shoe

Im not even sure this goes in here..move it if you believe it doesnt.

I just told my love interest for the past months i couldnt be friends with her anymore. I already wrote about this girl several weeks ago. She had the heartbreaking habit of leading someone on thinking she was in love, only to rip them apart when she finally decides that 'no' and moves on to some other target. Her reaction when i told her ? "Oh , its ok then" Well , what a mighty fucking meaningful friendship this was for you, you lying bitch. Although i have learned this, in the end, no one cares.

I dont want to sound like this whiny romantic nice guy loser who cant get the girl, but she was the only thing that made me happy in a long time. Although she did make me want to fucking kill myself as much as she did make me happy, atleast their was happiness eh ? But now its gone , heh. I dont understand how someone can love one, and forget about them so rapidly. How is that even possible? I rarely fall for girls but when i do it is quite incredible. Even more incredible that it NEVER FUCKING WORKS OUT. Sorry for the bursts of anger. Ah.. if only i could forget these past months things would be much better. Well, atleast i can rely on someone showing up when you least expect it. Oh no i cant.. that last girl i am talking about was this unexpected girl. I am increasingly tired of being lonely.. and i go in deeper.

I realize i have a problem here. Yes , bad thoughts have been brewing inside of me. I have spoken of suicide in the last thread also.. but i juste feel like i am alone in a crowd. How do i stay motivated? It just seems as if im in this huge void. Nothing for me now but past memories and nothing to look forward too. I thought i was emotionally stronger than this, thought that with reason and logic i could control myself but i was wrong. As this is quite soul consuming. Yes, i've heard the usual advice like talking to your friends , getting your mind off her, keeping busy, meeting new people but frankly, all of this is relatively easy to say. Or theres always the " What doesnt kill you makes you stronger" classic which i feel is utter bullshit.

Its more than a good time for change. So..anyone ? A shred of hope, something to hold on too, a helping hand to pull me back from under. Anything.