seretogis

It really sounds like you do need to focus on yourself for the time being, not being an appendage of this girl you like. For me, moving was a big help in forcing me to focus on my "new life" here, and catch up with the past on my own terms, on my own timeline.

Try to complete yourself as an individual before you seriously think of complicating things by involving another person. Co-dependency is bad for both of those involved.

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seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

Plan9

Heck yes! Location, location, location.

I moved 600 miles away from my exwife to start over.

Thanks to the averages... I will never see her again in my natural life.

1: Move away. Distance is the perfect bandage.
2: Focus internally. Read books. Lift weights.
3: Get laid. (optional if you have a smooth spot like me)
4: Drink copious amounts of alcohol. Wild Turkey 101 is good.

Man, I need some crazy turkey now. Good thing I have some in the closet.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

tooth

And you guys have been talking on and off this whole time. Neither of you have stepped completely out of this relationship and gotten any perspective.

Shauk

by that logic, we never will because we're still friends, though we've both been in relationships since ours passed.

Cynthetiq

right but you both still carry torches for each other even though you've been in relationships. so the healing has never been able to happen properly.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Shauk

wow, been a while since my last post but...
I decided not to move in with her because when i went over to look for work,things were akward. Freshly single, still very emotional, and highly defensive against even the slightest kind gesture, basically she wasn't in the mood to harbor any nice feelings towards men at the moment.

Her ex's friend (a guy) has constantly been trying to take advantage of her emotional distress since she broke up with him. She basically tells me all of this in annoyance I suppose. I say through her attitude and she opened up to me, i flat out asked what she was thinking when it came to me and her, and she was honest and said that she can't think about that right now because she's so muddled over her last ex being such a complete failure, and the guilt she feels for making the choices that she has.

anyways so my plan when I got back to idaho was to just move myself to spokane. But I had unfinished plans to head back to seattle for a convention during the last week of august.


She offered up her couch once more.

4 days later I was to leave on monday, as she was going to be at work.

I woke up and she was still there, I noticed her car still out front, I was kinda curious so I went to knock on her door and she said come in, so there she is laying in her bed she had gotten up and showered and not bothered to get dressed, her clothes were still in a heap and she was under her covers from the shoulders down.

no, this isnt the intro to some adult action. Apparently she had gotten up to get ready for work just fine, but she decided to call in and become vegetative/emotional.

I found this extremely strange because she was put on prozac due to the depression of being left to hang out to dry by the guy she moved to Seattle for to begin with.

I don't really know what happened next. I started feeling weepy, because she was just crying softly into her pillow and I just sat there waiting for her to say something. But it was just silent for an hour before I could muster "why are you upset?" to which i "heard" "because you're leaving"

I didn't say anything then, I was just still kinda upset too cuz we had such a great weekend together and she's a great person to be around.

I go about my business and go take a shower and start getting my clothes together and start thinking about how logic and emotion never seem to be good bedmates. How opposites attract yet logic and emotion don't seem to do this.

I told her she should get up and get dressed so she can take in the last few hours with me while I'm still there at least. Went out to sit on the porch and just talked about stuff. Something felt "odd" about the whole thing in my head where she told me she was upset that I was leaving. Why would she tell me such a thing? she's never been so forthcoming and communicative with what bothers her before..

I asked her again "Did you say you were upset because I'm leaving?"

her eyes widened like she was in shock. "No, I didn't say that, when was this?"

"uh, in the bedroom like 2 hours ago?"

"I don't remember this conversation" she gets up and leaves the room.

again she's crying.

damn, what the hell just happened here? Was I right? did I HEAR HER THOUGHTS? is that shit even possible? so i'm severely creeped out at this point.

I follow her back in and she just says "I'm not ready to talk about that yet"

ok.. so, apparently I did hit something with that comment.

logic vs emotion. Logic would just dictate we'd be together. She's single, I'm single, we were good before we let garbage clutter our lives, we've cleansed ourselves of most if not all of this garbage, yet, we haven't changed at the core. She frequently brings up the sweet things I would do for her, or things I did for her on my visit out there that i've ALWAYS done for her but she never seemed to notice. Things as simple as unlocking her side of the car door 1st before getting in on my side in the street. reminding me of a pillow gift I bought her for no special occasion at all, merely because I was thinking about her, one she still keeps on her bed.

I had all this running through my head and I started to see she was conflicted between her logic and emotions. She loves me, she has told me this, again and again, she always will.

I can't figure out what to say, what to do, what IS there to say or do in this situation? you have a ex gf who still loves you, who you still love, just crying because you have to drive back home 300 miles away, back where she used to live.

I wanted to comfort her but I also refuse to be the clingy ex boyfriend, to make unwelcome advances, to cloud her emotions further with my touch, she's a very "physically expressive" person. It could have ignited into something either violent or loving (the shove or the kiss) and either direction at this point was premature, in my mind.

She's on medication for HIM. The other guy who shut her out, who stopped talking to her, she's always remained friends with her exes but apparently he was the only one to shut her down like this, who made no effort at continuing a friendship or at least treating her as a human being.

what blew my mind most of all is that I felt like I was the reason they broke up. I was at one point ready to cut her out of my life, realizing she was clouding my thinking, making it impossible to see the positivity in a new relationship because I judged everyone by her standard. yet less than 2 weeks after I tried to pull away from her entirely, to which she called me up crying, telling me how much it upset her, she broke up with him.

over me? because I wanted to escape her or be with her because of my feelings for her?

again, so confused by it all. I just said to her "It really makes no sense for you to be upset that I'm leaving"

"why?"

"all I am to you is a voice, a friend, a phone presence, or an online presence, thats all i've been to you for a year now... why does it matter if I leave? Unless that is, you have an emotional or logic "need" that is to require my physical presence"

again "I'm not ready to talk about this yet"

again it reaffirmed that I'm hitting the nail on the head, that I'm too close to her heart, yet at the same time, she's expressed guilt over everything in the form of "how can I know what love is if I treat the people I love, who love me, so badly, and the people who treat me like shit like they are entitled to me"

I don't know how this story ends. despite the title of "ex-boyfriend/girlfriend"
feelings aren't dictated by titles, they never have been. None of you have ever been broken up with or broken up with someone the instant your feelings were in line with this. I still loved her when she broke up with me, and I stopped loving or never loved girls that I have broken up with.

I can't even put my finger on it but, the drive home felt different this time.

abaya

Just keep walking away. She has her own issues she needs to resolve, and you can't fix those for her. Sorry, man. But you did the right thing.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Cynthetiq

she's not ready to talk about it, yet the deadline looms and passes.

life is having to deal with what you've been given and making the most of it.

she's got her baggage and she's got to resolve that herself. It's her thing, not yours. You aren't required to understand it. You've given her time to take action, she's refused to because as she said, "I'm not ready to talk about that yet." Well shit or get off the pot.

If you decide to carry a torch for this woman because it seems to be romantic, destiny, you can't do it any differently, then you deserve what you get since you aren't learning the lessons from this.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Shauk

I think she's just terrified and quite frankly, I can understand that.

there is a lot to lose, we're back in the position of your stereotypcal "Scariest relationship decision ever: which is to say, choosing to date your best friend.

which is to say, quite possibly, her only real friend in her mind.

Theres really nothing else for me to do though, i'm not looking for a lesson out of this. I'm focused on the logistics side of my life at the moment, finding a job about 50 miles west of here, and a place to live to go with it. gaining residency status in the state of washington so schooling options open up (cheaper in state tuition) and getting myself back in school

she's an auxillary concern to me because she's 300 miles away, I hadn't even been bothering myself with it since the last time I posted about it (check how old this thread is)

but i'm sure people understand, emotion is like bloodflow. You can have a numbness in your limb and once the obstruction is removed, you start to get feeling back, uncontrollably, you can't choose to stay numb.

this all seems so stupid to me though.

doesn't it seem obvious?

I love her
She loves me
you'd think that would be enough, but fucking no,things have to be complicated.

abaya

Nope, love usually isn't enough to make things work. Sorry, hon. Compatibility is something else altogether, not that love doesn't help of course, but there's got to be more than just emotion to keep two people together for the long run.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ballzor

Look man. I've come to understand that 95 percent of relationships are flawed from the get go. People take the love of another and build it up as if its going to solve everything. We experience a few moments of pure bliss and spend the rest of the time trying to get back to that, and when our desires dont pan out we act out in jealousy, rage, anger, do things we dont necessarily mean to in hopes that our partner will see the error of their ways and correct themselves. But listen, you are never going to find the peace you're looking for from a relationship, its only ever fleeting at best. I recommend you take a step back from your own head, and work on finding your own peace, the kind that doesnt require someone else to give from themselves for you to achieve it.

If you go into a relationship and are already at peace within yourself, then when things dont go your way, even though it may not be what you want you'll still be happy. Forgive her but moreso forgive yourself, and work on straightening out your own head.

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Le Berger, Le Mouton, Ce qui vous mangerait? Je ne sais pas. -let it all drop cause fuck it I guess we lost-
<Danao>I am french so excuse my langage..
<Krost> ^^
<Krost> I'm American so excuse my president.