See...there were these pirates...
 

This actually happened a few months ago, but I never shared the story with the TFP. Enjoy...

I'm washing the siding of my house the other day, and I'm adjusting the ladder that reaches up to the second story. I get that "you should probably look skyward" feeling that you get just before something bad is about to happen. As I look up into the sky, I think "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's my one-gallon pump handle garden sprayer tumbling from the rooftop twenty feet above..." Apparently, balancing the sprayer on the edge of the gutter wasn't as stable as I had thought. Go figure... round object + slanted roof + gravity = potential concussion.

Because of the cat-like reflexes that I have honed over my 30 years, I was able to move my head slightly to the right while simultaneously screeching "Holy crap!" A lesser man would have only been able to accomplish one of those tasks. In my younger days, I'd be able to estimate the amount of force that the garden sprayer had as it impacted my left shoulder, but I have taken that part of my brain which used to store physics equations and filled it with more important things... like Simpsons quotes. I can tell you that it hit me with enough force to knock me to one knee. However, like any adult male, I quickly jumped back to my feet and brushed off my shoulder, in case anyone happen to be watching me clean the siding on the back of my house at two o'clock in the afternoon.

Of course, when I tell the story about the bruised shoulder to anyone else, it's going to involve saving a baby from a runaway Dodge Neon, or maybe getting an old lady's purse back from a band of rogue pirates. People always love stories about pirates...

so....what did the pirates do then?

<sits back to enjoy a rousing pirate tale>

He saved the purse of the old lady from them! pirates must be getting desperate in these times... it's a sad state of affairs i'm afraid.

you should have went jackie chan.. did a back flip kicked it back in the air used the ladder to support it as it lands back in the gutter.. ahh cartoon physics. anyways good to hear your ok.

ive actually had to dodge one of those giant paper rolls you see in paper mills. granted they weight about the same as a small elephant. somehow i dont think that would have been fun to have rolled over me.

Still funny as hell.... can't expect anything less from you Fhqwhgads :)

Be sure to add a sword fight of some kind. The folks go crazy over a good sword fight.

If you need a little help...

Basic pirate lingo

and for our shipmates cross the pond..

ooh, what this adventure needs is a quality soundtrack....

Additionally, how about a pirate that gets on to your roof by using a hook hand and a power line to slide over? (The zip line or whatever its called)

was the garden sprayer a ninja in disguise? I find wherever pirates exist, ninjas are nearby. Ninjas would have been cool.. Maybe not pirate cool, but that is only because of lack of rum.

ARRRRR its been a tough time for pirates. They probably wanted the old ladys AARP card for discounts on rum.