Please tell me that this is not real - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Daniel_ · 11-20-2006, 12:18 PM

I saw this on another forum today, and I hope it's certainly not true - sounds horrific.

Has anyone tried it?

http://www.splange.freeserve.co.uk/memes/nettles.txt

Quote:

Use of Stinging Nettles
-----------------------

I have not so far found any literature on the use of stinging nettles to bring about a temporary penis enlargement.

The following is based on experience. It is clearly not suitable for any one allergic to stinging nettles. Arm yourself with a pair of thick gloves. Cut down a good quantity of fresh nettles. The best ones are young with pliable stems. A shopping bag full is about fine.Take a nettle and brush it against the head of your penis. If you haven't got an erection so far, this should bring one on. It doesn't hurt much, the sensation is rather good in fact. Brush some more nettles against your penis, the shaft as well. Gradually a rash will appear and little bumps. Keep going. The more you do, the greater the numbing effect so the next bit will be easier. Take a handful of nettles and crush them hard onto your penis. This may hurt, but rub them in well.

You can also take a nettle stalk (which is also covered in stingers) and wrap it around the shaft or behind the head. This is a good way of getting the poison in. Keep going with more nettles. As the poison gets in, the small bumps will join up. This is the desired effect.

As you keep on, the bumps turn into a large all over swelling. The more you do, the greater the swelling until your penis will be stretched real tight, bursting against its skin. I find an increase of about 50% in girth over a normal erection. The sensation is now between pain and pleasure.The nettles hurt, but the penis becomes super sensitive. As you go on the sensitivity will increase. Eventually you will reach the point where the sensitivity takes over from the pain.

Now your penis will start throbbing, but each throb will bring you closer and closer to orgasm. You can try to resist it, but it can be hard because chances are you will come without even touching your penis, the throbbing doing the job for you. The orgasm is intense - as much pain as pleasure. After orgasm you may remain quite erect, and a second spontaneous orgasm is possible within a very short time.

When finally flaccid, the penis will retain its girth but shorten, creating a massive, heavy weight swinging between your legs.The sensation will have gone, leaving your penis very numb to the touch.

A really weird feeling. Gradually - very gradually, the swelling will go down, but a huge lump may hang below the frenum for some time - a day or more. Now the skin has been so stretched it is very sore, and the sensation may make sleep difficult. Over the next few days the skin may start to peel off in a thin layer, leaving a new layer of soft skin underneath. Whether there is any permanent increase in size I couldn't say, but I guess the effect should be the same as a pump, if from the inside rather than the out.

Rubbing the stinging nettles into the scrotum and the anus can produce a good feel, but there is no swelling in the same way as the penis. You can also try filling your pants with nettles and taking a train ride. To do this, wear two pairs of pants, slip penis and scrotum through the fly of the first, and wrap over them a plastic bag full of nettles tied on loose with a rubber band.Try keeping a straight face as you walk, jog, cycle or ride a bumpy train.

(Ed's note: Dude! This is pretty fucked-up right here!)

Mister Coaster · 11-20-2006, 01:28 PM

I'll have to put this into the "Things I'm NEVER going to try" file.

I'm all for finding new ways to bust a nut, but this is WAY over the top for me.

Siege · 11-20-2006, 07:25 PM

I've heard that if you beat your penis with a hammer hard enough, the swelling will make it bigger.

And if you hit it REALLY hard, you just might orgasm.

Is the human hand really THAT bad for getting off?

MageB420666 · 11-20-2006, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Siege

Is the human hand really THAT bad for getting off?

[SARCASM]Didn't you know? Using your hand will make you go blind and cause hair to grow on your palms and tongue....[/SARCASM]

This sounds like something that only someone with masochistic leanings would enjoy, as it involves pain for the majority of the process. It also does not sound to good for the overall health of the penis and I believe could cause major damage in some people due to massive over-exposure of a sensitive area and possible sever allergic reactions.

cj2112 · 11-20-2006, 07:55 PM

I had to stop after the first sentence, I don't need to read the details to know that this is a bad idea.

Lady Sage · 11-20-2006, 07:56 PM

I dont even have a penis... yet I cringed...

analog · 11-20-2006, 08:02 PM

I'd have to say this is a stupid idea, if not a hoax.

Zeraph · 11-20-2006, 08:20 PM

I would say hoax. Only a masochist could endure that.

Infinite_Loser · 11-20-2006, 09:09 PM

I found it pretty funny. Meh... I might try it one day if I get really (And I mean REALLY) desperate.

Etarip · 11-20-2006, 09:40 PM

May I just cringe and say owwwwwwww....
(adds to list of things I really don't ever need to do)

Dilbert1234567 · 11-20-2006, 09:57 PM

oh god... i'm going to be sick...

Jackebear · 11-20-2006, 10:17 PM

You have to be wearing welder's gloves to take the plant and rub it against your penis let alone wrap it around the shaft. I accidentally touched this nettle plant once and I'm telling you once is enough. My hand hurt like hell.

This must be from some S&M, fetish or April Fool's joke site.
But then I'm thinking, if someone wrote this, someone thought about it and probably tried it. It's like the mentos and diet coke thing going on. Who thinks of this shit? Someone must and therefore someone probably has done it. Crazy but #$it happens.

Jimellow · 11-20-2006, 10:50 PM

No idea what a nettle is, but I was under the impression that orgasms are supposed to be enjoyable.

Dominique · 11-21-2006, 04:51 AM

This is criminal.

A hoax ... OK, but if someone is going to try this for real????
A visit to the doctor will be necessary....

Ok... if you access the page in the 'intended' way, you wil come via the entry page which says:

Code:

Welcome to Moose Mansions, my all-new migraine-inducing laughter page.

So... that says it all

Regards

Bill O'Rights · 11-21-2006, 05:27 AM

I, for one, would give a nice shiny nickle to know just how many idiots out there are just stupid enough to actually try this.

You know someone is gonna.

Charlatan · 11-21-2006, 05:41 AM

You know that there are *plenty* of wankers (ha!) out there that will have tried this... They deserve every bit of pain they get for being so criminally gullible.

paulskinback · 11-21-2006, 09:11 AM

I saw this in "Bizarre" magazine a few years ago, and they had pictoral evidence.

Wasn't sure if that was a hoax then, but i've never forgotton the pics

Cringeworthy for sure

Redjake · 11-21-2006, 09:24 AM

what the fuck is a nettle?

Slims · 11-21-2006, 09:49 AM

A nettle is a plant which has lots of small hollow hairs (needles) filled with acid. I am pretty sure it is formic acid, but I am not positive. When you brush up against a nettle, the hairs stick into your skin and break off, leaking the acid and causing pain and swelling. You are essentially left with hundreds of tiny thorns sticking in your skin which are too small to pull out and they all leak acid.

noodle · 11-21-2006, 05:28 PM

I think I'll give this a try... on my ex, with him duct-taped to the bed.

Kidding!

I now hurt in places I don't even have after reading that.

livewirerc · 11-21-2006, 06:11 PM

Believe it or not, this is actually something that is done by some people who are really into some sensations that I believe to be very unpleasant. I don't understand it but I've seen pictures of the afteraffects of everything from nettles to poison ivy, even fire ants. Yes, ouch, but some people get off on some odd stuff. If you are interested PM me and I'll see if I can find the pics...

Craven Morehead · 11-21-2006, 08:15 PM

If you google "stinging nettles penis" there are about 23,400 matches.

n0nsensical · 11-21-2006, 08:59 PM

I must have been to more dark corners of the internet than some of you.

some people get off on pain, its true. now I've had the experience of being stung by nettles (not on my genitals) and it isn't exactly pleasant but its nowhere near as bad as, say, poison ivy or a wasp sting. i think you could get away with this without requiring medical attention.

MSD · 11-22-2006, 02:11 AM

Post this article everywhere you can, claim you've done it and it's a lot of fun. We've done so much as a species to keep natural selection from hitting idiots, we should really start fighting back.

Bill O'Rights · 11-22-2006, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredweena

I think I'll give this a try... on my ex, with him duct-taped to the bed.

Remind me to never ever ever...piss you off.

Hell hath no fury...and all of that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

Post this article everywhere you can, claim you've done it and it's a lot of fun. We've done so much as a species to keep natural selection from hitting idiots, we should really start fighting back.

I'm in.

beavstrokinoff · 11-22-2006, 10:38 AM

That sounds just nasty. I think I'll never try that.

Daniel_ · 11-22-2006, 01:39 PM

That was basically my thought.

Ourcrazymodern? · 11-22-2006, 03:34 PM

OMG! ROTF(freaking)MAO. What forum was that, pray tell, so that I run away if I run into it?

JamesB · 11-22-2006, 10:44 PM

The nettles dont just have an irritant that makes your skin feel like its on fire .. they have extremely fine thorn-like shafts made of silica. Its similar to fiberglass in irritation pattern, etc.

This is one hell of a stupid idea.

Tirian · 11-23-2006, 08:56 AM

I know a woman who puposefully will brush them against her legs from time to time when she finds the plants. A light brushing on the leg is not too bad (I've walked through them in shorts) and she says it helps her arthritis pain.

The practice in question however will not be attempted by me !

Kazic · 11-23-2006, 09:01 AM

my 2 c, This is clearly a hoax. there is no way anyone would think " Hey you know what would really hit the spot right now? Yeah Some stinging nettles on my cock! thats what would really get me off!" ~

Just some lube and my hand doesn't do the trick anymore? watching videos of people getting kicked/punched/baseball/baseball bat/falling on/falling into the nuts no longer just funny its porn?

11-20-2006, 01:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mister Coaster Big & Brassy Location: The "Canyon"	I'll have to put this into the "Things I'm NEVER going to try" file. I'm all for finding new ways to bust a nut, but this is WAY over the top for me. __________________ If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

11-20-2006, 07:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
Siege is a tiger Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada	I've heard that if you beat your penis with a hammer hard enough, the swelling will make it bigger. And if you hit it REALLY hard, you just might orgasm. Is the human hand really THAT bad for getting off? __________________ "Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek" --Kevin Smith This part just makes my posts easier to find

11-20-2006, 07:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	I dont even have a penis... yet I cringed... __________________ If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open. It`s Easier to Change a Condom Than a Diaper Yes, the rumors are true... I actually AM a Witch.

11-20-2006, 09:09 PM	#9 (permalink)
Infinite_Loser Junkie Location: Lake Mary, FL	I found it pretty funny. Meh... I might try it one day if I get really (And I mean *REALLY) desperate. __________________ I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.*

11-20-2006, 09:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	oh god... i'm going to be sick... __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

11-20-2006, 07:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	I had to stop after the first sentence, I don't need to read the details to know that this is a bad idea.

11-20-2006, 08:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
analog Banned	I'd have to say this is a stupid idea, if not a hoax.

11-20-2006, 08:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	I would say hoax. Only a masochist could endure that.

11-20-2006, 09:40 PM	#10 (permalink)
Etarip Tilted	May I just cringe and say owwwwwwww.... (adds to list of things I really don't ever need to do)

11-20-2006, 10:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
Jackebear Insane	You have to be wearing welder's gloves to take the plant and rub it against your penis let alone wrap it around the shaft. I accidentally touched this nettle plant once and I'm telling you once is enough. My hand hurt like hell. This must be from some S&M, fetish or April Fool's joke site. But then I'm thinking, if someone wrote this, someone thought about it and probably tried it. It's like the mentos and diet coke thing going on. Who thinks of this shit? Someone must and therefore someone probably has done it. Crazy but #$it happens. __________________ Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

11-20-2006, 10:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
Jimellow Junkie	No idea what a nettle is, but I was under the impression that orgasms are supposed to be enjoyable. __________________ Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

11-21-2006, 04:51 AM	#14 (permalink)
Dominique Upright	This is criminal. A hoax ... OK, but if someone is going to try this for real???? A visit to the doctor will be necessary.... Ok... if you access the page in the 'intended' way, you wil come via the entry page which says: Code: Welcome to Moose Mansions, my all-new migraine-inducing laughter page. So... that says it all Regards

11-21-2006, 05:27 AM	#15 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	I, for one, would give a nice shiny nickle to know just how many idiots out there are just stupid enough to actually try this. You know someone is gonna. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

11-21-2006, 05:41 AM	#16 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	You know that there are plenty of wankers (ha!) out there that will have tried this... They deserve every bit of pain they get for being so criminally gullible. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

11-21-2006, 09:11 AM	#17 (permalink)
paulskinback Insane	I saw this in "Bizarre" magazine a few years ago, and they had pictoral evidence. Wasn't sure if that was a hoax then, but i've never forgotton the pics Cringeworthy for sure __________________ 'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents. 'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

11-22-2006, 01:39 PM	#27 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	That was basically my thought. __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

11-21-2006, 09:24 AM	#18 (permalink)
Redjake I'm a family man - I run a family business. Location: Wilson, NC	what the fuck is a nettle? __________________ Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

11-21-2006, 09:49 AM	#19 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	A nettle is a plant which has lots of small hollow hairs (needles) filled with acid. I am pretty sure it is formic acid, but I am not positive. When you brush up against a nettle, the hairs stick into your skin and break off, leaking the acid and causing pain and swelling. You are essentially left with hundreds of tiny thorns sticking in your skin which are too small to pull out and they all leak acid. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

11-21-2006, 06:11 PM	#21 (permalink)
livewirerc Insane Location: Austin, TX	Believe it or not, this is actually something that is done by some people who are really into some sensations that I believe to be very unpleasant. I don't understand it but I've seen pictures of the afteraffects of everything from nettles to poison ivy, even fire ants. Yes, ouch, but some people get off on some odd stuff. If you are interested PM me and I'll see if I can find the pics...

11-21-2006, 08:15 PM	#22 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	If you google "stinging nettles penis" there are about 23,400 matches.

11-21-2006, 08:59 PM	#23 (permalink)
n0nsensical Junkie Location: San Francisco	I must have been to more dark corners of the internet than some of you. some people get off on pain, its true. now I've had the experience of being stung by nettles (not on my genitals) and it isn't exactly pleasant but its nowhere near as bad as, say, poison ivy or a wasp sting. i think you could get away with this without requiring medical attention.

11-22-2006, 02:11 AM	#24 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Post this article everywhere you can, claim you've done it and it's a lot of fun. We've done so much as a species to keep natural selection from hitting idiots, we should really start fighting back.

11-22-2006, 10:38 AM	#26 (permalink)
beavstrokinoff Tilted	That sounds just nasty. I think I'll never try that.

11-22-2006, 03:34 PM	#28 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	OMG! ROTF(freaking)MAO. What forum was that, pray tell, so that I run away if I run into it?

11-22-2006, 10:44 PM	#29 (permalink)
JamesB Insane Location: Ottawa	The nettles dont just have an irritant that makes your skin feel like its on fire .. they have extremely fine thorn-like shafts made of silica. Its similar to fiberglass in irritation pattern, etc. This is one hell of a stupid idea. __________________ -- apt-get install spare_time --

11-23-2006, 08:56 AM	#30 (permalink)
Tirian Addict Location: Canada	I know a woman who puposefully will brush them against her legs from time to time when she finds the plants. A light brushing on the leg is not too bad (I've walked through them in shorts) and she says it helps her arthritis pain. The practice in question however will not be attempted by me !

11-23-2006, 09:01 AM	#31 (permalink)
Kazic Psycho Location: Fortress of Solitude	my 2 c, This is clearly a hoax. there is no way anyone would think " Hey you know what would really hit the spot right now? Yeah Some stinging nettles on my cock! thats what would really get me off!" ~ Just some lube and my hand doesn't do the trick anymore? watching videos of people getting kicked/punched/baseball/baseball bat/falling on/falling into the nuts no longer just funny its porn? __________________ "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989