07-06-2003, 12:49 PM | #1 (permalink) |
pow!
Location: NorCal
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shut the fuck up
A lot of people ask me, "clavus,should I shut the fuck up?" To clear up
any confusion, and avoid hurt feelings, I created this handy list of people who should, without delay, shut the fuck up. Feel free to print this list and save it for future reference. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you are an executive who makes over $1,000,000 per year, and you want the tax-payers to bail out your poorly-run company, shut the fuck up. You are clearly missing at least one obvious place to cut expenses. If you are “allegedly the voice of” any deposed third-world terrorist shithead, shut the fuck up. If you profess to be against irradiated food, and you own a microwave oven, shut the fuck up. If you think there is a good reason for Daylight Savings Time, shut the fuck up. If you drive a car that gets less than 20 miles per gallon, and you complain about gasoline prices, shut the fuck up. If you feel that yelling at me is the best way to get me to change my mind and sign your stupid petition, shut the fuck up. If you are Mike Tyson, shut the fuck up. If you promote “family values” and have a divorce, illegitimate kids, or a fondness for underage prostitutes, shut the fuck up. If you think Creed rocks, shut the fuck up. If you feel the urge to discuss the British Royal Family, shut the fuck up. If you think that I’m a Democrat just because I don’t like George W. Bush, shut the fuck up. If you are “glad that Iraq started a guerrilla war,” shut the fuck up and apologize to the friends and family of every single person who died in that festering ass-zit of a country since the war “ended.” If I can hear you talk at the movies, shut the fuck up. If you think I care about baseball, shut the fuck up. If you feel the urge to legislate what people do with their genitals, shut the fuck up. If you complain about the government, but don’t vote, shut the fuck up. If you are an American who wears Doc Martens while protesting “globalization”, shut the fuck up. If you are against genetically modified crops, and haven’t passed at least one year of college-level bio-science, shut the fuck up. If you begin a sentence with, “Long time listener, first time caller,” shut the fuck up
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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. |
07-06-2003, 12:57 PM | #2 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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Bravo....
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
07-06-2003, 01:39 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Go Packers! (*sigh!*)
Location: The Lovely Emerald City
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Hey clavus- "long time reader, first time poster"
Seriously, great post! I'm going to print it and post at the shop! Thanks.
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Pas le cri, le coeur de Minx! .... Where can I stare now?.........I did!!!What about You? |
07-06-2003, 02:08 PM | #6 (permalink) | |
Banned
Location: Canada
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Re: shut the fuck up
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07-06-2003, 02:17 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Junkie
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This is my favorite.
"If you profess to be against irradiated food, and you own a microwave oven, shut the fuck up." If you can not pass 6th grade science, you are not qualified to have opinions about scientific issues. You CAN have opinions. You just aren't qualified to have them; so keep them to yourself.
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I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It's a common failing. Robert A Heinlein in "They Do It With Mirrors" |
07-06-2003, 02:21 PM | #8 (permalink) | ||
Crazy
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Re: Re: shut the fuck up
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seems he covered all bases there, I would assume 'every single person' means just that. |
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07-06-2003, 04:03 PM | #12 (permalink) |
comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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this thread makes more sense than any i've seen lately...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
07-06-2003, 04:17 PM | #13 (permalink) | |
Crazy
Location: Location: Location:
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Re: shut the fuck up
Excellent list! I cant say that I disagree with any item.
Quote:
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. -Groucho Marx |
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07-06-2003, 05:36 PM | #14 (permalink) | |
The Northern Ward
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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Re: Re: Re: shut the fuck up
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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy |
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07-06-2003, 06:08 PM | #16 (permalink) | |
Fruit on the Bottom Hope on Top
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Re: shut the fuck up
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the clue is in the title Daylight Savings Time /me shuts the fuck up |
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07-06-2003, 06:26 PM | #17 (permalink) |
Junkie
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That was great.
A few more of my own: If every one of your discussions about politics ends with name calling, shut the fuck up. If you feel the need to stop me on my way into class to tell me about your latest governmental conspiracy theory and I've never seen you before, shut the fuck up. If you are riding in my car and have nearly had your license suspended multiple times but still feel the need to comment on my driving, shut the fuck up.
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"Fuck these chains No goddamn slave I will be different" ~ Machine Head |
07-06-2003, 07:53 PM | #19 (permalink) | |
pow!
Location: NorCal
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Re: shut the fuck up
Quote:
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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. Last edited by clavus; 07-06-2003 at 07:56 PM.. |
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07-06-2003, 09:38 PM | #22 (permalink) |
Condition: Stable and Improving
Location: Finger on the little red button.
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I'll add one...
If the thought has never entered crossed your mind, that there isn't anything you don't know or have a valid yet uneducated opinion on... shut the fuck up. (sigh) moral relativists, they make me want to breathe smoke and spit fire.
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Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. Frederich Nietzsche |
07-07-2003, 07:12 AM | #30 (permalink) | |
pinche vato
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
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Re: Re: shut the fuck up
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Living is easy with eyes closed. |
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07-07-2003, 08:25 AM | #31 (permalink) | |
pow!
Location: NorCal
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Quote:
Quite right! How could I forget that one? Here's another to add to the list - If you think Jesus wrote the Bible in Olde English, STFU.
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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. |
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07-07-2003, 08:37 AM | #32 (permalink) |
Loser
Location: With Jadzia
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Great stuff Clavus.
As usual you have done a fine, smart and funny contribution to TFP. I always look forward to your posts. My only contribution to the rant is: If you have never had to survive on Adult Public Assistance or food stamps and seem to feel the urge to tell people how comfy life is for people who have to...shut the fuck up. |
07-07-2003, 07:22 PM | #34 (permalink) | |
Crazy
Location: right behind you...
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Quote:
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU my contribution shall just simply be: You may relate, you may have the right to emphasize and give advice about an issue but if you've not experienced it first hand i say get a nice hot cup of STFU. |
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07-07-2003, 10:32 PM | #37 (permalink) |
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
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"If every one of your discussions about politics ends with name calling, shut the fuck up."
change "every one" to "any" and this idea is perfect. my addition: If you feel the need to denigrate all college educated people as being "book smart - street stupid" fools, then to you I suggest an intensive study of the Manual of How to Shut the Fuck up. If you can even read, that is. greytone - thanks for the new addition to my sig quotes.
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He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin... |
07-09-2003, 10:15 PM | #38 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: New York, NY American Gardens Building, Apt. 10I
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If you did not pay for your car or put no real effort into attaining it, and you say that someone else who payed for their car's is shitty... shut the fuck up.
If you are canadian... shut the fuck up. If you say that it is someone else's fault that you are fat, and they did not surgically inject you with lard... shut the fuck up.
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Another martini, Paul? Last edited by PatrickBateman; 07-09-2003 at 11:17 PM.. |
07-10-2003, 03:52 PM | #40 (permalink) |
Junkie
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If you are an ignorant fuck, shut the fuck up.
If you have poor grammar, please, for the love of god, don't post. In fact, don't write in any publically-available medium. Oh and, shut the fuck up! If you have a heavy accent, stop speaking your fucking native language for a few years until it clears up if you ever expect to get any respect... or shut the fuck up!
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The most important thing in this world is love. |
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fuck, shut |
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