Sultana

Your voice, that is. I'm preparing to debut my new "Naughty Hermione" burly set in Hollywood this Thursday, and I really could use a hand.

It's like this: "Hermione" comes out to the light, tinkling sounds of the prologue, in her robe and with her wand. Then, conflict music! She's attacked and loses the duel. There's a pause while she pulls herself together and then surveys the damage. Cut to the frist 10 seconds of Britney Spears "One More Time" as Hermione opens her robe in horror to reveal a slutty Hogwarts schoolgirl uniform (complete with Gryffindor tie). Then cut to Sammy Davis Jr.'s "That Old Black Magic".

Here's where I need your help: For the end, I need a short voice over of the following phrase:

"Children, say hello to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts Instructor..."

It must be done in a British accent. Males preferred, but will consider women if done well. Must be sexy (think Alan Rickman or Kathleen Turner). Must be emailed to me (pm me for address) in MP3 format by Wed, Aug. 8.

If selected, you will not get any money. Ever. I barely make money doing this (that's how you know it's art)! You will however receive my profuse gratitude, the glory of Burlesque, and bragging rights (not insubstantial!).

Thanks all.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

ngdawg

Can't do British, but after a few cigs, I can do a mean Kathleen Turner
Tec does a good Briddish, but being in Kentucky right now, it might come off sounding more like Michael Waltrip

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

ShaniFaye

I've always been compared to Kathleen, but alas no british lol

I SO hope someone tapes this, I really want to see it

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Borla

I don't think I do a very good British accent.

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Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde!!!!

shesus

I'm so wishing I could make it out to see this show.

I hope you find a voice soon!

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

tecoyah

I would be happy to do the voice over....mines an ok accent

Lemme know

World's King

The only way I'm gonna be in one of your shows is if I get to take my clothes off.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Sultana

Eventually I may need a lonely goatherd for my "Heidi Hoe and Her Fabulous Dancing Goats" set...got lederhosen?

Please, I'd be most grateful.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

ratbastid

I can do an English accent, if there's not too much text. And I have a good voice-over voice. I narrated a couple student films in college, including one of my own.... The challenge will be recording something clean enough for you to use with the equipment I have at hand. Let me try it and get back to you.

snowy

Naughty Hermione! Bewitching the mind and ensnaring the senses, I'm sure.

I definitely want to see pictures of your set when you perform it--a video would be even better!

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

longbough

"Naughty Hermione"?

Sultana, you realize you're sending this Catholic boy to hell, fast, don't you?

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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi

xepherys

Yeah, I second that.

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The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible...
-- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato

My Homepage

World's King

Yes. I do. Two sets actually. One real set and one black and red vinyl set.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Willravel

I can do an Alan Rickman. I'll try to remember when I get home tonight.

Sultana

I have to admit this excited me a bit...

willravel, please do!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Willravel

I still think Allen Rickman sounds like a british Zoidberg, but that's just me. Will do.

ShaniFaye

I want to hear you do Alan Rickman.....

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Willravel

Okay, I've made about a dozen recordings and I've discovered that my daughter is the only person who thinks I can do a Rickman impression. It's just getting worse, too. I'm starting to sound like I've got gumballs in my mouth, and I can't stop. Yeesh.

Sorry.

I can do a regular brit accent, though.

Sultana

Hey, *I'll* be the judge of that!

Bring it!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Plan9

Hell, I'll do it.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

longbough

Sad to say that, after living in the UK for a year, I learned more of a Billy Bragg accent than a Rickman.

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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi

Sultana

Don't forget to send your voice overs to me, I need to email my music to the show producer tonight, so the sooner the better.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Plan9

Sorry, I still sound like Nicholas Cage. (hangs head)

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Sultana

I'm sad, folks--I didn't get one single attempt. So I guess the ending will have to wait until the next time that set is booked.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

ratbastid

Oh, shoot, I'm sorry... I didn't see your post about the deadline.

I'll figure out a way to cleanly record my voice within the next day or two so you can be ready for next time.

Daniel_

Only just seen this.

Given that I am British, I guess I could have helped.

When I first phoned the office of my wife (after our first date) her workmate told her that "a man with a voice like melted chocolate" rang.

I can do anything from Jammie Oliver style "esturine/cockney", through Kenneth Branagh style "generic middle class" right up to Rupert Everett syle "prince charming/upper-class twit".

If I can find myself a microphone, I'll see what I can do - failing that, PM me your phone number, and get a microphone ready at your end...

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Sultana

"Melted chocolate" sounds wonderful to me. Let's do this!

Well, at least you can see the ad for the show if you care to:
Victory Variety Hour

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Daniel_

/me looks for microphone...

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Midnight

rofl... and I've done voice over work.... wish the deadline hadn't been before I arrived here. I'm a woman..... but I can do any accent you like.

Melted chocolate... niiiiice... I dont get that... I get "Holy f*ck Chas! Can your gal call me and talk me to sleep every night? Who the hell needs phone sex.."

*evil grin*

Oh well.