ten commandments of college - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sillygirl · 04-05-2004, 12:33 PM

Hope it's not a repost...

Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend’s room. And God said, if you don’t nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don’t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild…in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping…in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school’s logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don’t need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student’s chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote!

FaderMonkey · 04-05-2004, 01:59 PM

I especially liked commandment #3

TM875 · 04-05-2004, 03:26 PM

very good...wish i was back in those days

User Name · 04-05-2004, 07:27 PM

Commandment 10 is something I'm very familiar with.

bond007 · 04-08-2004, 09:18 AM

ahhh college... it was good!

tkkfan · 04-08-2004, 02:56 PM

hmmm #9.....

CheeseButtons · 04-08-2004, 06:18 PM

LoL goodstuff....strikingly familiar 0_o

slimshaydee · 04-09-2004, 10:18 PM

WarWagon · 04-09-2004, 10:27 PM

I'm a sinner! I haven't hooked up, and I've LOST weight!

skier · 04-10-2004, 10:38 AM

HAhahahahahaha awesome
!

Quietus · 04-10-2004, 01:10 PM

Quote:

And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

Hehehe, very enjoyable (and true!), thank you very much!

Zoom · 04-10-2004, 08:37 PM

I've hooked up,
I have gained 3lbs

Paq · 04-30-2004, 10:45 AM

damn
i left out wearing a hoodie and eating at cafeteria so i can shit a lot...

damn
damn

damn..

oh well, back to college for me...any ideas where i should go

jahmdir · 05-03-2004, 12:29 AM

Well... quite a few of those are true... glad I am graduating soon

boom29 · 05-03-2004, 04:05 AM

Maybe we should add an 11th commandment...

XI - Thou Shalt Graduate

And as a last reminder, God said to Student, thou must graduate for you do not want to be the lone 8th year student in the introductory business course. Not to mention that expanding beer belly...

It only seems fitting. After all, this is why we go to college (in theory). Then again, this would all depend on whether "thou" actually went to class and learned something.

04-05-2004, 12:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	ten commandments of college Hope it's not a repost... Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all. I- Thou Shalt Nap And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend’s room. And God said, if you don’t nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good. II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don’t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good. III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild…in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping…in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good. IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school’s logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased. V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain. VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don’t need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good. VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not. VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom. IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer. And God gave Student the final Commandment X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student’s chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good. This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote! __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

04-05-2004, 03:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	very good...wish i was back in those days __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

04-08-2004, 02:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
tkkfan Insane Location: Flying over your house	hmmm #9..... __________________ I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

04-08-2004, 06:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
CheeseButtons Crazy Location: 1000 miles from nowhere	LoL goodstuff....strikingly familiar 0_o __________________ Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

04-09-2004, 10:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	amen

04-05-2004, 01:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
FaderMonkey Psycho Location: Orlando, FL	I especially liked commandment #3

04-05-2004, 07:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
User Name Banned Location: Urf	Commandment 10 is something I'm very familiar with.

04-08-2004, 09:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
bond007 Junkie Location: too far from Texas	ahhh college... it was good!

04-09-2004, 10:27 PM	#9 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	I'm a sinner! I haven't hooked up, and I've LOST weight!

04-10-2004, 10:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	HAhahahahahaha awesome ! __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

04-10-2004, 08:37 PM	#12 (permalink)
Zoom Tilted	I've hooked up, I have gained 3lbs __________________ ZOOM ZOOM

04-30-2004, 10:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
Paq Junkie Location: South Carolina	damn i left out wearing a hoodie and eating at cafeteria so i can shit a lot... damn damn damn.. oh well, back to college for me...any ideas where i should go __________________ Live. Chris

05-03-2004, 12:29 AM	#14 (permalink)
jahmdir Upright Location: In Transition	Well... quite a few of those are true... glad I am graduating soon __________________ Darkened amongst the light is the shadow day and night.

05-03-2004, 04:05 AM	#15 (permalink)
boom29 Insane	Maybe we should add an 11th commandment... XI - Thou Shalt Graduate And as a last reminder, God said to Student, thou must graduate for you do not want to be the lone 8th year student in the introductory business course. Not to mention that expanding beer belly... It only seems fitting. After all, this is why we go to college (in theory). Then again, this would all depend on whether "thou" actually went to class and learned something.