Alternate Verbiage - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 09-25-2008, 11:31 AM

THE WASHINGTON POST HAS PUBLISHED THE WINNING SUBMISSIONS TO ITS YEARLY CONTEST, IN WHICH READERS ARE ASKED TO SUPPLY ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS. AND THE WINNERS ARE:

1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Amaras · 09-25-2008, 07:13 PM

Sir, I thank you for your mighty fine post.
Frickin' great.

genuinegirly · 09-25-2008, 07:21 PM

Hehehehe. Highly enjoyable list you have there.

Nisses · 09-26-2008, 12:06 AM

Like puns, but in reverse.

I don't know why I had to laugh particularly at 5, 9 14 and 16.

09-25-2008, 11:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Alternate Verbiage THE WASHINGTON POST HAS PUBLISHED THE WINNING SUBMISSIONS TO ITS YEARLY CONTEST, IN WHICH READERS ARE ASKED TO SUPPLY ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS. AND THE WINNERS ARE: 1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs. 2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent. 6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp. 8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline. 11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam. 12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

09-25-2008, 07:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
Amaras Junkie Location: At my daughter's beck and call.	Sir, I thank you for your mighty fine post. Frickin' great. __________________ Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

09-25-2008, 07:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Hehehehe. Highly enjoyable list you have there. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

09-26-2008, 12:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	Like puns, but in reverse. I don't know why I had to laugh particularly at 5, 9 14 and 16. __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.