sleephla

I, myself am not religious in the least bit. In fact, I'd definitely say I'm very naive about it. However, this chick I dig... is a Jehova's Witness. I know she's real hardcore about it... to the point where I can only really hang out with her a couple days a week. People tell I'm crazy for even trying with a girl like "this." I'm sure it's a complete long shot... but I feel she sorta digs me too...

Any advice about trying to really hook up with this chick, without "becoming" a JW? Thanks for any help you guys give me.

- Brad -
sleephla99@yahoo.com

Peetster

It depends on your goals. If you want to establish a relationship with her, then you will have to become more comfortable with her than to only be able to spend a few days in her presence.

If your goal is to bang her, you won't. Give it up and look elsewhere.

clockworkgreen

I give you no chance.

clockworkgreen

I say no chance.

sleephla

Well... right now, it's not necessarily to try and bang her. I dig the chick cause we have a lot of the same interests... and I know she hasn't had a real relationship in a long time... about five years to be exact. I want a great friendship... and maybe something more in the near-to-distant future.

Hypothetically speaking... how would I go about trying to hook up with her, without completely changing my personality to fit her "religon"? Thank you for your advice, by the way. :-)

Leviathan[NCV]

You're going to have to do quite a bit of research on the issue, and to be honest, I'd give it up now.

Lebell

There are only two options.

Either she leaves the Witnesses or you become one (hardcore).

Unlike some Christian denominations, the JW's won't cut either of you slack.

Sorry, I wish I could give you more hope than that.

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sleephla

Yeah, I wish I had some too... we have so much in common too. I'm not willing to undergo what happens with their thing. I guess a friendship is okay with what I have anyway.

Weird, though...how a religion has that much power over a friendship. Anyway... thanks everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it.

Lebell

Sorry man.

Some of them, like JW's, exercise a LOT of control over the membership, including who they can marry and hang with.

Most of the other denominations (with a few exceptions) would leave the decision up to her.

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sleephla

So, with that being said... is it all weird that I go over to her house... watch movies... lay together? Maybe thats just a thing with her?

Right, as of now... we're pretty good friends...

punx1325

I would keep it to being friends...you have to look at the long term goals. Are you just looking for someone to sleep with or a future wife. JW's aren't really compatiable for either, and if your not religious, she really isn't your type. I would just stick to being friends.

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Lebell

It's completely in her (and presumably her parents) ball court. If they accept you doing that, great.

Just don't be surprised if one day she "can't do that anymore".

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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sleephla

Understandable... thanks Lebell for your advice. I appreciate it!

rodgerd

Don't, unless you actually want to become a Jehovah's Witness. If you find her opinions and beliefs hard to take for more than a few days at a time, that's a pretty good sign you don't.

Still, at least there's no shortage of JWs happy to talk to you about what they believe....

lurkette

Friendship and platonic snuggling is all fine and good, but the religious difference is a relationship killer if neither of you is willing to budge. Don't buy yourself a lot of misery. Stay friends.

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eyeseepeedude

My wife is Southern Baptist and I am Roman Catholic. We have no problem with this issue because we talked about it a lot and we both understand each other's religions quite well...

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The_Dude

i say try to convince her out of it

it might seem a lil drastic, but that's the only way i see it

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ganon

I might catch some flak for this, but so what. Generally speaking, jehovahs witness is considered a cult by orthodox christianity. I am not saying this to be judgemental, just laying out some facts for you, coming from someone who has spent years and years studying cults and christianity. One of the reasons JW is considered a cult is it's stipulation that it's practitioners aggressively seperate themselves from those who are not JWs, and I mean aggressively. The situation with this woman is likely to unfold like this: you'll get tight, she'll want to commit to you on some level, her family and church will insist that you either join the flock, or get kicked to the curb. Your level of love and commitment will be brought into question when you decide you don't want to drink the kool-aid and join up. It'll get ugly, and painful. I don't think you want to give up celebrating christmas, easter, and birthdays, and receiving I.V. blood if you get in a car wreck and are dying. Just my two cents.

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sleephla

Yeah, I was afraid of all these issues... I wasn't, however, aware of how clingy and straightforward JW's are... well...at least their religious status.

I'm probably just gonna go with the friend thing, and see how that goes. It's so weird, though... times I think she wants to rebel...and then times where she just appears crazy hardcore about it. I dunno...

ganon

Look at it from her point of view. Her church is very particular, they lay the rules out and expect obedience. She also thinks on her own, and sometimes doesn't see the church as the almighty authority figure it tries to be. But she is indoctrinated into that system, and it is going to leak out no matter how she tries. That kind of vacilation will break her down in time.

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Sappen123

I grew up JW but have been (very) lapsed since I left the house at 17 (I'm 30 now), so I may be a bit out of touch with what they're up to now.

Either she has to lapse or you have to join. Even if you do join, keep in mind that to have a physical realtionship beyond just a public friendship-type hug, you will have to be married or face retribution from the congregation (for minor offences like kissing it would likely only be a stern talking to from the elders... for anything more, likely shunning i.e. 'bad associate' label or 'disfellowshipping').

If she does lapse, or you are thinking of pressing the issue, she may face some serious personal issues (friends and family shunning her depending on her mode of exit).

If you are willing to be friends only... stick with that. Otherwise you are in for a *lot* of trouble.


I try not to be too judgemental of others choices, but I'll at least say that the JWs are *definitely* not my thing and I would strongly advise others to stay away. But to each their own...

Good luck. (although that's a taboo phrase for JWs).

Frowning Budah

My Brother's wife became a JW after they were married and it screwed up the entire relationship. You are either going to have to join her in her views or she is going to have to give hers up. There is no in between.

MacGnG

i doubt ur gonna ge anything more than friendship and maybe a relationship but i doubt your going to "get any" but if u just want a good friend then go for it

TheMikey

If she's dumb enough to be a Jehova's Witness, what good is she to you?

sleephla

Well... it's not she's "chosen" to be a JW... she grew up that way... and most of her friends, family, and relatives are all JW's. So, if she left the "cult"... I'm sure she'd damn near be disowned... Being her friend is besides that point... I guess, in the long run... it'll be a good and long friendship. Right now, I guess I just dig her for her personality and a lot of the same interests...especially musical interests. I'm sure my feelings will blow over soon.

The fact of the matter is this... I don't think much of her religion when hanging out with her...that's probably why. I suppose I should do some research on JW's. Any factual advice I can get that isn't completely objective?

Slims

The fact that she is so...inflexible in her religious beliefs should be a big stay away flag for you. If you still decide to persue her, I recommend www.americanathiest.org as a nice source of ammunition to steadily wear her down.

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bigoldalphamale

i'm going with "no chance" also.

-Anders

This one's a tough one.
The route i would pick would be to be friends with her, good friends and steadily get to know how much she actually feels for 'the house' or whatever it's called.
Then at a later point in time, it something between you is a reality, you're going to have to make the choice of becomming a Jehovas Vitness, or she leaving them - either way it will be crippeling for one of you, but the way i see it, is that you're going to have to wait for quite some time and see how things develop. The choice is hard to make when you're not as deeply involved as you would have to be if you wish to make the choice.

I dont think that made sence, sorry.

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absorbentishe

No way dude... She won't give it up due to the religion, and if you change, you'd no longer be here... It's very fanatical if you haven't figured that out yet.

nowthen

The other thing you have to consider man is that she could really fall for you, walk away from her religion (and therefore her family) and then the relationship could go sour.... you would have to make very sure that you both wanted to be together before she burned any bridges.

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G_Whiz

In looking at all the advice above, I have only one thing to add. TALK TO HER ABOUT IT.

If you're thinking about the potential problems, she probably is too. You won't even know how she feels about "just being friends" unless you discuss it with her.

Like many others, I don't think things will work out positively for you. The only chance will be if the two of you talk it out and figure out whether you can make any sort of relationship work.

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Tophat665

Dude, dig elsewhere. You are diggin' a dry hole over a uranium mine. Jehoover's Witlesses are downright dangerous to the religiously naive.

Run Away. Do not pack. Do not say goodbye. Do not stop to by jujubees. Get the heck out of Dodge before you sprain your mind.

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sleephla

lol, jesus... that was quite the thought.

In actuality... and from everybody's advice here... I think I'm definitely gonna bag any option of trying to date her and what not. We're good friends... and until she tries to pull the religion out on me, I have nothing else to worry about so far.

Thank you again for all your advice, I really do appreciate it!

livewirerc

I'd suggest keeping it in the "friendship" arena for a while and see if she loosens up a little about her religious beliefs. Being raised in a VERY Christian family I can kinda understand her position. I'm currently engaged to be married (in less than a month!) to an awesome woman who is agnostic. I still hold my religious beliefs and my immediate family is supportive but my extended family is not. Good luck either way, but there's probably not a big chance of this working out in any capacity beyond a friendship.

Charlatan

She's young (I am guessing)... your feeling that she is looking to rebel might be genuine.

I'd say hang out and see where it goes.

Just be prepared for heartbreak because the chances of it happening, even if she breaks from the JWs, is great... But hell, the chance of heartbreak is there with EVERY relationship.

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Man

Man I kinda know how you feel. I like someone who is JW and I've got crazy stuff besides that going on as well.
You see I'm 21 and this girl is 17. She is also the sister of a close friends girlfriend. We all get on great but I have only met this girl a handfull of times and I think shes great.
A few weeks ago I asked her out and since then things have been weird. That night I tried telling my friend and he said he didn't want to know. Since then we have still got on but we won't even talkabout how I like this girl never mind the fact that I asked her out.
Anyways, I'm not sure the reason we arn't talking about it is because she's the younger sister of his girlfriend or the fact she is JW and the whole deal definatly won't happen so why talk about it.

I'm going to stop rambling on now but I thought I would air my frustrations here seeing as it's a little relevent.

Good luck with whatever you do though man.

forward1

Well – I joined TFP today and just started to look around. I didn’t expect to post a comment so soon, but your topic really hit home. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness by my parents, but figured out by age 13 that something about it was really whacked. I left home and the JW’s at 18. It meant losing my family (parents, a brother and two sisters), but it was the best decision of my life.

My advice is to watch out for your own mental health. Read up on the religion and get a better understanding about how they operate. I’m talking about the mind control aspects and the way they entice new recruits. This site is a good starting point:
www.watchtowerinformationservice.org

It sounds like your friend is going through some internal turmoil. It’s very difficult for a Witness to reconcile the crazy stuff they should believe with the reality around them. It’s also typical for someone in that position to go back and forth – hardcore one day, more easygoing the next. That’s how it was for me.

Unfortunately, most kids raised in the faith never make a complete break from it. They spend their lives guilt-ridden, going back and forth between the “World” and “The Truth”.

If she is going through this struggle, then she needs an objective non-judgmental friend. One who appreciates her for herself, not for how “good” a witness she is. You sound like that friend. Good luck, but watch out for yourself.