Don't know her, but I like her - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Tully Mars · 04-06-2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Tanya Gold, The Guardian, Monday 6 April 2009

I have a small but significant confession to make. I will never stay in a luxury hotel again. It's been crawling up on me, this disgust with the world of self-flushing toilets, floors so shiny you can squeeze your spots in them, and tall, thin people wearing Ralph Lauren. (The clothes, not the person).

I am middle-class, and I was born in suburbia, so it was natural that I would embrace the deluxe lifestyle, as soon as I got credit. It's the inadequacy. I was too fat for fashion, so I used to wear Claridge's instead. I used to sit in the bar, sipping a Diet Coke, wondering if I would ever make it into Tatler. But so slowly that nausea set in.

Expensive hotels are designed for rich people to feel loved. You pay, and they wrap you in a bathrobe that says, "You are not a psychopath, and we care about you." But actually, if you look deeper, if you open your eyes from your soporific, luxurious slumber, you will realise that the people who are waiting on you hate your guts. With good reason.

The staff of these hotels are usually educated people from poor countries who spend all day waiting on people who are much stupider - and nastier - than them. As a result, they - entirely naturally - become bitter and are turned into status police. Their job is to assess if you belong there or not.

Aged 25, I sat down to dinner in a five-star hotel on Park Lane. The bread waiter came over. That was his title. Bread waiter. I asked for two rolls but he only threw one down. Then he went to the other side of the room, and stared at me, and when I had finished the roll, he came and threw another one in my face. This was hate with rolls. This was annihilation. Then the wine waiter came. "Did you enjoy your bread, madam?" he asked. They had actually discussed it.

This hate has followed me around the luxury hotels of Europe. In Paris, I asked for a skirt to be ironed. (The hotel was too posh to have ironing boards in cupboards. I had no choice. I was only following orders.) The maid came to return it. I answered the door in my bathrobe. She guessed I was in flagrante delicto - I looked purple and slightly angry - and she said, "Enjoy yourself, madam." She didn't mean it. She meant, "Kill yourself, madam." And then I realised. These people hate us. It was not a luxury hotel in Paris. It was more like North Korea. My stupid lover was spending €700 a night so we could stay in North Korea and be hated by maids with ironing boards.

Claridge's actually hires people to stand at the entrance and stare at you. It is a bit like the Mexican border. Go and out stare at them, and call it sport. If your clothes are cheap, and your expression is desperate, they are emboldened and they snarl. "Don't come in here," their eyes speak. "Get out, loser. We can smell that you are from Wimbledon. You stink of cheap Chinese takeaway and despair." If you are wearing Ralph Lauren and tax evade for fun, however, they bow until their noses touch the floor.

I just came back from a week in Dubai. Dubai is an enormous, glossy, heartless reinterpretation of Little Chef and it broke me. I stayed in a palace that felt like a live-action copy of Elle magazine. The man who carried my bags had a law degree. The beautiful waitresses had changed their given names to stripper names - Candy, Sandy, Mandy - because they were pronouncable by rich idiots. When two Filipino men came to clean my bath, I was ashamed. When they bowed I wanted to slap myself in the face.

And I remembered that the happiest I have been on holidays in recent years is when I stayed in a five-quid-a-night hostel in Jerusalem with a big hole in the wall covered by a rug. Because I actually went out and I saw Jerusalem. When you stay in a luxury hotel, the luxury is the destination. You are essentially visiting a bathroom. You don't see anything except the luxury. And the luxury is the same wherever you go. In this, five-star hotels are like McDonald's - everywhere the product is identical.

People don't go to deluxe hotels because they want to see the world. They go to them because they don't want to see the world. All they see are the smiling faces of their slaves and things that sort of resemble the pictures they drooled over in It's All Yours magazine. And they get a self-flushing toilet. (You don't even have to look at your own waste. You don't even have to look at your own soul.) Luxury holidays are not only morally indefensible and psychologically sick, they are boring. It isn't travel. It's narcissism with towels - and I think I have finally outgrown it.

• In my ongoing quest to find a magical cure for obesity, I have recently embarked on the Chew Diet. The Chew Diet was invented by a genius called Horace Fletcher - nickname "the great masticator" - and he decided that if you chew your food until it is liquid, you will get so bored of eating that you will hurl your plate at the wall. So the Chew Diet fulfils the most important criteria of stupid diets - it must disgust people when you tell them about it. It was very popular in the 19th century. Franz Kafka and Henry James both chewed. Then they wrote novellas.

Normally I am a gobbler. I eat like an Eastern European dog circa 1942. But when I chew, slowly, gently, delicately, like a mad sex-starved virgin, my stomach has time to send a message to my brain that I am full. Full up. Stop. Close mouth. Stop. Belch. Stop. Ah. Poor stomach. Poor brain. It is a reunion of two long-lost friends. Next week: the Jesus Diet, where you can only eat food that Jesus might have munched. Goodbye Horace Fletcher, hello Messiah.

I never read this young lady's stuff before, never heard of her before. But I like what she's saying here.

Anyone else read her?

Craven Morehead · 04-06-2009, 07:01 PM

I'll take all the luxury hotels I can get.

But that's just me.

Willravel · 04-06-2009, 07:17 PM

She's written several decent pieces. Tanya Gold | guardian.co.uk

Vincentt · 04-06-2009, 08:58 PM

I never have these kinds of problems; I think it is because everyone loves me. I am really charming.

ItWasMe · 04-06-2009, 11:04 PM

I haven't read her work before.

We travel little, but enjoy luxury hotels when we do manage to get out. I can't remember encountering the rude, hateful people that she describes at the places we have stayed. Perhaps she is part of her problem? Or maybe I'm not reading people correctly.

GenuineGirly is going to laugh at me here ... maybe it's partly because I'm likely to leave a bag M&M's or a couple of miniature Hershey's along with the tip "to sweeten their day." Along with a nice, short note (to housekeeping).

little_tippler · 04-07-2009, 03:23 AM

I like it, but she's exaggerating it so it reads better. It certainly is an interesting read.

I like to travel, and actually see the reality of a place. But when I get to night time, I want to sleep in a clean, comfy bed and not have to use a toilet that looks like it hasn't been cleaned for a century. Nothing wrong with that.

Also, sometimes it's true - we don't want to see anything, we just want to be somewhere beautiful and relax.

Edit: I like the piece where she turns off her mobile and computer for a week

MSD · 04-07-2009, 04:50 AM

Luxury hotels are like North Korea? I don't recall having to eat my fellow guests out of desperation. I can't afford high class, but I'd rather shell out a bit of extra money for a place that doesn't have pubes in the hot tub when I get there.

ametc · 04-07-2009, 12:18 PM

I don't care what strangers think about me so if the skinny snobs don't think I fit in.. too bad. I'm still going to stay in my uber luxurious room. muahaha If only I could afford it. :P

Amano · 04-08-2009, 05:18 AM

I would agree with what she's saying. The primary exception would probably be Las Vegas, where the destination *is* the hotel/casinos. I suppose you could still go to an off-the-strip cheap hotel and visit the nice ones, but then I suppose you're missing out on what's in the room.

ring · 04-08-2009, 06:15 AM

The last time I stayed in a medium priced motel,
the urge to help the 'maid', change the king sized bedding,
was strong. It would have been so much easier to get it done, with the both
of us wrastling those huge sheets and blankets.

I wish I had.

I spoke to her in what very little Spanish I know, while she was working,
then handed her five dollars.
She blessed me and gave me hug.

Her name is Maria, and she does not hate me.

Cynthetiq · 04-08-2009, 06:29 AM

I don't know what air she has about her, but I've stayed at many luxury hotels around the world and not once ever experienced what she is writing about. Now, granted I've not ever stayed someplace €700 a night because that's just retarded. I don't care how much money you have, that's just plain stupid if not wastefully extravagant.

I've not ever read what she's written, but I'll tell you that you'll get this kind of service from 5 star to no star, from just about any kind of staff, especially if you approach them as sideways as she appears to me. Hospitality business takes go to great lengths to ensure such things are minimal.

genuinegirly · 04-08-2009, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItWasMe

I haven't read her work before.

We travel little, but enjoy luxury hotels when we do manage to get out. I can't remember encountering the rude, hateful people that she describes at the places we have stayed. Perhaps she is part of her problem? Or maybe I'm not reading people correctly.

GenuineGirly is going to laugh at me here ... maybe it's partly because I'm likely to leave a bag M&M's or a couple of miniature Hershey's along with the tip "to sweeten their day." Along with a nice, short note (to housekeeping).

Hehe. This trick is great.

I've never been interested in staying at a luxury hotel while traveling. At least, not as nice as those she describes. Where is it too fancy for ironing boards? Geesh.

I've never run into rude, bitter people in the service industry either. Her writing style leads me to believe that she herself is judgemental, so she assumes everyone else is judging her as well. Not the kind of writing that I would read for entertainment.

snowy · 04-08-2009, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genuinegirly

I've never been interested in staying at a luxury hotel while traveling. At least, not as nice as those she describes. Where is it too fancy for ironing boards? Geesh.

I've definitely stayed in places too fancy for ironing boards, but I've never run in to the kind of treatment she's talking about. Perhaps it's because my mother is a very salt-of-the-earth person; she just exudes friendliness and warmth around strangers, and they're very attracted to it. She can get the life story out of anyone within five minutes of meeting them. As such, I was always raised to be nice and polite to everyone, including service personnel in fancy-schmancy hotels. If you start getting a complex that "Dammit, I'm paying x dollars, they should be nice to me!" you're forgetting that guess what, they're people too and no amount of money says they have to be nice to you. Polite, certainly, but not necessarily nice. Simple things like "please", "thank you", and a smile go a long way.

highthief · 04-08-2009, 07:49 AM

She's a hack who is being sensationalistic in order to get her piece published and read. I'd wager the hotel staff she seems to have a problem with are far more genuine than her.

Charlatan · 04-08-2009, 04:50 PM

This reads like white liberal guilt re-tread for the crumbling global economy.

Savinkov · 04-12-2009, 03:15 PM

I've never experienced the least microscopic trace of pointed disapproval or mockery from any service staff at any hotel I have stayed at. Indeed, I'm relieved to be sufficiently plebian in my income and breeding that stays at such resorts are out of the question for me. If I want to snicker at fatuous patricians and the disconnect between their bank balance and their sense of good taste, all I need to do is listen to my clients at work. No overnight stays needed.

Tully Mars · 04-12-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Savinkov

I've never experienced the least microscopic trace of pointed disapproval or mockery from any service staff at any hotel I have stayed at. Indeed, I'm relieved to be sufficiently plebian in my income and breeding that stays at such resorts are out of the question for me. If I want to snicker at fatuous patricians and the disconnect between their bank balance and their sense of good taste, all I need to do is listen to my clients at work. No overnight stays needed.

I have, esp. since picking up some Spanish.

biznatch · 04-14-2009, 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tully Mars

I have, esp. since picking up some Spanish.

Going to Mexico, or, hell, the Bronx, while looking like the whitest motherfucker around, and speaking fluent spanish, that's a fun time. In Mexico, you can surprise them when they try and sell you something that's about 3x the normal price.

Tully Mars · 04-14-2009, 06:34 AM

Oh crap! I look like the whitest motherfucker around? Damn where'd I put that Wonder Bread and mayo?

04-06-2009, 08:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	I never have these kinds of problems; I think it is because everyone loves me. I am really charming. __________________ .

04-06-2009, 11:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	I haven't read her work before. We travel little, but enjoy luxury hotels when we do manage to get out. I can't remember encountering the rude, hateful people that she describes at the places we have stayed. Perhaps she is part of her problem? Or maybe I'm not reading people correctly. GenuineGirly is going to laugh at me here ... maybe it's partly because I'm likely to leave a bag M&M's or a couple of miniature Hershey's along with the tip "to sweeten their day." Along with a nice, short note (to housekeeping). __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

04-07-2009, 03:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	I like it, but she's exaggerating it so it reads better. It certainly is an interesting read. I like to travel, and actually see the reality of a place. But when I get to night time, I want to sleep in a clean, comfy bed and not have to use a toilet that looks like it hasn't been cleaned for a century. Nothing wrong with that. Also, sometimes it's true - we don't want to see anything, we just want to be somewhere beautiful and relax. Edit: I like the piece where she turns off her mobile and computer for a week __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 Last edited by little_tippler; 04-07-2009 at 03:25 AM..

04-08-2009, 06:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	The last time I stayed in a medium priced motel, the urge to help the 'maid', change the king sized bedding, was strong. It would have been so much easier to get it done, with the both of us wrastling those huge sheets and blankets. I wish I had. I spoke to her in what very little Spanish I know, while she was working, then handed her five dollars. She blessed me and gave me hug. Her name is Maria, and she does not hate me. Last edited by ring; 04-08-2009 at 06:24 AM.. Reason: grammatical atrocity fix

04-08-2009, 06:29 AM	#11 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	I don't know what air she has about her, but I've stayed at many luxury hotels around the world and not once ever experienced what she is writing about. Now, granted I've not ever stayed someplace €700 a night because that's just retarded. I don't care how much money you have, that's just plain stupid if not wastefully extravagant. I've not ever read what she's written, but I'll tell you that you'll get this kind of service from 5 star to no star, from just about any kind of staff, especially if you approach them as sideways as she appears to me. Hospitality business takes go to great lengths to ensure such things are minimal. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

04-06-2009, 07:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	I'll take all the luxury hotels I can get. But that's just me.

04-06-2009, 07:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	She's written several decent pieces. Tanya Gold \| guardian.co.uk

04-07-2009, 04:50 AM	#7 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Luxury hotels are like North Korea? I don't recall having to eat my fellow guests out of desperation. I can't afford high class, but I'd rather shell out a bit of extra money for a place that doesn't have pubes in the hot tub when I get there.

04-07-2009, 12:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	I don't care what strangers think about me so if the skinny snobs don't think I fit in.. too bad. I'm still going to stay in my uber luxurious room. muahaha If only I could afford it. :P

04-08-2009, 05:18 AM	#9 (permalink)
Amano Insane	I would agree with what she's saying. The primary exception would probably be Las Vegas, where the destination is the hotel/casinos. I suppose you could still go to an off-the-strip cheap hotel and visit the nice ones, but then I suppose you're missing out on what's in the room.

04-08-2009, 07:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
highthief Junkie Location: Ontario, Canada	She's a hack who is being sensationalistic in order to get her piece published and read. I'd wager the hotel staff she seems to have a problem with are far more genuine than her. __________________ Si vis pacem parabellum.

04-08-2009, 04:50 PM	#15 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	This reads like white liberal guilt re-tread for the crumbling global economy. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

04-12-2009, 03:15 PM	#16 (permalink)
Savinkov Upright Location: the Rust Belt	I've never experienced the least microscopic trace of pointed disapproval or mockery from any service staff at any hotel I have stayed at. Indeed, I'm relieved to be sufficiently plebian in my income and breeding that stays at such resorts are out of the question for me. If I want to snicker at fatuous patricians and the disconnect between their bank balance and their sense of good taste, all I need to do is listen to my clients at work. No overnight stays needed. __________________ "What is the thing we crave most in life? The sense that someone somewhere remembers and loves us. Even better if we love them in return. Anything can be endured if that idea holds fast." -- Martin Cruz Smith, RED SQUARE

04-14-2009, 06:34 AM	#19 (permalink)
Tully Mars Living in a Warmer Insanity Super Moderator Location: Yucatan, Mexico	Oh crap! I look like the whitest motherfucker around? Damn where'd I put that Wonder Bread and mayo? __________________ I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club