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Old 08-12-2004, 11:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Mr Mephisto's Musings - 13 August 2004

So here I am.<P>

After four years in <A HREF="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0603/mephisto/8c05db1f.jpg" target="_BLANK">Sydney</A>, <A HREF="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0603/mephisto/61619dac.jpg" target="_BLANK"><U>living it up</U></A> and generally making a <A HREF="http://www.tammyhocking.com/photos/nuisance.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>nuisance</U></A> of <A HREF="http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4032&n=3"target="_BLANK"><U>myself</U></A>, Mrs Mephisto and I finally moved back to her home town of Perth in <A HREF="http://www.westernaustralia.com/en/"target="_BLANK"><U>Western Australia</U></A>. She's always wanted to return here, to be closer to her family, to raise our own, to "settle down", so after an unfortunate medical <A HREF="http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/WolfFiles/wolffiles188.html" target="_BLANK"><U>emergency</U></A> we experienced at the beginning of the year (whilst touring <A HREF="http://www.kottke.org/plus/misc/kiwi_dogfood.html"target="_BLANK"><U>New Zealand</U></A>), I bowed to the inevitable pressure and acquiesced. After all, I want to have <A HREF="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0603/mephisto/a19c79bb.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>kids</U></A> myself one day and look forward to <A HREF="http://www.howtoons.net/"target="_BLANK"><U>spending time with them</U></A>. You also can't argue with her assertion that "<A HREF="http://www.drpervert.com/24.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>nursing</U></A> a child in a two bedroom apartment, in a strange city, <A HREF="http://www.allsexguide.com/guide_to_masturbation.htm"target="_BLANK">on my own</A>, while you're out working all day, is not my idea of <A HREF="http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php?theGame=rocketmania"target="_BLANK"><U>fun</U></A>."<P>

It took us three or four months to put our <A HREF="http://members.tripod.com/~mrpuzuzu/plan.html"target="_BLANK"><U>plans</U></A> in place and start our journey. To make things more stressful I had a lengthy business trip to take, to the US and Europe, so we had to pack everything up first, dispatch it across the continent and live out of suitcases for a week before heading overseas for 6 weeks. Mrs Mephisto decided to accompany me to Europe and we spent 4 lovely weeks back <A HREF="http://www.beautiful-ireland-photo.com/photographs.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>home</U></A> (MY <A HREF="http://www.toddadams.net/images/wallpaper/Ha'penny%20Bridge%20at%20night,%20Dublin,%20Ireland.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>home</U></A>) in <A HREF="http://www.euromonitor.com/article.asp?id=2044"target="_BLANK"><U>Ireland</U></A>, before returning to Sydney for a few days.<P>

Living on your <A HREF="http://b3ta.com/board/2344846"target="_BLANK"><U>ex-flatmate's</U></A> floor for a few days may sound exciting or even entirely reasonable when you're a <A HREF="http://eluid.org/news/save-a-virgin.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>student</U></A>, but to me it's not really all that <A HREF="http://www.eluid.org/news/olsen-twins-fake-nude.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>attractive</U></A> a proposition. However, as we had no <A HREF="http://www.azcentral.com/home/home2/articles/0624bestofcoolhomes.html"target="_BLANK"><U>accommodation</U></A> in Sydney any longer and I needed to spend some time at my office before "relocating" to Perth, we had no choice. Five days of living in squalor and then we were off!<P>

Let me tell those of you who have not experienced long-distance driving that the whole experience is very much over rated. Add to that the fact that you put yourself in grave danger of death or horrible injury by hitting unlikely animals such as <A HREF="http://www.buzzstuff.net/archives/kanga.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>kanagroos</U></A> (<A HREF="http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/"target="_BLANK"><U>silly</U></A> <A HREF="http://www.funnyclicks.com/picturesE/stop_staring.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>looking</U></A>), wombats (stupid <A HREF="http://www.tshirthell.com/images/contestpics/a51_003.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>looking</U></A>), bandikoots (<A HREF="http://website.lineone.net/~apesgrapes/"target="_BLANK"><U>scary</U></A> sounding) and camels (<A HREF="http://www.wtfpeople.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>WTF</U></A> are <A HREF="http://www.burningcamel.com/index.php?page=ladyCalc"target="_BLANK"><U>camels</U></A> doing in Australia?!!), not forgetting you must drive over the Nullabor Plain (perhaps the world's most <A HREF="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/1482034.stm"target="_BLANK"><U>boring</U></A> area of landscape) and you begin to understand why I had originally wanted to <A HREF="http://snaps.tjp.hu/i/580/snaps_flying_dog.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>fly</U></A>.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE>"Are you <A HREF="http://www.kirkbridebuildings.com/index.html"target="_BLANK"><U>crazy?!</U></A>" I asked.<BR>
"But we'll save money" she said.<BR>
"But as a consultant, I don't get paid for days I'm not working, so we'll lose several thousand bucks by just driving. And it will cost us <A HREF="http://j-walkblog.com/blog/docs/platform.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>hundreds</U></A> of dollars in <A HREF="http://www.big-boys.com/articles/gasfire.html"target="_BLANK"><U>petrol</U></A>." I countered. <BR>
"But it will be fun" she said.<BR>
"Being stuck in a 2M x 2M metal enclosure with you for five days straight, 12 hours a day, is not my idea of fun" I replied.<BR>
<A HREF="http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>Steely glare</U></A><BR>
"But it will be an experience" she said.<BR>
"Sticking needles in your eyes is an experience, but you don't see me rushing out to a <A HREF="http://www.inkubus.com/index_home.html"target="_BLANK"><U>haberdashery</U></A>" I proffered.<BR>
"But you can get a chance to actually DRIVE that <A HREF="http://img38.exs.cx/img38/5933/RMiniXXL01.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>bloody</U></A> <A HREF="http://img38.exs.cx/img38/3595/RMiniXXL02.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>big</U></A> <A HREF="http://img38.exs.cx/img38/9882/RMiniXXL03.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>car</U></A> you spent so much money on. On the <A HREF="http://www.earthsci.unimelb.edu.au/~awatkins/WWW/road.html"target="_BLANK"><U>open road</U></A>. With no <A HREF="http://medg.lcs.mit.edu/people/chris/taiwan-traffic.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>traffic</U></A> around." she said.<BR>
"When do we leave?" I said</BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, I have to admit the journey was not that <A HREF="http://snaps.tjp.hu/i/580/snaps_fat_bathing-suit_model.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>bad</U></A>. <A HREF="http://www.famie.com/australia/mostunusual_mostdangerous.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>Australia</U></A> is a <A HREF="http://www.terragalleria.com/pacific/australia/"target="_BLANK"><U>beautiful</U></A>, if sometimes a little <A HREF="http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/australia/"target="_BLANK"><U>dangerous</U></A> country. And driving a large 4litre, 330BHP, rear wheel drive, <A HREF="http://www.webwombat.com.au/motoring/news_reports/xrt_xr6t.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>XR6 Turbo</U></A> along straight roads is a pleasure every red-blooded <A HREF="http://homepage.ntlworld.com/djol/b3ta/mob.html"target="_BLANK"><U>man</U></A> should have at least once in his lifetime. But the trip did have its problems. On one leg we saw approximately 200 dead kangaroos in about 50km. This was a bit disheartening, not for any particular PETAesque reason, but simply because it reminded you that driving at dawn or dusk was dangerous. In the outback, as Australians quaintly call most of their continent (that part not within rambling distance of an unlikely beautiful beach, with equally <A HREF="http://www.wickedweasel.com/models/"target="_BLANK"><U>unlikely</U></A> beautiful <A HREF="http://www.vampbikinis.com/cgi-bin/bikini_sets.pl?"target="_BLANK"><U>girls</U></A> and boys lounging around) there is also another far more sinister and man-made danger. They call them <A HREF="http://members.tripod.com/kingsley-foreman/Towtruckphotos/id9.html"target="_BLANK"><U>road-trains</U></A>. <A HREF="http://www.cmca.net.au/motorhoming/road_train_info.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>Road-trains</U></A> are simply very large lorries, with two or more trailers attached, that hurtle along small <A HREF="http://kingsley-foreman.tripod.com//sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/roadtr32[1].jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>Australian roads</U></A> bearing cargoes of God knows what; probably cans of <A HREF="http://www.punchbaby.com/media/gitfakt/clips/ads/bounce.mpg"target="_BLANK"><U>beer</U></A>, surfboards and bottles of Vegemite. <P>

Road-trains are big and dangerous, evidenced by one spot where we found <A HREF="http://www.raceshop.org/wednesday/Babes/babe006.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>three</U></A> (not <A HREF="http://www.staremagazine.com/images/Photosets/1107/004/SM1107-004-04.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>one</U></A>, not <A HREF="http://www.czechbeauty.com/data/JL%20Pivonkova/#"target="_BLANK"><U>two</U></A>, but <A HREF="http://usemycomputer.com/indeximages/2003/October/pierce.triplets.yummy.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>three!</U></A>) dead <A HREF="http://www.cameltoe.org/"target="_BLANK"><U>camels</U></A> on the side of the road that had been hit at once. One can only imagine they dashed across the road only to find a 200 tonne truck, driven by an <A HREF="http://www.aic.gov.au/research/drugs/types/amphetamines.html"target="_BLANK"><U>amphetamine</U></A> crazed <A HREF="http://www.visit4info.com/sitecontent/QTL/ZZZZZZTVACL1024105603Q5L.mov"target="_BLANK"><U>Aussie</U></A> with a deadline to meet and a cavalier disregard for his own safety and that of all <A HREF="http://www.abum.com/?show_media=151"target="_BLANK"><U>fauna</U></A> and <A HREF="http://www.gardenguides.com/flowers/annuals/pansy.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>flora</U></A>, bearing down on them like some avenging beast of fire and steel from the mouths of <A HREF="http://ppoopp.host.sk/war/index.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>Hell</U></A> itself... <P>

Rather prosaic imagery perhaps, but the end result was three battered and bloated corpses (thankfully not human) on the roadside, and one large road-train that apparently delivered its load of lifesaving alcohol and BBQ parts on time.<P>

Also, at least a third of the journey is spent traversing the Nullabor Plain; interesting to small bird-like men who work in university geography departments, and are usually called Colin, it may well be, but it is not the most exciting place on <A HREF="http://www.yannarthusbertrand.com/yann2/affichage.php"target="_BLANK"><U>Earth</U></A> to me, an <A HREF="http://www.punchbaby.com/media/gitfakt/clips/ads/captain.wmv"target="_BLANK"><U>Irishman</U></A> who grew up in the Land of Saints and Scholars and is used to inordinate amounts of lush green landscape and buckets of rain and <A HREF="http://www.newscientist.com/hottopics/alcohol/alcohol.jsp?id=21656100"target="_BLANK"><U>Guinness</U></A>. We did get to stop at various points along the way however, to view <A HREF="http://www.whale-tail.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>whales</U></A> at the southern tip of the continent, to spend nights at <A HREF="http://www.lostdestinations.com/roads.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>strange</U></A> road houses, to meet with local <A HREF="http://library.trinity.wa.edu.au/aborigines/culture.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>Aborigines</U></A> who invariably challenged and resoundingly beat me at games of pool. At one such road house, we discussed the pros and cons of driving at night, as we wanted to shorten our journey by this stage. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE>"So, is it very common to hit '<A HREF="http://www.cwu.edu/~rhickey/photos2.html"target="_BLANK"><U>roos</U></A> on the roads?" Mrs Mephisto asked.<BR>
"Nah," the wise old elder replied, surrounded by his extended family who all nodded and smiled, "only at night Missus."<BR>
"Oh" I replied.<BR>
"But ye gotta watch out for dem sheeps. They're de worst. Me and me sista hit five of dem last night. Buggered her new car."<BR>
His sister nodded mutely.<BR>
"Five?! Really? What did you do?" I asked rather alarmed.<BR>
"Afta last 'un, pulled over, lit a fire and eat 'im" he replied, smiling broadly.<BR>
"Good eating in them <A HREF="http://www.australianbeers.com/culture/jumbuck.htm" target="_BLANK"><U>jumbucks</U></A>" his brother added. "I'd just had a feed earlier, but ye can't beat <A HREF="http://losangeles.craigslist.org/tfr/38321400.html"target="_BLANK"><U>fresh</U></A> <A HREF="http://www.nakedaprons.com/gr21755.html"target="_BLANK"><U>lamb</U></A>..."</BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, we obviously made it here in <A HREF="http://sexy-clothing.fateback.com/sexy_swimsuits.html"target="_BLANK"><U>one piece</U></A>. Elvis (the big red "grunt car" as my brother-in-law calls it) and both Mrs Mephisto and I are all fighting fit. 1,000KM on the first day, 1,200KM on the second day and a rather impressive 1,800KM on the third day. We at last pulled into the driveway of my in-laws and we've been here ever since.<P>

Now, I know what you're <A HREF="http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/gswithenbank/unuwords.htm"target="_BLANK"><U>thinking</U></A>. Living with your <A HREF="http://jackshian.blogspot.com/2004/08/meet-parents.html"target="_BLANK"><U>In-Laws</U></A> is like some kind of comedy. And, to be perfectly honest, it is. But we needed some temporary accommodation and you can't argue with rent-free boarding. We've recently bought a block of land, that faces directly onto Perth's Swan River and shall begin building our own dream-home (read as, Mrs Mephisto's <A HREF="http://www.irelandseye.com/IRELAND/irish/castles/emeralds/"target="_BLANK"><U>Dream Home</U></A>; I'll be <A HREF="http://www.wimpie.net/images/lucky.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>lucky</U></A> to get a small study to play in) very soon. <A HREF="http://www.penthouseplaymates.com.au/home.html"target="_BLANK"><U>Perth</U></A> is certainly different from Sydney. Laid back, parochial, friendly (like all <A HREF="http://www.connecticut-business.com/funstuff/images/Hahn.mpg"target="_BLANK"><U>Australia</U></A>, but more so) and rather small at only just over 1,000,000 people. Much to my <A HREF="http://movies.flabber.nl/automatische.deur/"target="_BLANK"><U>surprise</U></A> and relief, I found an old Dublin friend who also settled here recently and I now have an <A HREF="http://mediax.muchosucko.com/movies/oreillys.mov"target="_BLANK"><U>Irish</U></A> drinking buddy (is there any other kind?!). Mrs Mephisto recently got herself an <A HREF="http://www.howstuffworks.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>excellent</U></A> job and I continue to <A HREF="http://www.slaveregister.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>slave</U></A> away at my own <A HREF="http://www.southerntwilight.com/blog/archives/fudge-packer.jpg"target="_BLANK"><U>career</U></A>. <A HREF="http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/space/life/index.shtml"target="_BLANK"><U>Life</U></A> is <A HREF="http://www.paperplane.org/"target="_BLANK"><U>good</U></A>.<P>

Are there any disadvantages? A few, such as having to get up very early every morning around 3am for conference calls. But I do get to work from home as much as I <A HREF="http://www.beastieboys.com/video.php"target="_BLANK"><U>like</U></A>, which is nice. <A HREF="http://www.perthtouristcentre.com.au/"target="_BLANK"><U>Perth</U></A> is also rather spread out and public transport is not that flash. This means either staying in the city with friends when you go out <A HREF="http://snaps.tjp.hu/i/580/snaps_must-have_been-a_great_party.jpg"target="_BLANK"> `</A>, or drawing lots to designate a driver. Small prices to pay for Mrs Mephisto's happiness and a <A HREF="http://www.wellcoolstuff.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=1&Product_Code=DMTLBITTS"target="_BLANK"><U>good</U></A> lifestyle in which to raise a <A HREF="http://www.fffbi.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>family</U></A>.<P>

Next time, <A HREF="http://www.everything2.com/"target="_BLANK"><U>everything</U></A> you ever wanted to know about the joys of dealing with banks, crazy Australian <A HREF="http://surf.to/gaynazisexads"target="_BLANK"><U>Nazis</U></A>, strange odours and <A HREF="http://community.middlebury.edu/~mobrien/covers/"target="_BLANK"><U>old style</U></A> coolness...<P>

Mr Mephisto<P>
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Old 08-13-2004, 12:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
Rawr!
 
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Location: Edmontania
This obviously took a lot of time and effort to put together, so i'll try to reply in a manner that will do this post justice, Mr Mephisto.
...







hmmmm. Interesting.
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Old 08-13-2004, 12:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
LOL

I was bored. I was going to simply post some links in the format I do on the Links Board, but decided to make a story out of it instead.

Mr Mephisto
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Old 08-13-2004, 02:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
It's all downhill from here
 
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Location: Denver
Man, that's pretty awesome. It's not a one-sitting read, but definitely good stuff. I like to see thigs like this. Very well put together.
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Old 08-14-2004, 11:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
disconnected
 
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Location: ignoreland
Mr Mephisto... you are awesome.

It just keeps going and going. I think I'll come back to this tomorrow, it is way to late for me to even be awake right now.
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Old 08-16-2004, 07:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Scenic Drive
Great one Mr. M...It makes me to see someone put that kind of effort in to entertaining the troops. Good story too!
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Old 08-16-2004, 11:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: North Carolina
What a great story made better by the links. I can't wait for the next installment.
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Old 08-16-2004, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
Little known...
 
Kostya's Avatar
 
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Mephisto
So here I am.<P>
Rather prosaic imagery perhaps, but the end result was three battered and bloated corpses (thankfully not human) on the roadside, and one large road-train that apparently delivered its load of lifesaving alcohol and BBQ parts on time.

Mate, if it weren't for all the camels those roadtrains kill, we wouldn't have any BBQ parts I tell you...

Oops, accidently gave away Australia's terrible secret...

Well we may be colonial roadkill eating scum, but we still get the hollow victory of beating you all in swimming at the 'lympics.
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Old 08-16-2004, 05:51 PM   #9 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kostya
Well we may be colonial roadkill eating scum, but we still get the hollow victory of beating you all in swimming at the 'lympics.
The only problem, Kostya, is that I'm Irish and not American.

But you already knew that, eh? :-)


Mr Mephisto

PS - Good one Thorpedo!!
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Old 08-16-2004, 08:24 PM   #10 (permalink)
So Hip it Hurts
 
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Location: Up here in my tree
[golf clap] well done chap [/golf clap]

good read. sorta reminded me of another site I used to peruse. Haven't been there for years though so tread with caution.
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Old 08-16-2004, 10:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Well, I'm a bit surprised to be compared with Stile!

Whilst not all my links could be considered SFW, I tried to stay clear of hardcore pornography and blatant revenue generation...

:-)

Mr Mephisto
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Old 08-17-2004, 08:03 AM   #12 (permalink)
So Hip it Hurts
 
sherpahigh's Avatar
 
Location: Up here in my tree
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Mephisto
Well, I'm a bit surprised to be compared with Stile!

Whilst not all my links could be considered SFW, I tried to stay clear of hardcore pornography and blatant revenue generation...

:-)

Mr Mephisto
heh heh... I didn't really mean to sugest that your content was anything quite like Stile's. Like I said, I havent' been there for a long time so I'm not up to date with what kind of content he's got going on anymore. I'm sure it's even worse than it was when I last saw it.

Just the style of a story interlaced with links reminded me of that site.

Anyway, good read. I enjoyed it.
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Old 08-17-2004, 10:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Damn Mephisto, I can't believe you drove across Australia. It's had enought to drive across the US, and they have good interstates taht run through the country, and U drove through Australia!!!!!!

That takes more than just balls!
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Old 08-18-2004, 05:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
Little known...
 
Kostya's Avatar
 
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Mephisto
The only problem, Kostya, is that I'm Irish and not American.

But you already knew that, eh? :-)


Mr Mephisto

PS - Good one Thorpedo!!
Why else would I put in that Colonial crack eh?

Then again, can't expect the Irish to be good at swimming, as that doesn't have anything to do with drinking...
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