sound chaser

One of my friend's birthday is a couple days away. But she seems a bit down nonetheless. She's in her late twenties and feels that she should be settling down. but isn't any near that in reality. She also feels that she has little to show for her life up until now.

I only heard of the idea of a quarter life crisis a couple of years ago, but is it real thing? Is it common in most twenty somethings?

thespian86

I'll put it this way.

As far as I can tell I'm going through a "what direction do I want for myself" crisis right now. In ten years I will probably say "stop chasing your dreams, make a life for yourself". Fifteen years from then I'll say "Shit, my dreams were awesome, I want them back" and start chasing things that I shouldn't be chasing. Etc, etc.

People give themselves streams to follow and since we are conditioned for change, we long for it after a bit. I love to shake stuff up, but it sounds normal to me.

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Poppinjay

Settling down works much better in your 30's. Mostly because by then, you don't worry about alot of stuff you think's important earlier in life. Most of that bullshit is what keeps you from settling down.

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Cynthetiq

Sure it's a real thing, there's a book about it, so it must be real.

I didn't have a quarterlife crisis that I noticed. I did all the things that I set out to achieve. I failed at some, I succeeded in some.

The thing was that I didn't sit, lament, or wallow about it, I continued to pursue and kept moving.

Now, I'm past that, and onto the next life changes that are required for me to continue to grow.

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abaya

I resolved (and simultaneously intensified) my 1/4-life crisis by starting a PhD program in my mid-20s.

Yeah, I for one am definitely looking forward to my 30s... I expect to have far less of this "limbo" feeling that has persisted since I was 20 (when I graduated from college). Kids and a stable job will do that to you, I hear.

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Halx

I could be going through a quarter-life crisis myself. This is particularly because of the expectations that I've grown up with my entire life. My own mentality keeps pushing me to keep moving forward and trying new things. Now this causes me to question if I've had enough life experience at my age. It causes me to question if I'm making enough money at my job, to satisfy the expectations that have been set for me by everyone who saw how bright I was when growing up. It makes me wonder if I've partied enough to be satisfied by the time I have to settle down.

The answer is, "No, not enough." And so I keep pushing forward.

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clavus

Oh Hell ya.

A lot of folks I know went through it at about 25. It kicked in when we realized that our friends were all moving in different directions, literally and figuratively.

"Now what?" is the question.

The answers ranged from joining the Army and fighting a war to having kids. Some folks found new friends to party with. Some got more education.

It's real. I remember my good friend just LOSING IT during hers. She didn't know what to do, where to work or even what to cook. I remember her crying on the phone, "What do you cook. What to people eat?" She got her shit together after a bit, became an embryologist, got a good husband, got her life going in a good direction.

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walkdontwalk

I hope to hell there is such a thing; at 24, I'd hate for this how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life

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snowy

This is how I feel some days.

I have a stable, guaranteed home, a steady relationship, but I just graduated from university and feel like I've been ejected into the middle of a shitstorm given the state of the economy. Jobs are nowhere to be found. I am lucky if I can scrape together 2-3 jobs a week to apply for, and most of them aren't jobs I need a degree for.

But I'm lucky in that I have a support system to get through this, loving parents who are incredibly helpful, thoughtful, and giving, as well as a partner who treats me well and wants to help me through this.

50% of my life is going in a good direction. The other 50% is on standby and unsure of what to do. It's limbo, like abaya said, and I've got at least 2 more years of it until my guy gets out of university--I have to make do until then.

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ASU2003

I had one when I finished college and couldn't find a job (well I didn't try very hard on purpose for a few months). I had worked hard my entire life, but at 23 I had no friends near-by, had no close relationships or best friends because I was too busy, I had done a few things in my life because I knew if I didn't I would regret it when I was older, I had very little money, I was in shape (but not as good I as I wanted), had issues with my appearance, had nothing to talk to people about, hadn't traveled the world. But at the same time, I had huge expectations and lots of pressure from parents, friends and society to basically get to the lifestyle I have now.

If I had seen the movie 'Into The Wild' then, I could easily have picked that path to take my life. Or I was a few months away from going into the military (I would probably be in a similar place in my life right now, except for seeing Afghanistan and Iraq). The 23-26 age group is tough because some people are doing really well and others have nothing. And it is where the choices that were made when you were 17-18 really hit you.

Vigilante

Story of my life too. Mid 20s were crazy. I'm 32 and settling down now, but finding a job is tougher this time around.

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filtherton

I had one of those when I had a kid. A lot of the things I had wanted to do suddenly became a lot more difficult to do. I spent a fair amount of time fantasizing about being 20 again and cursing the opportunities I had so carelessly squandered, perhaps I still do a little bit.

It took me a little while to realize that I was exactly where I wanted to be. I'm glad I didn't get with so and so, because she might have been the person I knocked up, and she's fucking crazy. I'm glad I didn't pursue certain career paths, because I like the one I have now, and it seems a lot more meaningful to me than what I wanted to do.

I think I'm going to save my crisis for mid life.

Cernunnos

I would be thankful that you're having a quarter-life crisis at 25 instead of a mid-life crisis at the same age. You have 75 more years to work with as opposed to 25.

I've no doubt that many folks in their 40's would kill for the health and youthfulness of their 20's.

clavus

I would kill you right now if it would give me my 20-year-old health back. Nothing personal, Cer.

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Dammitall

I feel similarly, and I'm pushing 30; I don't know whether that means the window to my quarter life crisis is closing or not. I think I need most to remind myself not to get complacent with the stability I have in my life right now. I have a good job, but what I'm doing here—and being here at all—is certainly not what I want for the next ten years, maybe even for the next five. I still have other interests, but I find it's easy for me to be convinced that I don't have enough skill or drive, or that it's too late in my life, to pursue those other interests.

Is it ever too late?

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MSD

I was lucky in that when I graduated, the guy I had worked for as a student worker had finally been forced out (fire someone from the union? I don't think so.) A few weeks after I graduated (at this point I was on special payroll,) the job was posted, I interviewed, and I was hired. The salary isn't the best, but the benefits package is part of the state-negotiated rates, meaning I have great health and dental insurance for less than $30/mo out of pocket and if I contribute 5% to my retirement account, they contribute 8% On top of that, it's something like $10/mo for 50,000 of life insurance.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be in life, but I can afford to get there over the next few years.

KirStang

I have so many friends who freak out when they realize they cannot make it in to Dental/Pharm/Medical/Law school or whatever and cry trying to find a career alternative. I'd think that counts as a quarter life crisis, right?

archpaladin

I think that's just called reality.

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MSD

The midlife crisis is a struggle with where you are in life and where you want to go, so if we're accepting the quarter-life crisis as a real thing, then going through school to prepare for something they can't do would definitely be in the same category.

Cernunnos

I would kill you, clavus, if I were granted 20 additional years of good health on top of what is naturally mine, so the feeling is mutual. Nothing personal taken.

Baraka_Guru

Is there such a thing as a quarter-life crisis?

I would say no. At least, not in this context. I would rather call this a "quarter-life crossroads."

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Cernunnos

I would agree with this. In most cases that I've seen or heard, those in their 20's are often experiencing directional uncertainty. While a person will come across multiple roads at many points throughout life, discovering one's passion and deciding on a path to achieve it is a large issue, particularly when such a significant investment/commitment is involved, such as tuition and years of school.

For myself and many others, we have no problem with finding passion in certain subjects, merely those that pay well. For instance, I love photography, but I am not at a level to where my shots are professional enough to sell in any sufficient quantity to support myself. There are other factors, such as forming business connections/relationships, but first and foremost, I need to further develop my skillset.

snowy

Ehhh, for me it's definitely a crisis.

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Baraka_Guru

You're young. You have lots of time. A mid-life crisis is dependent on the thought that your life is "running out of time."

For the record, I had my own "crisis." But in hindsight, it now seemed more of a crossroads. I think this is because I still had (well, still have) lots of time to do something with my life. In today's economy, this kind of shift is becoming rather common.

Come on, I studied English. What was I to be? A professional Englisher?

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snowy

It's not an existential crisis, though there's always one of those lurking in the wings, you know. It's more of a "Fuck, there are no jobs, I can't get a job, I need money" crisis. It's not that I don't know what I want to do, it's more than there is nothing TO do. There isn't even the option of "Okay, so this isn't what I would choose, but it's what I'll do in the meantime." There aren't many openings here, but plenty of qualified applicants. It's horribly discouraging.

I can certainly see how recent college grads do go through a reevaluation of priorities and purpose...I guess I'm just lucky that I went through that bit a while ago.

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Ayashe

I am willing to be that this is far more common with women than men. I know this has happened to several females that I know. Worried about getting married, settling down, am I going to be too old to have children before I find the right partner am I in the right career for me? There is also that whole, damn.. 25, that is a quarter of a century.

MSD

And it's very distinct from what we're talking about here because the midlife crisis is defined from a psychological standpoint as a n internal struggle over choosing stagnation or generativity and how to go about it best.

laconic1

I'm having a crisis, but maybe calling it a life crisis might be a bit far fetched. More like a early career crisis. Since I came out of school I'm starting to realize that maybe my career path will never take off like I had hoped. And the clock is ticking since you see so many people in their 30's and early 40 in high profile positions and you know you've got to go if you want to be that person with the high salary, high authority position someday instead of just being a low wage monkey for the rest of your life. Since at least in the United States people are often defined by their career this has a big impact on one's life, leading to the appearance of an overall life crisis

jewels

I think when birthdays approach, we naturally take a look forward and backward, mentally inventorying our lives and accomplishments. The markers that we view as the big ones get special attention and it's as simple as that.

I had a crisis when I turned 30. It was the moment when I realized I wasn't 17 anymore. Tried to have one when I turned 40 but changed my mind.

Haven't had one since.

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archpaladin

So wait, MSD, which is it? Is the quarter-life crisis in the same category as the midlife crisis or not?

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JustJess

I dunno... being depressed for 2-3 years seems more like a crisis than a crossroads. I definitely had the panic... "ok, that degree sucked, *now* what the hell am I going to do??" So I started putting myself back through school, only I worked full time this time, and now I'm in school full time altogether... not done for another year and a half, and yeah, I am a little freaked out about that. But not too badly since I do have a finish date, a solid time to be done with this, and the industry I'm going into is only growing bigger and bigger with more and more jobs. So that helps a lot.

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Plaid13

If thats a quarter life crises in her late 20s... She should be damn happy she will live to be over 100 and has plenty of time to sort things out. People can get stressed and depressed at any time in life. Dosnt matter when it happens its the same thing.

abaya

Holy crap, at 25?!?! Why would anyone be worried about getting married and having children at 25? I mean, the whole world is your oyster at that age... I can see it if they're 35 years old, maybe... but wow, 25. I can see that happening to my friends who all wanted to be married as soon as they graduated from college (even scarier)--but for those who were single and cruising through their 20s, no.

My quarter-life crisis was not about the "family life" at all, nowhere near it... just plain old career crap. And I'm still going through it, at 29...

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