Gilda

They announced at the end of episodes of the marathon somthing like this:

Are you a beautiful woman? Are you a geek who would like to help a beautiful woman? Apply by blah blah blah.

So I'm all excited now. I'm a geek. I knew all of the answers to the geek questions except the car ones. I wouldn't mind helping a beautiful woman learn more about science and geek stuff, and I figure that she could teach me about all that fashion and makeup stuff that's never made mush sense to me, such as why on earth anyone would want to wear one of those shirts with the gigantic DKNY or TOMMY logo on it.

So what do you think, do I have a chance? I'm really smart, I'm socially inept, I have difficulty talking to attractive women, I can't dance, I don't know much about designer fashions (I shop mostly at Sears and Target), so it would seem that I'm perfect. I won't tell them I'm married, and there aren't any official records for that anyway.

I think it's looking good. I'm going to go apply now.

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Fremen

If they only knew you like we know you, Gilda. You'd be a shoo-in.
I wonder if they're that open minded, or would they assume you had made a mistake on which side you applied for.

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maleficent

Hate to tell you this, but as geeky as you think you are... your beauty is way more apparant... They aren't gonna buy you as a geek...

but hey, go for it - -it'll be a good experience, especiallyif you videotape it for us

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Gilda

Alas, the applications are not divided into Beauty and Geek categories, just male and female. I may fill it out just for kicks.

Most of it seems to be pretty straightforward stuff, but there are some interesting questions:

WHAT MAKES YOU A GOOD GIRLFRIEND

I put out on the first date.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT GUY

I don't think a girl could do better than Rock Hudson.

FLIRTING IS

You know that scene in Marathon Man where Szell is drilling into Dustin Hoffman's healthy tooth? If given a choice between flirting with a guy and that, I'd have to think long and hard before deciding.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST SKILL YOU CAN TEACH A GUY? DON'T BE MODEST

I'm thinking cunnilingus here. I'm really, really good, and most guys could use a few lessons, I think. Wait, how to deconstruct children's literature! Yeah that's what I meant.

HOW COMPETETIVE ARE YOU?

I'm the least competetive person I know. Really, you name someone, and I'll bet that I'm less competetive than she is. A lot less competetive.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TOPIC YOU CAN TALK FOR HOURS ON

Comics books of course. Oh also, the really awkward grammar and stilted usage found in applications for reality tv shows.

WHAT IS YOUR WORST SUBJECT AND WHY

Ohhhh, women. I can never understand the way their minds work. Oh and men, they baffle me too. Teenagers are bit of a puzzle. Relating to other people would probably be the best summary.

WHAT'S THE WORST WAY YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE?

Hmmm. I got a restraining order, and when the police escorted me to his apartment to get my things, I stole his comic books.

LIST YOUR THREE (3) CLOSEST MALE FRIENDS IN THE AREA THAT WE CAN CALL AS REFERENCES

The problem here is that all my male friends are geeks themselves, and might beat me out for a spot in the show. Heck, I could probably populate the geek side just with my comic book group.

LIST YOUR THREE (3) CLOSEST FEMALE FRIENDS IN THE AREA THAT WE CAN CALL AS REFERENCES

I don't have any female friends. Other women tend to be intimidated by my termendous intellect and encyclopedic knowledge of the history of The New Teen Titans.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

maleficent

oh those are brilliant answers - -I hope t hat you get a callback on creativity alone...

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Fremen

I just have to laugh. Brilliant.

*bows*

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Gilda

More:

HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX TO YOU? DO YOU HAVE SEX ONLY WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP, OR DO YOU SEEK IT OUT AT OTHER TIMES?

I will have sex only with someone whom I have known for a minimum of three months and only once I have established with her an intimate emotional connection. Anything else just seems irresponsible.

DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARASSING MOMENT

I applied for Big Brother 4, and got a call back for a personal interview, and when they did my background check, they discovered that just about everything I'd put in my application was a bald faced lie.

WHAT WAS THE LAST UNUSUAL, EXCITING, OR SPONTANEOUS OUTING YOU INSTIGATED?

Well, I went into the big city for therapy, and when I was done--prepare to be shocked--I went window shopping. I even--and this is the part where it gets a little bit naughty--tried on clothes that were too expensive and I had no intention of buying. Whew! I am so glad to get that off my chest.

Wait, last week, instead of Subway, I got my lunch at Quiznos instead. Gotta tell you, that was quite an adventure.

DESCRIBE SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULDN'T GET CAUGHT.

Photoshop Ashton Kutcher's head onto various porn stars' bodies in hard core porn movies and mail the resulting videos to all of the studio heads in Hollywood.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS, SPECIAL NEEDS, OR FEARS WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

I am severly camera phobic. I haven't let anyone but my wife take a picture of me in more than five years, and then only rarely. I'm hoping that my appearance on the show could be edited out, or even better, my scenes could be reinacted by someone who closely resembles me, like say, Nikki Cox.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Charlatan

I love this kind of backhanded humour.

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ratbastid

I don't think they know what they're in for with you...

Correct me (since I don't know the program in question), but the design of this thing is that there's a hetero beautiful female and a hetero geeky male, right? The questionnaire questions clearly didn't account for the possibility of a beautiful geeky lesbian. I think you're going to throw the curve way off.

oblar

hehe Gilda, I must say your answers are priceless The competitivness is hard to beat, but I am pretty sure I am less competitive *grin*

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.All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

Gilda

Well, beauty wise, these girls are way out of my league. Grace would fit in nicely with them, though.

But basically, yeah, that's the premise, an academically challenged, fashion conscious beautiful woman is paired with a socially challenged geeky male. She teaches him about dancing, fashion, giving a massage, etc. and he teaches her about model rockets, astronomy, how to change a tire, and so forth, and then they're tested on what they've learned.

But it doesn't say explicitly that the geeks have to be hetero males, just that the geeks must be interested in helping a beautiful woman. Except for being male, I fit all the qualifications: Nerdy, socially inept, heck I've even go the nerd glasses for it.

Hey, maybe Grace could apply to be one of the Beauties? Nah, she's too smart and knows less about designer fashion than I do.

I've applied for every season of Survivor and every season of Big Brother and half a dozen other shows so bad they all ended up being one shots or not even making it on air. Grace and I have applied for The Amazing Race, hoping to get cast as the token homosexual couple, but they seem to always want gay guys.

So far it's been a purely academic exercise. I got a personal interview for Fear Factor once, but didn't get on air. Reality TV probably isn't the best choice for a camera phobic anyway.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Redlemon

I don't laugh out loud while reading. Especially at work. That sound that I made when reading your response to HOW COMPETETIVE ARE YOU was just a cough, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it. :whistles innocently:

The sad part is, all that humor would go right over the head of the lackey assigned to reading the applications.

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feelgood

Pretty good, I hope you get it.

Are you sure that's what you want to put in your application? That kind of answer is gonna imply that you're falsifying as you speak.

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Anomaly_

I don't think Ashton Kutcher is going to mess with the formula. Heck, they didn't even have a non-white or slightly overweight geek. If it were actually a "social experiment" like they claim, I could see this consistency as being a way to control variables. The elimination element, for me, almost ruined the show; if they still wanted to have a cash prize they could have just had a running point or money total. Instead, likable couples get the boot and you never see how they would have developed.

fresnelly

I'm pretty sure this is the kind of chaotic Gold all reality show producers are looking for. You also might want to list your occupation as "Bartender" or anything "Freelance"

At the very least you should be able to get a spot on Elim-a-Date.

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Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life