In Memorium

[archpaladin]

Even though it may sound like it, I'm not posting this to look for sympathy or support, as I've gotten more than enough from my friends and family. A few days ago one of my friends from high school killed himself. I wasn't given many details, basically just told that it happened.

This got me thinking. People remember those that have died who are close to them in different ways. Some visit gravesites on a regular basis, others go to places that remind them of the deceased. For those out there who have suffered through the loss of a loved one, what do you do to remember them? (do you even bother at all?) In asking this I don't mean to be morbid.....I'm just wondering because other people who have problems coping can find support from the ideas of others.

[Charlatan]

I visit my Dad's grave site from time to time but mostly I just have conversations with him wherever I happen to be... For some reason these conversations mostly happen when I am travelling.

[skinnymofo]

whenever i go to the airport or my aunts house i always give a little salute to my grandpa as we pass the graveyard.
My mom, and aunts all either say "hi dad" or something similar

[Cynthetiq]

some of my friends who lost people in HS still to this day think about them on a regular basis.

Those that have passed on for me, are passed. I don't dwell on it. I remember them when I can but it's not that often.

[maleficent]

Of all the people in my life that have died, including family members, there's really only one that I think about and remember on a daily basis, because they were such an important part of my life. From kindgarden on... thru good times and bad... for more than 30 years they were a part of my life... That kind of friendship is rare and I know I will never have it again, and I do miss it,

I occassionally find myself talking to my friend... conversations in my head... Rarely do I get answers but sometimes it's the talking is that I need because that's what our friendship was about - never gave advice - -but let each other come to their own conclusion

[Grasshopper Green]

My brother was cremated, so I don't have a gravesite to visit or anything like that. I do remember him via music mostly. He was a musician and like everyone, had certain songs and artists that he liked, and I've found that remembering him through songs is a much happier reminder than say, thinking about him when I hear an ambulance siren or something.

This Memorial Day will be the first I've had without him. I've already decided that I will get flowers and take them to cemetery behind my dad's house and leave them at a soldier's stone.

[Rodney]

If the one you lost was an important and positive part of your life, you will remember him. And through your memories, he will _remain_ part of your life.

Probably my best friend ever died about 10 years ago; we'd known each other a long time and were really close. There are big parts of my life that I can't think about even casually without remembering him, because he was an integral part of them. I probably think about him every day, simply because he is everywhere in my history.

Then there was my dad; very remote, very distant, not engaged with me. He died about the same time as my old bud, and I rarely think of him. Because he wasn't a real part of my life, except as something not to bump into when walking across the room.

[NCB]

Originally Posted by archpaladin

Even though it may sound like it, I'm not posting this to look for sympathy or support, as I've gotten more than enough from my friends and family. A few days ago one of my friends from high school killed himself. I wasn't given many details, basically just told that it happened.

This got me thinking. People remember those that have died who are close to them in different ways. Some visit gravesites on a regular basis, others go to places that remind them of the deceased. For those out there who have suffered through the loss of a loved one, what do you do to remember them? (do you even bother at all?) In asking this I don't mean to be morbid.....I'm just wondering because other people who have problems coping can find support from the ideas of others.

If they are close enough, you won;t have any problems remebering them. My grandmother died 14 months ago, and ever since I can;t help but remember her. Sometimes it's the big things (b-days, holidays, ect..) that help you remember, but also it's the little things too. I made for the first time ever this Xmas, the cookies she made for Xmas Eve.

Sorry about the ramble, but trust me, you'll have no trouble remebering your friend.

[Gilda]

My twin sister Katie was killed by a drunk driver a week after we both got our driver's licenses. He ran through a red light as we went through on green, and speared the driver's side door going somewhere betweeen 40 and 60 mph. Katie was killed instantly and I walked away with a few scratches.

Once in a while, when I'm doing my makeup or hair, as I look in the mirror, I see not myself, but the woman Katie would have become. Everything I do with my life isn't just for me, it's also for her. She shares every accomplishment, every joy, every good thing that I do with my life, because she isn't around to do them herself.

[Amnesia620]

I can completely empathize with what you are going through. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to lose a friend this way. For no reason, every so often, does a person just come to mind? Take it to mean they're saying hello.

A classmate of mine, straight-A student, friendly but shy, lived out on a small farm. On a few occasions, he had told us how his day usually went. He would get up early (4 or 5am) to do chores before breakfast, catch the bus to get to school, afterschool he went home with his siblings, did his homework, ate dinner and finished his chores (10 or 11p). His life didn't sound very appealing to any of us, especially at ages 12 and/or 13. However, he was well-liked and respected.
One evening, he got into a fight with his mom. Words in anger were said - ones that some people wish didn't exist. At some point, he was so upset he went out to their barn...where he hung himself.

I used to visit his grave on the day of his death, his favorite holiday and his birthday. I also visited two others - a schoolmate of mine and the other was our neighbor. I thought of him when others thought of themselves...I remembered them when, it seemed, they were forgotten.

** ** **

One day, my mom called me. She wanted to see me, for my birthday, in the next few days. Hadn't seen or heard from her in five years, now she was back, acting like she hadn't been absent for more than a day. She was an alcoholic. I knew that her life was a mess, and so was she. Still, I was ecstatic that I would get to see her. During the visit, she seemed aged in every sense. After her visit, one filled with mixed emotions, I wished I knew more about her. Secretly, I hoped she'd return.
Less than a year later, she passed away in her sleep.

I remember those who are gone, by sharing my memories.. If you tell others about your memories...they remain vivid this way.

[wolf]

I think about my Grandfather all of the time. I really miss him.

His brother was funny too. He is buried in North Conway, NH near the outlets. He said he wanted it that way so that he could be first in line for the sales.

[analog]

I still think about my grandfather every now and then, lost him when i was 8 or so, i'm (almost) 24 now.

Sometimes I talk out loud as though he could listen. I've never been to his grave site, and i'd very much like to do so.

[c172g]

My dad died two years ago. He & I used to go duck hunting on Lake Huron, at the same place he used to hunt with his dad. When he died & was cremated, we took some of the ashes & spread them at our duck hunting spot & in the lake. I usually head out once every few weeks when the weather is good (the place is down about five miles of two-track, when it snows it's impossible to get to), grab a coffee & watch the sunrise out there before work. It's great to have a place like that instead of a cemetery, way more peaceful, and no one else is there (except the ducks, eagles, & deer), and a Lake Huron sunrise is pretty spectacular.

[Dano069]

I miss my dad a lot. He died the day before my senior prom. I miss telling him about sports stuff and what my kids do. I'm sure he's watching from wherever he is, but, it's just not the same. I still talk to him and I get the scent of Brylcream once in a while so I know he's close to me. My mom will send me the scent of her rose perfume when she's close. I used to visit the cemetery but now I realize they're listening wherever I am. Sorry to hear about your friend.

[Glava]

Originally Posted by Dano069

I miss my dad a lot. He died the day before my senior prom. I miss telling him about sports stuff and what my kids do. I'm sure he's watching from wherever he is, but, it's just not the same. I still talk to him and I get the scent of Brylcream once in a while so I know he's close to me. My mom will send me the scent of her rose perfume when she's close. I used to visit the cemetery but now I realize they're listening wherever I am. Sorry to hear about your friend.

If your dad died the day before your senior prom, and you miss telling him about your kids (plural), does that mean you had kids in high school?
Not trying to be insensitive here, just curious.