thrust, repeat.

- Dante, Clerks.

All it took was the first male to say "hmm.. that mouth looks warm and moist..." and probably as a result of the female's menstruation.

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 12:52 PM

Yes, like armpits.

Miss Mango · 09-29-2007, 01:53 PM

Ill bet it had something to do with Homo Erectus...

filtherton · 09-29-2007, 03:33 PM

I think jesus had something to do with it:

http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/conten...E5B94EE9697AAD

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 04:19 PM

Jesus: "Word up, motherfucker."

DaveOrion · 09-29-2007, 05:56 PM

Fellatio, blasphemy, and cursing, all in the same thread, this will be a popular one.

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 07:24 PM

"America - FUCK YEAH!"

---

And patriotism.

DaveOrion · 09-29-2007, 07:28 PM

Fuckin aye right, suck cock, love America, and Jesus is Jumpin around the board.

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb

any historic anthropologists know this one?

Dood, you should frame this ala Genesis from the Hebrew Bible.

Quote:

"And God gave man raging manhood and it was good. And he rested. And on the next day God gave man woman and she was hot. And he rested. And on the following day, man rammed his throbbing vein-sausage into woman's gullet and it was AWL GROOD and man climaxed, refused to cuddle, and fell asleep... and it was a sign of things to come."

DaveOrion · 09-29-2007, 07:34 PM

Thats so inspirational I could just cry.

Push-Pull · 09-29-2007, 07:42 PM

Does the next verse go into how the man left early the next morning, and didn't scroll her for a few days?

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 07:56 PM

Totally.

Eve: "You bastard. You said you'd text me! You're lucky you're the only piece of meat in this garden!"

DaveOrion · 09-29-2007, 08:13 PM

Totally blasphemous, no class or taste whatsoever, you go cromp.......God wont strike you down, but a pissed off fundamentalist might.

Plan9 · 09-29-2007, 08:20 PM

I served my time in hell, Dave. Religion has no place for me anymore.

The love of god is like Afghanistan's winter nights: cold and remote.

Ustwo · 09-29-2007, 08:59 PM

Even Chimps have oral sex.

Your 100,000th great grandmother might not have been human, but she gave head.

analog · 09-29-2007, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Push-Pull

Does the next verse go into how the man left early the next morning, and didn't scroll her for a few days?

Awesome line. Laughed my ass off at "didn't scroll her"...

xxxafterglow · 09-30-2007, 02:28 AM

I'm sure the primal curiosity "What can I put in my mouth" may have contributed as well...

Sultana · 09-30-2007, 06:17 AM

I am going to memorize this thread, starting with this:

Quote:

"And God gave man raging manhood and it was good. And he rested. And on the next day God gave man woman and she was hot. And he rested. And on the following day, man rammed his throbbing vein-sausage into woman's gullet and it was AWL GROOD and man climaxed, refused to cuddle, and fell asleep... and it was a sign of things to come."

Plan9 · 09-30-2007, 06:32 AM

I'm thinking about rewriting the whole chapter of Genesis for TFP.

Sultana · 09-30-2007, 07:05 AM

I'd pay for that.

LoganSnake · 09-30-2007, 07:50 AM

I wouldn't, but I'd still like to read it.

Challah · 09-30-2007, 09:23 AM

Quote:

"And God gave man raging manhood and it was good. And he rested. And on the next day God gave man woman and she was hot. And he rested. And on the following day, man rammed his throbbing vein-sausage into woman's gullet and it was AWL GROOD and man climaxed, refused to cuddle, and fell asleep... and it was a sign of things to come."

I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. Thank you.

Plan9 · 09-30-2007, 01:34 PM

(takes a bow)

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

MSD · 10-03-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crompsin

(takes a bow)

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

This would be a good time to let you know that you're one of my favorite people on TFP.

ItWasMe · 10-03-2007, 10:25 AM

When I first saw the header to this thread, I misread it to be "my first" instead of "the first."

09-29-2007, 10:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
squeeeb part of the problem Location: hic et ubique	the first blowjob i wonder when the first blowjob was. did adam say to eve "here, lets put it in your mouth and see what happens" did a caveman grab a cavewomans head and start thrusting? did a woman start it? she looked at a penis and decided to kiss it? i know the blowjob was around by then, but i like to think someone in colonial times once said "licke it, hortense" any historic anthropologists know this one? __________________ onward to mayhem!

09-29-2007, 12:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Yes, like armpits. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-29-2007, 04:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Jesus: "Word up, motherfucker." __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-29-2007, 05:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Fellatio, blasphemy, and cursing, all in the same thread, this will be a popular one. __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

09-29-2007, 07:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	"America - FUCK YEAH!" --- And patriotism. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-29-2007, 12:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
analog Banned	Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close, and preferably moist... thrust, repeat. - Dante, Clerks. All it took was the first male to say "hmm.. that mouth looks warm and moist..." and probably as a result of the female's menstruation.

09-29-2007, 01:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
Miss Mango Psycho	Ill bet it had something to do with Homo Erectus...

09-29-2007, 03:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	I think jesus had something to do with it: http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/conten...E5B94EE9697AAD

09-29-2007, 07:28 PM	#10 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Fuckin aye right, suck cock, love America, and Jesus is Jumpin around the board. __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

09-29-2007, 07:34 PM	#12 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Thats so inspirational I could just cry. __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

09-29-2007, 07:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
Push-Pull I'll ask when I'm ready.... Location: Firmly in the middle....	Does the next verse go into how the man left early the next morning, and didn't scroll her for a few days? __________________ "No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

09-29-2007, 07:56 PM	#14 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Totally. Eve: "You bastard. You said you'd text me! You're lucky you're the only piece of meat in this garden!" __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-29-2007, 08:13 PM	#15 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Totally blasphemous, no class or taste whatsoever, you go cromp.......God wont strike you down, but a pissed off fundamentalist might. __________________ *Syriana*...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

09-29-2007, 08:20 PM	#16 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I served my time in hell, Dave. Religion has no place for me anymore. The love of god is like Afghanistan's winter nights: cold and remote. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-29-2007, 08:59 PM	#17 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	Even Chimps have oral sex. Your 100,000th great grandmother might not have been human, but she gave head. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

09-30-2007, 07:05 AM	#22 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	I'd pay for that. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

09-30-2007, 07:50 AM	#23 (permalink)
LoganSnake We work alone Location: Cake Town	I wouldn't, but I'd still like to read it. __________________ Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

09-30-2007, 02:28 AM	#19 (permalink)
xxxafterglow Crazy Location: Berlin	I'm sure the primal curiosity "What can I put in my mouth" may have contributed as well... __________________ Uh huh her.

09-30-2007, 06:32 AM	#21 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I'm thinking about rewriting the whole chapter of Genesis for TFP. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-30-2007, 01:34 PM	#25 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	(takes a bow) Thanks, I'll be here all week. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-03-2007, 10:25 AM	#27 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	When I first saw the header to this thread, I misread it to be "my first" instead of "the first." __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe