Strange Famous

I wrote this poem this morning when I got up and posted it on this board I post on, ther person it is for (Madison) seemed to take it as insulting or negative... I didnt exactly mean it that way, I meant a lot of things by it, but it wasnt supposed to be negative to her...

I just wanted anyone else's opinion... if this was about you, would you think it was a diss?

I know there are some typo's... when I write stuff I just type it straight out and never stop or edit it or go back and change a line, I just try and catch my train of thought and write,,, so I tend to leave the spelling errors and typo's in, and just write whatever I write in 3 minutes or so and just leave it as it is...

And I promise I'll make a unified thread for all my poems next time I post one!


The sky was red last night
shepherds delight
thats what they say
I carefully studied
the rings you wear
One on each finger
I like the one with the
Celtic sign
And the green cut glass
I liked the green thread
You braided into your hair
But they made you take it out
It didnt fit in
With the regulations
Of the school board
So you wore a short skirt instead

The sky was red this morning
Shepherd's warning
Thats what they say
Thats what he said
I'm not of the world
But you are a part of the world
entrenched in time and place
You exist right here
On this patch of sun burnt grass
The dog running circles around you
As you stare at the blue sky
At an ugly little white cloud
That looks like an old man
That you hate
I see confusion in your eyes
Something is coming
You cant quite make it out
Shrug your shoulders
Walk back inside, shoulders slightly slumped
Reach through the cans of beer
That stack the fridge
And pick out a Pepsi instead

I remember
I remember
Memor is important
To me, because it is where
I concentrate my energy

You used to play hop scotch in the street
Like a little dinosaur
Like a hungry, angry raptor
Catious and vicious
Who's beauty can turn into great velocity
At the slightest spark

I think you're a hexagon
You have six sides and they all face each
Other, A different look for
Each day of the week, and
on Sunday you can be yourself.

I think you're like an alarm clock
I think you're like a TV show
Where the people all know each other
And tell the same jokes every week
It's safe there, and you always know
Who gets the girl
And the down on his luck guy
Always has his adventures
And always gets some other girl
To lose, how careless
She will end up with the good looking neighbour
The dramatic tension shifts
You might get one more series
Then she'll turn up in some other show

Like an angry dinosaur
One day she'll be a single mum
And find some Argentine dream boat
A life of happy endings
And new beginnings
Somehow it always works out
A sense of cosmic justice
You would call it karma
I call it gravity

The sky was green last night
From where I stood
6 foot underwater
I thought you were a fish
With skin that was gold and yellow and grey
Pink and sky blue and white
You swam 15 circles around me
I had a strange epiphany

You never wore green braids in your hair
You just had green eyes
You never gave me those transfer tattoo's
That freaked my mother out that time
Cos you always lived miles away
(so where the hell did I get them?)
You never wore that celtic ring
I never bought it for you
From the new age traveller
on Felixstowe market
You never taught me Hebrew words
You were raised in another church
So who taught me Hebrew words?
I know it wasnt them
Man, I KNOW it wasnt them

I must have been thinking about someone else
Someone I've never known
Someone who has never been
Here.

I'll grab a flight right now
And bring you a mirror
I'll leave it by your front door
And ring the bell and run


I'll sail the sea
In a pea green boat
With an owl
And a Golden retriever
If it sinks
We'll swim

I'm 6 foot underwater
Looking up at you
Your standing on a mountain
Frowing at the middle distance
Your eyes
Match the sky
From down here

And when you come down the mountain
You'll play a populat show tune
On my skeleton
They left it lying on the beach
Use the Femur and the knee cap
As the instruments
Bang out the tune on my ribs
If you hit the high notes too hard
And my skull falls off
Dont worry about it
It makes such pretty music
We all need pretty music
We all love pretty music

Water melon, cookie dough, crocodile, hammer
Cookie dough, crocodile, hammer, Madison
crocodile, hammer, Maddison
hammer, Madison
Madison
Madison
Madison
Madison

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

J.R.V.A.

I don't think it is an insult at all. I think she should be happy and honered to read it.If she is insulted, it must be something she is reading into it that bothers something she has a problem with, therefore her problem,ot yours.
I think it is very good myself

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

stonegrody

There might be a couple of things she may have taken the wrong way. The part about telling the same jokes every week, one day she'll be a single mum, mentioning things she never did, stuff like that. I can tell those things weren't meant in a bad way but she may have taken them to heart. I suggest talking to her about it and letting her know exactly what you meant by it. Maybe then she'll understand.

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Seer666

Holy hell, that is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. if they thought that was insultin, they have no idea. I am blown away.

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

amonkie

You should be writing for you, and the words don't mean squat if you're not being honest with yourself. Poems have a great way of letting us say things we couldn't just blurt out in a conversation, but they also leave room for interpretation. The specific examples are so much the point as the overall picture they create, and you did a superb job with that. I just got sucked into your poem!

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

vonstalhein

the hexagon bit was proper ace. not insulting...perhaps eye opening. really can't stress how much i liked the hexagon bit.

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No Win No Fee

SpikeQX99

I don't think there was anything insulting there at all.

If she took offence to something, then you must have hit an emotion or something and isn't that the point of poetry anyway???

I say good job. That's probably one of the best things I've read in a long while.

__________________
I'm so in love with a girl... she is my everything

QuasiMojo

I really, reeely like that.


_You used to play hop scotch in the street
_Like a little dinosaur
_Like a hungry, angry raptor
_Catious and vicious
_Who's beauty can turn into great velocity
_At the slightest spark

heh heh. niiiice.

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AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

twiceiflucky

That's a really nice poem. There were a few things she might've taken the wrong way, though... but I only see the stanza about hexagon faces as something that could be a tripping point. Just saying. Hope it all works out

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You are a prisoner in a crossaint factory, and you love it. Frank O'Hara