Long Read BUT HILLARIOUS
 

(Hope this is not a repost)

The following is supposedly an actual question given on University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A

i've herd a variation of it, still funny

I've never heard that one before. I really like it!

That is funny.

Brilliant. A chemically and sexually based dissection of Hell and its workings. I wish more students were as charmingly witty and smart as this student appears to be. Whether or not this is an actual occurance makes no difference to me, it's a well told and brilliant joke.

Cute story!

I've read it with a different ending but I like this one more.

I like it. Definitely deserves an A.

i got that in e-mail form a little while ago...

liked it then and like it now...

good post thebeat...

Hell yeah, great post and story. If it's true then hey, what the hell, even better.

Helluvah good time......

Ok, I stop now.

But that was the bonus question right? Why does it have any bearing on whether he got an A or not, unless his percentage was 89% or something? Is the phrasing of this story actually suggesting that he could've gotten every preceding answer wrong, but still recieve an A grade because of one witty answer?

Oh, yeah. It was pretty funny too.

That is good stuff.

True or not, it's a great story and hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

definitely enjoyed this..

reminded me of this kid in high school. on his bio mid term he drew a car crash depicting the laws of momentum and inertia. which made no sense since it was a biology paper.

I put that thing up on the personal webspace our college gives us just so other people
can read it... Good stuffs :)