Menoman

I have a question about rape. In no way in this thread am I saying that its not a vile crime. It disgusts me. After getting that outta the way. The question....

I have heard before about the trauma that females go through for years after they are a victim of a rape, Many times I heard that they are never the same person after they have been raped.

What is it, about rape, that can change a person so profoundly? Nothing physical is taken, many times theres no personal injury that won't completely heal. I don't understand.



PS: I really hope that everyone understand that this question is completely based on my not understanding. Not in anyway trying to lessen the severity of the crime.

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fhqwhgads

First off, I'm a man, so I don't claim to have the answer.

That being said, I've spent time with many rape victims, and here's how I see it. It's such a violation of your person... it's like the feeling that you have when someone breaks into your house, but a million times worse because YOU are the house. You don't feel safe anymore, you don't feel that you can trust anymore...

Sometimes there is a personal injury that will never quite heal. However, give me a physicall injury over an emotional injury any day. Physical injuries heal, while emotional injuries stay with you for a long time.

Nisses

It's like fhqwhgads says, you are not in control of your own body there, somebody is making you experience this against your will.
And afterwards, there is always the fear of a lesser known person that you interact with, that he could potentially make you experience the same thing, so trust becomes an issue too...

It's almost purely an mental problem, so yes, I would say there actually *is* a personal injury that takes a long time to heal, it just doesn't show up on the skin of the victim in most cases.

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Latch

I'd say these people have it right.. it's breaking an emotional security that no one ever expects to lose... so much so that most don't think it's there. At least, that's my interpretation of it. I'm also a guy.

Blackthorn

I have two family members who are rape victims. I am very close to one of them. Being male I don't profess to have the female answer to how deeply this affects a woman. I can assure you that it is way more than physical trauma. It is also something that I believe has affected her (my close family member) in more ways throughout the rest of her life than you might ordinarily recognize. Many of her life choices including alcohol abuse (not alcoholism but rather just an abuser, her relationships with other men, flash backs, and other emotional issues have all been directly affected by this.

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sexymama

As a woman (but never a rape victim, thankfully) I would add to the above that there is also a sense of feeling "dirty." Although intellectually we know the crime is not our fault, the way society, spouses, partners, etc. react, can bring about a sense of shame. She may question herself: what did I wear that brought this on? What did I say? How come I didn't run? Why didn't I kick him at this point? Playing the crime over and over again in her mind, finding fault with how she responded.

I believe we can help by emphasizing that we know the crime is not theirs. Remember that they are the victims. By loving them -- and when they are ready, literally making love -- with no shaming, questioning, and/or judging.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

maleficent

The comment that nothing physcial is taken is a complete fallicy.


What's taken?
The right to say NO
The right to feel safe and secure
Your own judgement in trusting another person, it's difficult to get beyond it and trust someone else again.
It's a feeling of violation - both by the rapist and then by the law - when you have to explain what happened, how you truly did say no, then you are asked what you were wearing, and how much you had to drink.

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Memnoch

In addition, it should be noted that girls who are raped at a young age often do have irepparable damage to the tissue in their vaginal tract, and sometimes are rendered sterile because of the assault.

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Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Cynthetiq

even people who've had their apartment robbed and nothing taken. It's a feeling you don't like. It's a feeling of violation of your personal safety.

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raeanna74

Partly - Rape is a matter of control. The rapist is exerting control over the victim. That loss of control instills great fear. Many times they will have Post-traumatic-stress disorder where a similar situation can trigger the scene to flash through their conscious. They relive the nightmare again and again until they can regain that level of control that was lost. Sometimes they never can.

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feelgood

Just out of the curiousity, why just female? How is it any different for males? Us males may have better ability to face emotional damages but there are still some of us whom do not posses this "ability"

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Cynthetiq

on The Shield

Spoiler: The captain is forced to suck off some guy like a jail bitch. Afterwards he cannot concentrate at work, etc. Parallel to that is a "rapist" that cuddles his victims afterwards. He revealed the secret to his brother, and reluctantly to his wife. His wife was like,"Why didn't you fight?" he said "I had a gun pointed to my head and I just wanted to live."

If I was forced into some position like that, I'd probably have the same issue. I'd want it to be over as quickly as possible...

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

nash

Hey, I was thinking about that Shield episode, too. Also, don't forget that guys can get raped as well. Imagine yourself getting raped (by another guy), don't you think that would be a traumatizing experience? I certainly do. I probably wouldn't ever tell anyone if I didn't have to. I would probably be cautions to ever go out alone again. And I would certainly always have the memory of it happening. Who knows what could trigger that memory. Maybe just seeing someone who resembled the rapist would trigger a flashback. What a horrible way to live -- knowing that you've been violated and that the memory of it will stay with you forever.

Menoman

Good point, I should have brought up guys being raped also.

Although personally, I'm 20 years old, I've little knowledge of any males being raped though I'm sure it happens, but not as often as females.

The points brought up help me understand more about how deep the feeling of violation can really go and I don't think I'll ever understand it unless, against all hope, I am put into the situation.

This thread did do one thing for me I didnt think was possible. I hate rapists even more than I thought I ever could.

I'm also sure that the more I learn about the innocent victims trauma the more I'll grow more hatred for the type of person who could do something like that.

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kurty[B]

Well, I had a relationship with this girl, and one night we were getting intimate, and right before I was getting ready to insert she begins crying. Talk about a moment killer. I went limp, and asked what was wrong, and spent the night cuddling with her as she explained her experience a few years prior of being raped. That was years prior! And it still caused her to be inable to have a decent sexual relationship. I don't know exactly what went through her mind, but I already did not like rapists, and at that point I wanted to find the guy and pummel him till he couldn't move anymore, then let her cut his shit off, or do what she would want to him. It's an awful thing! An invasion of a beings most sacred possession, their own body!!

stingc

Yes, but I'd think that I'd get over it. I'd probably be more angry rather than depressed.

In another thread here, somebody made a comment about how rape was worse than murder. If I were given a choice, I'd rather be raped.

But I really have no idea what I'm talking about. I think its one of the things that you can't understand unless you've lived through it.