mulletJeb

"Then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"

Fuuuck. Makes me feel like I'm living a stilted life. There's so much more out there and I haven't even thought about it, much less desired it. There's so much more...

Mr.Deflok

Sorry? I think I missed the punchline.

shakran

As my fingers snap in approval of that prose I get the sudden urge for an espresso

mulletJeb

sorry, it's by Jack Kerouac and me realizing how limited my little world is. it's frustrating, I want to go and do something, experience the world.. had to express that somehow, if only I was a little more artsy and not such a computer geek... oh well

kulrblind

mulletJeb: Everyone has their own starting point. Just because you don't feel like you're living somebody else's existence, that's no reason to feel like you're not doing something exciting with your own.

As I see it, there are two options you face right now: the first is abandoning what you currently are, and trying to meld a number of other lifestyles together so that you can see what it's like to "live on the other side", and the second is to take control of what you're doing now and figure out what's "missing". The first option seems to me the least favourable. You'll be giving up your true self/life in hopes of living the way others live, which may not be gratifying.

Here's to you finding satisfying ways to express yourself. This is not the end of the road for you, nor is your current life (style) cast in stone.

/pep-talk

ratbastid

Trying to be something you're not just because of something other people are doing is stupid.

Be yourself. Be the biggest yourself you've got. Be yourself all the way out to the walls. Don't let anyone or anything interfere with you being yourself. That's the sort of self-expression that Kerouak was writing about.

Mr.Deflok

Like I always say, 'to know yourself, you must think for yourself'. You sound like you have a restless soul, this will only do you good in life. It will allow you to be your own person unique from everyone else. All you have to do is grasp what it is you're looking for and never get frustrated if it's just out of reach.

mulletJeb

ratbastid and Mr. Deflok: thank you so much for your words. They've brought me great confidence so far (today was a good day, let's say), and I will try to hold onto that wisdom.

kulrblind: The same to you as well, and I just decided to pick up photography in an effort to capture the world, and to express myself =) I think this is a calling for me...


Sorry to be so serious with all of this, but your responses mean a lot.

Johnny Rotten

Jack Kerouac drank himself into oblivion at the age of 47. Here are some choice snippets of his "amazing" life, taken from this brief bio:

"Defeated and lonesome, he left California to live with his mother in Long Island, and would not stray from his mother for the rest of his life. He would continue to publish, and remained mentally alert and aware (though always drunken). But his works after 'Big Sur' displayed a disconnected soul, a human being sadly lost in his own curmudgeonly illusions."

(emphasis mine)

"Through his first forty years Kerouac had failed to sustain a long-term romantic relationship with a woman, though he often fell in love. He'd married twice, to Edie Parker and Joan Haverty, but both marriages had ended within months."

"'On The Road' was finally published in 1957, and when it became a tremendous popular success Kerouac did not know how to react. Embittered by years of rejection, he was suddenly expected to snap to and play the part of Young Beat Icon for the public. He was older and sadder than everyone expected him to be..."

"Like Kurt Cobain, another counter-culture celebrity who seemed to be truly (as opposed to fashionably) miserable, Kerouac expressed his unhappiness nakedly in his art and was not taken seriously. In 1961 he tried to break his drinking habit and rediscover his writing talents with a solitary nature retreat in Big Sur. Instead, the vast nature around him creeped him out and he returned to San Francisco to drink himself into oblivion. He was cracking up, and he laid out the entire chilling experience in his last great novel, 'Big Sur.' "

He did not live a memorable life, only a haunted, tragic one about which he was able to write rather well.

Fearless_Hyena

Hey man I'd like to echo ratbastid, Mr. Deflok, and kulrblind's comments, and add this: don't spend too much time worrying about what you're not -- you're on the right track already, coz you're striving to get *more* out your world! The minute you stop doing that, you'll be starting to become whatever it is that you dread.

It doesn't matter if in your words you don't think you're "artsy", just make some art!! Give it a shot, I mean. Photography is a great idea and I've been thinking about exploring that myself, after seeing some really cool photos recently. Take some pictures of whatever you think looks cool, then try to figure out "what it is" about the ones you like best, then make more. To me, that's part of what art's about, but art comes is so many different forms too. I don't know if I'm making sense or not, I hope I am but if not, then just take whatever you might find valuable and discard the rest...


That was a great quote from Kerouac by the way!

wry1

I think the general consensus is: Search yourself. Find what's missing, and then develop yourself to suit your wants and needs.

...When you know who you are, you know what to do.