Musicians: hang on, this might take a while... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Redlemon · 09-29-2005, 11:13 AM

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not so easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

mr sticky · 09-29-2005, 11:34 AM

GROOOOAAAAAANNNSSS*

Argh! Redlemon.

Brewmaniac · 09-29-2005, 11:57 AM

Quite cleaver Redlemon! Thanks

Redlemon · 09-29-2005, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brewmaniac

Quite cleaver Redlemon! Thanks

Not an original, just a steal from elsewhere. The "open fifth" part is what really sold me on this joke.

Charlatan · 09-29-2005, 12:33 PM

Aberkok is going to love this...

I was laughing but it was only a minor laugh... not enough to make me fall off a clef or anything...

SirLance · 09-29-2005, 01:58 PM

How creative! Good post!

MooseMan3000 · 09-29-2005, 02:57 PM

It was clever towards the beginning, then it sorta of dropped off... "Everything's been so much treble." Wow.

God of Thunder · 09-29-2005, 04:16 PM

Man I feel like such a music nerd because I understood all of that and thought it was hilarious

ratbastid · 09-29-2005, 05:07 PM

EXCELLENT! Whoever came up with that was G.

G! What do you mean, you don't get it! G!

One Sharp guy!

aberkok · 09-29-2005, 06:24 PM

Great. Fantastic, and I just had to check it for consistency. Here's another:

Quote:

A couple of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Batter. At this point, you must understand two things:

1. Bass players hate playing Beethoven's 9th. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do... not a single note for page after page!
2. There's a tavern called Dez's 400 right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and have a few brews.

They had quickly downed the first couple rounds when one said,"Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another (presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place) replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Batter's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with he other." So they had another round and finally returned to the Opera House, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble.

And if you thought things couldn't get worse, both first stand players soon passed out right in their chairs! Batter was furious and on the verge of completely loosing it, as he began making gestures at the bases while trying to finish the piece and flip tied pages. But the absolute *worst* part of it: (brace yourself)
.
.
.
.
.
Batter was up at the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied with the basses loaded and two men out.

dagamore · 10-02-2005, 08:28 AM

i dont know what was worse, that i laughed at that, or that i got it

big time band geek.

LoganSnake · 10-02-2005, 09:39 AM

That was the most confusing thing I've read lately...

Zeraph · 10-02-2005, 08:43 PM

That was great

I got about 3/4ths of it.

tspikes51 · 10-02-2005, 09:37 PM

Wow. I thought music jokes couldn't get any less understandable to non-musicians until I heard this one. Nice.

onodrim · 10-02-2005, 10:06 PM

You just made me relearn all my music theory and laugh at the same time, I'm impressed!

divagrrrl · 10-04-2005, 08:14 PM

LOL I loved it!!!!!

ubertuber · 10-05-2005, 08:56 AM

Particularly good: "sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda"

Fly · 10-08-2005, 05:52 AM

ahahhahahhhaa........nice one Redlemon........

i liked aberkok's too..........

09-29-2005, 11:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Musicians: hang on, this might take a while... A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not so easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

09-29-2005, 11:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
mr sticky Psycho Location: NC	GROOOOAAAAAANNNSSS* Argh! Redlemon. __________________ The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

09-29-2005, 11:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	Quite cleaver Redlemon! Thanks __________________ "That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

09-29-2005, 12:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Aberkok is going to love this... I was laughing but it was only a minor laugh... not enough to make me fall off a clef or anything... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-29-2005, 01:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	How creative! Good post! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

09-29-2005, 02:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
MooseMan3000 wouldn't mind being a ninja. Location: Maine, the Other White State.	It was clever towards the beginning, then it sorta of dropped off... "Everything's been so much treble." Wow.

09-29-2005, 04:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
God of Thunder Talk nerdy to me Location: Flint, MI	Man I feel like such a music nerd because I understood all of that and thought it was hilarious __________________ I reject your reality, and substitute my own -- Adam Savage

09-29-2005, 05:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	EXCELLENT! Whoever came up with that was G. G! What do you mean, you don't get it! G! One Sharp guy!

10-02-2005, 08:28 AM	#11 (permalink)
dagamore Upright	i dont know what was worse, that i laughed at that, or that i got it big time band geek.

10-02-2005, 09:39 AM	#12 (permalink)
LoganSnake We work alone Location: Cake Town	That was the most confusing thing I've read lately... __________________ Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

10-02-2005, 08:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	That was great I got about 3/4ths of it.

10-02-2005, 09:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
tspikes51 Fuckin' A Location: Lex Vegas	Wow. I thought music jokes couldn't get any less understandable to non-musicians until I heard this one. Nice. __________________ "I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million." -Maddox

10-02-2005, 10:06 PM	#15 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	You just made me relearn all my music theory and laugh at the same time, I'm impressed! __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan

10-04-2005, 08:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
divagrrrl Crazy Location: SoCal	LOL I loved it!!!!!

10-05-2005, 08:56 AM	#17 (permalink)
ubertuber spudly Location: Ellay	Particularly good: "sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda" __________________ Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

10-08-2005, 05:52 AM	#18 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	ahahhahahhhaa........nice one Redlemon........ i liked aberkok's too.......... __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios