Karby

i don't think these have been here...at least i haven't seen them here. they came in my e-mail. search gives nothing.

A girl and her mother were driving to school one day when the child asks her mother, "Mommy, how old are you?"
"Ladies don't tell their age, dear."
"Why not?"
"Because...we just don't."
That afternoon on a play date with a friend, the girl tells of the strange conversation with her mother. The friend replies "oh, just look at her driver's licence. That will tell you everything you need to know about a grown up."
That evening when her mother wasn't looking, the girl goes into her moms purse to sneak a look at her licence.
The next morning on the way to school, the girl says "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 31 years old."
Surprised, the mother says "Yes! how do you know that?"
"Well...I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 127 pounds."
"Well, how do you know that?!"
"Well...I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
shocked, the mother gasps and replies "Well, why is that, dear?"
"Because...
You got an 'F' in sex!"
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A man going on a business trip to Florida, tells his wife that he will write her once he arrives at his destination, just to let her know that he got there safely. He reaches the hotel, and writes to her as he promised, via email, but he accidently misspells her address, and, insted of being sent to the inbox of his wife, the letter goes to an elderly woman who had just been recently widowed, and who had decided to use a computer as a means to take her mind off of the death of her dearly departed husband. The old woman checks her email, reads the man's mis-directed letter, screams, and dies of a heart attack.
The letter reads:
"My dearest wife,
letting you know I got here safely. Geez, i'm burning up down here. If i had known it would be this hot, i wouldn't have worn the suit you gave me. Well, I'll be coming back in a week. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Love,
Your husband."

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~my karma ran over my dogma.~

mofonyx

Haha.. the 2nd one's good.

tekaweni

Both good ones, thanks!

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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

small one

Both good ones

gboz

Good ones.

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Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
-Berthold Auerbach

PayUp

I like the first one better. I can almost picture the look on mommy's face.

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Born to Lose.