sprocket

just dropped the bomb on my right wing devout catholic parents that I'm now employed with one of the largest porn companies in the world. (no im not "talent", sadly.. not built like halx:P.. im in sales ) aside from the startling mix of strangely dressed people and businessmen, and the porn on open display on computer screens throughout the office, the job is actually pretty normal. It's an office like any other.. just with a bit more "color". after a couple years in mainstream cubicle hell, i vowed never to work in an office again. dunno how you guys do it. lifes to short to sit in a cube. but ive actually found an "office" job that fits my style.. the tech behind the porn is a rapidly changing industry, more than enough to keep me challenged and interested, its actually tons of fun. never been big on porn really, but it definately makes for a more interesting office experience to say the least.

but.. i got the impression my parents were kind of upset when i told them.. mabye it was when my dad likened my profession to that of a thug in the mafia.. or mabye it was when my mom described pornography as despicable. then she started using many other profoundly bad, scripture-esque words to describe the people i work with.. people she has never met. very biblical words like wicked, vile, evil, trecherous and a few i cant recall at the moment. i never quite realized the monumental divide between the values of my parents, and my own until now. my parents and I really do reside in totally different, totally opposed realites. what was most distrubing was how they *instantly* labeled anyone who works in the industry as evil. this seems to be a recurring problem i run into with many suburban christians.. they use their scriptures as a template to characterize all people and all situations, never entertaining the notion that there are lessons in life to learn wich were not described and written about in the bible. if your values arent aligned with the good, the label is applied and you are marked as evil. you are now a caricature in their mind, embodying all the stereotypical components of evil described in the bible.. they cannot see humanity in you at all. compassion and understanding is not applicable to you anymore. you're an ememy of god.

i dont for a second beleive everything is all roses in the industry i work in. theres definately some shadiness, definately some bad people. but.. i have yet to find a place where there that does not exist.

then they started spouting off things like, 'porn is more addicting than crack... its another addiction and im helping to spread it, im hurting people etc, etc'. it was obvious this an issue theyve thought long and hard yet completely failed to understand. oh well, should make for an interesting christmas vacation when the whole family will be together.

they couldnt understand how i could not be ashamed of myself and of what i do. i just dont get it.. i really dont. to me, if someone feels ashamed to know me or interact with me based on what i do, i look at that as a flaw in their character not mine. to me, that kind of attitude is always a sign of someone who has had a very limited life experience.

im kind of regretting telling them now, but something like that becomes kind of hard to lie about. all in all my parents are good people and i respect them enough not to lie to them if i can help it. i would have had to construct and maintain a very big deception to hide it from them for long. it was more for their sake that i considered lying about my job, than for mine. i have no problem with what i do, but i know they will be spending a good deal of time now thinking about where they "failed as parents". my mom is probably doing double time on the rosary as we speak. damn if its one thing catholics are good at, its laying a guilt trip down on their kids. theyve got it down to a science

ahh its getting late.. ill stop ranting. just needed to vent.

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Remember, wherever you go... there you are.

sadistikdreams

So if you work in porn... Does that mean that NSFW doesn't apply to you?

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"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.

katie_ann1031

Couldn't have said it better myself. I myself am Catholic, but I realize and accept the modern world I live in, a world so far removed from the world in which Catholocism was founded that at this point it becomes irrelevant. So, there are a few of us Catholics out there that aren't too crazy. In the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. *crosses self*

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KellyC

This is so true in my mom's case. Just a few weeks ago she wanted me to go to church with my sister. I, of course, don't want to, so she says, "I only want what's best for you. I want you to go to church so you can be closer to God and recieve his blessing so that I don't have to worry for you any more. If you love me then you'll listen to me and go to church."

Me: FUCK!!

Well, I didn't say it out loud, but that's how I feel inside. I don't even know what to say at that moment so I just mumble and say, "yeah, yeah" hoping the conversation would end soon.

And my sick, twisted sister who got my mom on my back was standing there in the kitchen, laughing.

Damn, if I have a job in the porn industry, I think I'll tell my mom and the relatives and family friends just to see the look on their face.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

healer

I say good on ya for telling 'em - lying to them (or lying by omission) would've probably made things worse. I mean they would've found out in the end, and sooner is always better than later.

The fact that your mom started calling people she doesn't even know things like that just says to me she's old-fashioned, hasn't moved with the times, is narrow-minded perhaps etc etc. They have to realise that just because you have a new job doesn't mean it's changed the person you are (the good Catholic boy they've come to know and love )

If it were me, I'd be broadcasting that wonderful news

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Schwan

Congrats for telling them. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to them at all, but your own job and lfestyle is something they should keep out of.

analog

Wow. I'm surprised you told them. lol From their reaction, I don't get the impression their Catholicism was a sudden thing, but that they've been like that for a while... did you not think about their potentional reaction to it?

Anyhow- good work, good luck (with the parents and the job) and let us know if anything interesting happens!

alansmithee

It's unfortunate, but I don't see how this wouldn't be expected. You know you work in a business that has a negative image. You also (presumably) know your parents and their religiousness. It's not a big jump to assume that they would disappove of your job.

And as for it being a flaw in someone's character for not liking what you do, that's just wrong. The porn industry isn't all bad, but you can't seriously deny that it does use and exploit people. Generally, if you end up in porn, something went wrong in your life. And sure, there are other industries that do this, but few that do it to the extent that the porn industry does.

Anxst

Congratulations on your new job!

I've never really understood the negative image the porn industry gets, but then I'm in a polyamorous relationship, so I guess I'm more understanding of other people's sexual mores.

I think it's good that you told them. Maybe you should describe to them what your actual day at work is like so they understand it's just like most other jobs?

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Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

little_tippler

I don't see what the problem is. It's just a job. There's nothing wrong with porn. People like to watch it because it turns them on. What's so dirty and evil about it? Sex is a beautiful thing, not disgusting. People teaching that to their kids makes me mad. Then we all grow up with problems with our own sexuality, which is a totally natural thing.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

meembo

I don't condemn what you do for a job, but I think you have a child-like way of looking at your parents' beliefs and values. They have every right to feel that the porn industry is not a worthy aspiration for their child. That's not a "character flaw". That's a disagreement, and you would do well to recognize that their disagreement with your choices is one apparently based on principle, not a character flaw. If you respect them as you say you do, you need to take them as they are and trust that their life experiences are just as valid as yours. I assume you have no older children. One day, when you have a child that disappoints you with a choice he or she has made -- on that day, you can begin to appreciate what parents invest in children, in terms of values and hopes.

I understand that it's a drag to be caught in this, and that you wish there was no conflict with your parents' values, but most people I know attach a strong stigma to the porn industry, rightly or wrongly. I don't see anything particularly unexpected in your parents' response. I think you ought to be more circumspect about how important people in your lives (such as your parents) value you enough to be brutally honest with you about your choices. It sounds like you are thinking about what this means to your parents. They do not owe you approval. As parents, they owe you honesty and guiding principles, tools to navigate through life, and it seems to me that you get both of those things from them, though you clearly disagree with them.

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less I say, smarter I am

FatFreeGoodness

'porn is more addicting than crack'... I kind of doubt that.

“it was obvious this an issue theyve thought long and hard yet completely failed to understand.” I take it that by “failed to understand” you mean “don’t agree with me.” From their standpoint, they probably think you don't understand.

“to me, if someone feels ashamed to know me or interact with me based on what i do, i look at that as a flaw in their character not mine.” This is based on your opinion that what you do is not “wrong.” It’s not necessarily a character flaw to think that what you do is wrong, or to be ashamed of having a child doing wrong. However, understand that they are probably ashamed of what you do, not of you.

“to me, that kind of attitude is always a sign of someone who has had a very limited life experience.” I think you are mistaken here. For example, I know someone who is dead set against the use of alcohol based on a rather colorful and varied life experience. Their considered opinion is that either alcohol is either something pleasant that you can do without, or it is very harmful, depending on the person and circumstances. If it’s something you can do without, you should be willing to do so to help those whom it harms abstain. I don’t agree, but I don’t think it’s lack of experience or insight that causes them to hold this opinion.

“i have no problem with what i do”… And they do. This is the crux of the matter. I am not trying to convince you that porn is wrong. But they truly believe it is, and are upset that you are a participant. Think of something that you truly consider wrong (but that is legal), and imagine that someone you love was involved. That’s their position.