CRITIQUE First Chapter of Possible Novel - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

RetroGunslinger · 01-17-2011, 02:01 AM

I wrote this up recently. It's a rough draft of the first chapter of a novel I've been developing for years now (you can read the short and snappy, but poorly written version of the whole thing over here, though I don't recommend it). Some critique would be awesome.

I'm not sure about posting the whole thing, since formatting nearly 3,000 words on the forum is kind of a pain, so I've attached the file, which also features the opening to the second chapter. (And yes, I will be changing the format if I send it to a literary agent. I just like the way it looks. It's pretty.)

Right now the only changes I'm seriously thinking about are removing several author references and extend the final scenes and revelation.

ganon · 01-22-2011, 08:59 PM

Here is some input. I am a published writer of no great fame, but with some critical acclaim, small time. I hope my comments do not discourage but encourage. Any one can tell you something is great while they forget about it. It takes a person who actually cares to tell you you can, and you can, do better. There is a spark. Light it up.

RetroGunslinger · 01-22-2011, 11:44 PM

Wow. Thank you so much, that was legitimately helpful.

To better explain (not defend, I know I need to work on them) the erotic aspects, I'm attempting to carefully slip the reader into the subject matter. The story is only going to get more graphic as it goes on, and by the mid-section will have developed into a cartoonishly grotesque narrative. By allowing some exploitative sex in the first chapter, I'm hoping that those elements, while shocking, won't be so shocking that they become off-putting.

My main influence is probably Georges Bataille. In my early revisions of the concept, I actually had the main character's first case of "love" be just like the center relationship in Story of the Eye, but decided to abandon it as it seemed to take away from the other grotesque moments. I like the depth of Bataille's work, but I find his obvious love for shock to be exceptionally endearing.

Clive Barker, Lovecraft, and to some extent de Sade all bear some influence on my work as well. Specifically, Barker's exploitative writing (The Damnation Game) and use of morally ambiguous characters for both antagonists and protagonists (the former, as well Hellbound Heart) have both made their way into VC. Lovecraft's influence shows up later, and sort of goes hand-in-hand with the ambiguous antagonists (which obviously haven't shown up yet). The way his characters generally go mad from exposure to the supernatural is an integral trope as well. De Sade's influence is pretty obvious.

Bataille, Barker and Sade's exploitative nature, going hand-in-hand with some amount of depth or commentary, are probably the most influential.

Anywho, I'm going to continue working on it. I'm hoping to have refined the first chapter and finished the second this week.

ganon · 01-23-2011, 08:15 AM

I am glad that the commments were taken in good spirit, as they were intended. I looked at your influences on wikipedia and have a better understanding of your approach. I am working on two novels, one highly allegorical and the other something of the anti nicholas sparks; no real resolution or happy ending, but still dealing with relationships. Another piece of advice I would throw your way, take it or leave it, is that you write anything that pops into your head about the story (snippet, descriptions, backgrounds, scenes), get inside the character's mind as deep as you can before you write him. I have found that if I write first and edit later, with no specific structure, I write faster and better. I can always edit later. Besides, if you pitch it to a publisher or agent, they are going to want an edit done on it anyways. Write it as if it is the last book you will ever get to do, as if you're on the verge of getting alzhimers or something. Make it epic, even if only to you.

01-22-2011, 11:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
RetroGunslinger eats puppies and shits rainbows Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA	Wow. Thank you so much, that was legitimately helpful. To better explain (not defend, I know I need to work on them) the erotic aspects, I'm attempting to carefully slip the reader into the subject matter. The story is only going to get more graphic as it goes on, and by the mid-section will have developed into a cartoonishly grotesque narrative. By allowing some exploitative sex in the first chapter, I'm hoping that those elements, while shocking, won't be so shocking that they become off-putting. My main influence is probably Georges Bataille. In my early revisions of the concept, I actually had the main character's first case of "love" be just like the center relationship in Story of the Eye, but decided to abandon it as it seemed to take away from the other grotesque moments. I like the depth of Bataille's work, but I find his obvious love for shock to be exceptionally endearing. Clive Barker, Lovecraft, and to some extent de Sade all bear some influence on my work as well. Specifically, Barker's exploitative writing (The Damnation Game) and use of morally ambiguous characters for both antagonists and protagonists (the former, as well Hellbound Heart) have both made their way into VC. Lovecraft's influence shows up later, and sort of goes hand-in-hand with the ambiguous antagonists (which obviously haven't shown up yet). The way his characters generally go mad from exposure to the supernatural is an integral trope as well. De Sade's influence is pretty obvious. Bataille, Barker and Sade's exploitative nature, going hand-in-hand with some amount of depth or commentary, are probably the most influential. Anywho, I'm going to continue working on it. I'm hoping to have refined the first chapter and finished the second this week. __________________ It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay. M.B. Keene

01-23-2011, 08:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
ganon Insane Location: in my head	I am glad that the commments were taken in good spirit, as they were intended. I looked at your influences on wikipedia and have a better understanding of your approach. I am working on two novels, one highly allegorical and the other something of the anti nicholas sparks; no real resolution or happy ending, but still dealing with relationships. Another piece of advice I would throw your way, take it or leave it, is that you write anything that pops into your head about the story (snippet, descriptions, backgrounds, scenes), get inside the character's mind as deep as you can before you write him. I have found that if I write first and edit later, with no specific structure, I write faster and better. I can always edit later. Besides, if you pitch it to a publisher or agent, they are going to want an edit done on it anyways. Write it as if it is the last book you will ever get to do, as if you're on the verge of getting alzhimers or something. Make it epic, even if only to you. __________________ "My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks