Stop Masturbating, it kills kittens!!! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jam · 05-11-2004, 11:56 PM

source : http://www.xent.com/FoRK-archive/spring96/0143.html

i thought this was funnt...

i like number 6, instead of kids who masturbate we will get more obese kids good thinkin eh?

and there were studies that masturbating helps reduce the risk of prostate cancer... these people say its a disease, it needs to be cured, and if your friends masturbate you need to ditch them..

im sorry tfp peoples, i can no longer talk to 90 % of you

Quote:

The following "informational packet" was distributed to students
at Christ the King grade and middle school in Lombard, Illinois last
week.

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty.
Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if
you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where
we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and
when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced
at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than
knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION.
If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you
will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may
have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the
following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except
during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good
company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this
same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
Never associate with other people having the same
weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit
together, you never will. You must get away from people
of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep
your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be
taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really
exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome
things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.
Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes --
just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN
GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have
some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for
the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely
that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so
that it would be difficult and time consuming for you
to remove those clothes. By the time you started to
remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently
controlled your thinking that the temptation would
leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in
bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX
YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the
night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your
fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this
suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING
ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to
speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your
problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a
thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be
changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in
your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be
free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times.
Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures --
Sermons of the Brethern [sic]. Make a daily habit of
reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably
from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or
the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can
be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem,
for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than
ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the
Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries,the General
Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE
PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER --
NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS.
KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! The attitude of a person
toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how easy it
is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment
be made to control the habit. As a person understands
his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the
conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for
the act, he develops the power to control it. We are
taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to
be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us.
Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the
Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is
not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme.
It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and
secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of
the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal
purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and
defeats the gospel plan. This self-gratifying activity
will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony
becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church
callings become burdensome offerings.

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which
will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently
and not loud when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The
exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and
are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem.
Double your physical activity when you feel stress
increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_
to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and
then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an
inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your
thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week,
month, year and finally commit to never doing it again.
Until you commit yourself to _never_again_ you will
always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved
through a changed self-image. Spend time every day
imagining yourself strong and in control, easily
overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program.
Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to
improving your relationships with your family, God and
others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with
others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them.
Use principles of developing friendships found in books
such as _How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People_ by
Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause
you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged.
These emotional states can trigger the desire to
masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to
counter these low periods through various activities,
such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing
something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card.
Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have
a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal
will be to have _no_black_days_. The calendar becomes
a strong visual reminder of self control and should be
looked at when you are tempted to add another black
day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least
three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem
at certain times and under certain conditions. Try
and recall, in detail, what your particular times and
conditions were. Now that you understand how it
happens, plan to break the pattern through
counter-activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective
technique called _aversion_therapy_. When we
associate or think of something very distasteful with
something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable,
the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to
cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you
associate something very distasteful with your loss of
self-control it will help you to stop the act. For
example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of
having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of
them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the
bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to
discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool
brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed
awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and
do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic
activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large
amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your
food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and
not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials
that might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to
use in overcoming this problem. A _Book_of_Mormon_,
firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven
helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand
to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of
masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken.
This can also be accomplished by wearing several
layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove
while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not
have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle
each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on
something which delights you and will be a continuing
reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or
attitude patterns which were part of your problem.
_Satan_Never_Gives_Up_ . Be calmly and confidently on
guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win
this fight!

yster · 05-12-2004, 12:05 AM

My seven wives and 24 children will no doubt find this brilliant plan very helpful! Thank you, for such a valuable resource in fighting this terrible epidemic! <3

SkanK0r · 05-12-2004, 01:11 AM

I see stuff like this and I can't help but think of the Taliban or something. I don't mean that in a flamebaitey way or anything... it just seems so terrible to guilt a kid into packing his balls with ice so he doesn't get any urges.

bermuDa · 05-12-2004, 01:50 AM

BE SCARED OF YOUR GENITALS, THEY'LL BITE YOUR HAND OFF IF YOU TOUCH THEM. JESUS LOVES YOU BUT HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU WAX YOUR CARROT!

lol i think i just pissed myself reading that pamphlet

Nachimir · 05-12-2004, 03:36 AM

ROFL

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, and it took me years to get over the guilt conditioned into me over this.

Number 11:

Quote:

For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

There's a recipe for some fucked up fetishes: "Wiggle your fingers baby! Wiggle!"

hossified · 05-12-2004, 04:53 AM

yeah...north america is soooo advanced comapred to other countries!!! Man....I also love how they still preach abstinance in public schools as oppsed to protecting yourself from STD's etc...

...if everyone followed this...we'd have a bunch of stiff as a board....terrible LAYS out there......as everyone would be too guilty to actually enjoy sex!!! Ever run into one of these types?? I have and it sucks!

skier · 05-12-2004, 05:10 AM

Quote:

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_
to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and
then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an
inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your
thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

I'd be put into a mental institution for doing that every hour.

nanofever · 05-12-2004, 06:26 AM

My plan was going fine and then I read "Songs of Solomon". I wonder how many years a person gets in pergatory for wanking to the bible.

"How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.

2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies.

3 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins.

4 Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.

5 Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.

6 How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

7 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.

8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples;

9 And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.

10 I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.

11 Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages.

12 Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.

13 The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved."

rsl12 · 05-12-2004, 07:30 AM

poor kids that actually go through with this. they will have the kinkiest fantasies ever--tubs of worms, tied hands, books of mormons...

Sparhawk · 05-12-2004, 09:06 AM

nanofever, that made me hard. especially the part about the pomegranates.

jazzwyld · 05-12-2004, 10:55 AM

I think its fucked up how we try to inhibate sex. SPeaking as one, christians have a lot of things going for them, but they are definitely fucked about sex, i don't think they get how great of a gift it is, and what do you do to a gift...you share it!

Harloquin · 05-12-2004, 11:18 AM

Shoot the people who write this garbage. Anyone who thinks that masturbation is a bad thing should be ended immediately.

queedo · 05-12-2004, 08:54 PM

I have been to the animal shelter and I have seen the overcrowding of kittens, I feel I owe it to them to make some room in those cages!

WarWagon · 05-12-2004, 08:55 PM

I shall fight cancer to the fullest extent possible. I may even devote my life's work to doing so.

Crack · 05-13-2004, 10:43 AM

Quote:

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials
that might create sexual excitement.

Then what is there to live for?

05-12-2004, 01:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	BE SCARED OF YOUR GENITALS, THEY'LL BITE YOUR HAND OFF IF YOU TOUCH THEM. JESUS LOVES YOU BUT HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU WAX YOUR CARROT! lol i think i just pissed myself reading that pamphlet __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

05-12-2004, 06:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
nanofever Huzzah for Welcome Week, Much beer shall I imbibe. Location: UCSB	My plan was going fine and then I read "Songs of Solomon". I wonder how many years a person gets in pergatory for wanking to the bible. "How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. 2 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies. 3 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins. 4 Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus. 5 Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries. 6 How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights! 7 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. 8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; 9 And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. 10 I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. 11 Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. 12 Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves. 13 The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved." __________________ I'm leaving for the University of California: Santa Barbara in 5 hours, give me your best college advice - things I need, good ideas, bad ideas, nooky, ect. Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum: "Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."

05-12-2004, 07:30 AM	#9 (permalink)
rsl12 On the lam Location: northern va	poor kids that actually go through with this. they will have the kinkiest fantasies ever--tubs of worms, tied hands, books of mormons... __________________ oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.

05-12-2004, 09:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
Sparhawk Dubya Location: VA	nanofever, that made me hard. especially the part about the pomegranates. __________________ "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

05-12-2004, 10:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
jazzwyld Upright Location: Outside Reality	I think its fucked up how we try to inhibate sex. SPeaking as one, christians have a lot of things going for them, but they are definitely fucked about sex, i don't think they get how great of a gift it is, and what do you do to a gift...you share it! __________________ You keep searching, but what you're looking for is inside. Forget about who you thought you were, and accept who you are.

05-12-2004, 12:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
yster Tilted	My seven wives and 24 children will no doubt find this brilliant plan very helpful! Thank you, for such a valuable resource in fighting this terrible epidemic! <3

05-12-2004, 01:11 AM	#3 (permalink)
SkanK0r Crazy	I see stuff like this and I can't help but think of the Taliban or something. I don't mean that in a flamebaitey way or anything... it just seems so terrible to guilt a kid into packing his balls with ice so he doesn't get any urges.

05-12-2004, 04:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
hossified face f$cker Location: canada	yeah...north america is soooo advanced comapred to other countries!!! Man....I also love how they still preach abstinance in public schools as oppsed to protecting yourself from STD's etc... ...if everyone followed this...we'd have a bunch of stiff as a board....terrible LAYS out there......as everyone would be too guilty to actually enjoy sex!!! Ever run into one of these types?? I have and it sucks!

05-12-2004, 11:18 AM	#12 (permalink)
Harloquin Upright Location: womb...	Shoot the people who write this garbage. Anyone who thinks that masturbation is a bad thing should be ended immediately.

05-12-2004, 08:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
queedo Shodan	I have been to the animal shelter and I have seen the overcrowding of kittens, I feel I owe it to them to make some room in those cages! __________________ If you think you can or you can't, you are right!

05-12-2004, 08:55 PM	#14 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	I shall fight cancer to the fullest extent possible. I may even devote my life's work to doing so.