Letter to Santa
 

Make your own!!!

http://www.wtv-zone.com/LadyBoheme/dearsanta.html


Dear Santa,

I have been a good Girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Maleficent's Christmas party. It was Sweetpea who spiked the punch with too much rum runner. I can't help it if I drank 3 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like clove.

I thought it was funny when I put JustJess's thong on my head and danced the waltz on the bed while singing `Round and Round'. I didn't mean to break Amonkie's vcr and don't know why Onesnowyowl would sue me for statutory rape.

I don't remember calling Charlatan's wife a battered chicken---even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and black lipstick!

And when I threw up on *Nikki*'s husband's little toe, it was only because I ate too much of that beef jerky.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my camaro through my neighbor's kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a dank kitty and have me arrested for murder!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all large and wet. And I'm really not to blame for any of this dark stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and patiently yours,
Shannon (Really a nice Girl!)

P.S. It's only 7 bucks!

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at amonkie's Christmas party. It was ngdawg who spiked the punch with too much Champagne. I can't help it if I drank 4 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like cinnamon.

I thought it was funny when I put paddyjoe's sweater on my head and danced the Lambada on the ottoman while singing `Hot Stuff'. I didn't mean to break amonkie's DVD player and don't know why amonkie would sue me for indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Charlatan's wife a pretty cow---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and orange lipstick!

And when I threw up on ShaniFaye's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that trifle.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Porsche through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a heavy ferret and have me arrested for breaking and entering!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all fast and ugly. And I'm really not to blame for any of this old stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and smelly yours,
onesnowyowl (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 22 bucks!

dear santa.......


you fuckin' fat bastard you.......i asked for a big in like grade 2 and you gave me a fuckin' block of wood with some wheels nailed to it......like wtf was that?

anyways.......a kid down the road spilled it and told me you weren't real,all nothing but a big 'ol story.

well....fuck you........how could you do that to so many little kids?

false hopes and dreams ,all shattered just like that.


thanks alot.....bastard

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Jenny's Christmas party. It was Rachel who spiked the punch with too much screech. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like vanilla.

I thought it was funny when I put kathleen's bra on my head and danced the twist on the footstool while singing `More than this'. I didn't mean to break Jenny's computer and don't know why Jenny would sue me for murder.

I don't remember calling Stan's wife a bloated pig---even though she looked like one with yellow eye shadow and red lipstick!

And when I threw up on Kim's husband's ear, it was only because I ate too much of that pasta.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my jeep through my neighbor's foyer. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a loopy wombat and have me arrested for rape!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all scrawny and sweaty. And I'm really not to blame for any of this hot stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and morbidly yours,
Lucifer (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 45 bucks!

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Jesus's Christmas party. It was Judas who spiked the punch with too much pork nog. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like myrrh.

I thought it was funny when I put Moses's cloak on my head and danced the jig on the hearth while singing `O come all ye faithful'. I didn't mean to break Jesus's ark of the covenant and don't know why Jesus would sue me for laying with man as with woman.

I don't remember calling Caiaphus's wife a molten sheep---even though she looked like one with black eye shadow and grey lipstick!

And when I threw up on Mary Magdalene's husband's feet, it was only because I ate too much of that fish.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my cart through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a deceiving snake and have me arrested for spilling my seed upon the ground!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all cloven and heathen. And I'm really not to blame for any of this sodden stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and quickly yours,
John (Really a nice boy!)

P.S. It's only 48 bucks!

damn..... all I can think of as I read this is this video:

Santa Didn't Get Your Letter

HAHAHAHAHA

FROM:MRS. M SESE-SEKO

DEAREST FRIEND SANTA,

I AM MRS. SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE? NOW KNOWN AS DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO (DRC). I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER, THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION.

I ESCAPED ALONG WITH MY HUSBAND AND TWO OF OUR SONS JAMES KONGOLO AND BASHER NZANGA OUT OF DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO (DRC) TO ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE WHERE MY FAMILY AND I SETTLED, WHILE WE LATER MOVED TO SETTLED IN MORROCO WHERE MY HUSBAND LATER DIED OF CANCER DISEASE. HOWEVER DUE TO THIS SITUATION WE DECIDED TO CHANGED MOST OF MY HUSBAND'S BILLIONS OF DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN SWISS BANK AND OTHER COUNTRIES INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE THE NEW HEAD OF STATE OF (DR) MR LAURENT KABILA HAS MADE ARRANGEMENT WITH THE SWISS GOVERNMENT AND OTHER EUROPEAN COUNTRIES TO FREEZE ALL MY LATE HUSBAND'S TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRIES.

HENCE MY CHILDREN AND I DECIDED LAYING LOW IN AFRICA TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER, LIKE NOW THAT PRESIDENT KABILA IS DEAD AND THE SON TAKING OVER (JOSEPH KABILA). ONE OF MY LATE HUSBAND'S CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY IDENTITY SO THAT MY INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED.

I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF EIHGTEEN MLLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$18,000,000,00.) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY , FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST US BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF.ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY SON ( KONGOLO ) WHO HAS THE OUT MODALITIES FOR THE CLAIM OF THE SAID FUNDS.

I WANT YOU TO ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT MY IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCK IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON-SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS, AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE, WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU. IN CONCLUSION, IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST US , MY SON SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THE BUSINESS, TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.

FOR THIS REASON KINDLY FURNISH US YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION, THAT IS YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER FOR CONFIDENTIAL PURPOSE AND ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS MAIL USING THE ABOVE EMAIL ADDRESS.

BEST REGARDS,

MRS M. SESE SEKO

Wow... Santa's gonna get rich! I wish I could get an great offer like that...

Dear Santa,

1:45 under the tree is fine. My girlfriend is still shy, tell Mrs. Clause these thigns take time. The Elves are always welcome but Rudolph stays up stairs where the sick bastard can fuckin' die.
I'll bring the nog, you bring the rum and I am not falling for "It's just snow" trick again.
Don't forget to bring you special bag of toys.
To bring joy for all us girls and boys.


Sincerely,
D.Mantus
Who's been a very bad boy
So spank me fatman
and spread the Christmas joy.



PS.
Tell Minx the Elf
That if she wan't a lickin'
She better not have anyone a-stickin'
Elvish sloppy seconds are frickin' nasty
And I wan't something tasty

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Charlatan's Christmas party. It was Sportswidow05 who spiked the punch with too much single malt scotch. I can't help it if I drank 12 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Gingerbread.

I thought it was funny when I put BigBen's t-shirt on my head and danced the the achy breaky on the chaise lounge while singing `Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw...'. I didn't mean to break Charlatan's IPod and don't know why Charlatan would sue me for Jaywalking.

I don't remember calling Rick's wife a Grumpy Chick---even though she looked like one with Red eye shadow and Maroon lipstick!

And when I threw up on ShaniFaye's husband's Leg, it was only because I ate too much of that Potato.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Airplane through my neighbor's Attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Testy Dog and have me arrested for Voyeurism!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all Wishy Washy and Grumpy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this foul mouthed stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and Stingily yours,
Maleficent (Really a naughty girl!)

P.S. It's only 10,985,345 bucks!

Dear Santa,

You ain't nuthin' but a stupid fat old pervy drunk.
Pinching little kids' asses is sooo not cool, you jerk.
No wonder kids look so scared in the mall photos enclosed with my Christmas cards.

I hope you step in reindeer poop & elf vomit when you stumble your lousy stinkin' ass home to your halfway house bed.

Fuck off & die you asshole. Leave the kids alone, you bastard.
Get a job as a Walmart greeter where security cameras will watch your asshole every move, you greasy scumball.

And for gawds sake, take a bath, you foul smelling piece of crap.

Merry Fucking Christmas, you loser dickhead.

Sincerely,
bernadette

Dear Santa:

I asked for a pony in 1956. Nevermind. I don't want a 49 year-old pony.

Please bring more coal. I could use the heat.