B.A.R.S. outbreak - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sticky · 05-02-2003, 07:58 AM

Public Health Warning - B.A.R.S.

Health Canada has issued a health warning regarding a newly discovered disease which is rapidly spreading throughout the world. The disease is B.A.R.S. (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome) and effects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to effect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns. It is yet unknown how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world-wide have been affected, with new cases being discovered every day.

Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 5:00 pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include singing loudly off-key, heightened sexual attraction (even towards hideous targets), and loud laughter. Sometimes in this stage, deaths have occurred, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Zeke, watch this!" In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and spout sayings like, "Goony Goo Goo", or "I gaga go home". Vomiting is a frequent symptom at this stage. If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine yourself in a bar until last call. Your diligence in containing the B.A.R.S. outbreak is greatly appreciated.

forgotten_dream · 05-02-2003, 10:29 AM

I think a friend of mine had that!

pilot123 · 05-02-2003, 01:29 PM

Oh Fuck, I think I have that. I better go to the hospital(bar) and get a shot(of tequila). Maybe that will help get rid of it. I may have to check in and get a get a public room.

DEI37 · 05-02-2003, 07:00 PM

Funny. I know some people that practically live in bars...not funny.

GreenCloud · 05-02-2003, 08:20 PM

oh damn, i may be developing BARS - someone get me a fake ID, quick!

cchris · 05-02-2003, 11:36 PM

What a hoot.
Thats great stuff.

qpid · 05-03-2003, 05:03 AM

hmm 5pm eh?
seems kinda late for me

05-02-2003, 10:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
forgotten_dream Psycho	I think a friend of mine had that! __________________ "A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."

05-02-2003, 08:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
GreenCloud Insane Location: Boone, NC	oh damn, i may be developing BARS - someone get me a fake ID, quick! __________________ "Boy, I like that echo... goes right through my head... I had that happen once, but it was chemically induced...." - Steve Earle

05-02-2003, 11:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	What a hoot. Thats great stuff. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

05-03-2003, 05:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
qpid Psycho Location: Detroit	hmm 5pm eh? seems kinda late for me __________________ My army will take over the world join us or be destroyed. I am the Emperor Supreme Join the Revolution! Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one

05-02-2003, 07:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sticky	B.A.R.S. outbreak Public Health Warning - B.A.R.S. Health Canada has issued a health warning regarding a newly discovered disease which is rapidly spreading throughout the world. The disease is B.A.R.S. (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome) and effects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to effect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns. It is yet unknown how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world-wide have been affected, with new cases being discovered every day. Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 5:00 pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include singing loudly off-key, heightened sexual attraction (even towards hideous targets), and loud laughter. Sometimes in this stage, deaths have occurred, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Zeke, watch this!" In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and spout sayings like, "Goony Goo Goo", or "I gaga go home". Vomiting is a frequent symptom at this stage. If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine yourself in a bar until last call. Your diligence in containing the B.A.R.S. outbreak is greatly appreciated. __________________ Sticky The Stickman

05-02-2003, 01:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
pilot123 Tilted	Oh Fuck, I think I have that. I better go to the hospital(bar) and get a shot(of tequila). Maybe that will help get rid of it. I may have to check in and get a get a public room.

05-02-2003, 07:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Funny. I know some people that practically live in bars...not funny.