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That was a _hard_ read. Aside from that, just take it in stages. As with kissing: there's a lot of open ground between a closed-mouth kiss and tongues: play with the lips, kiss them individually, that sort of thing. There are also fun, silly things to do that are sensual but not threatening. Ever do a butterfly kiss? Tell her you're going to give her one (she won't have a clue). The get your eye straight up to her cheek and brush it with your eyelashes. It's silly and it's strange and women like it.
The point is, you both seem wound so tight that I'm not sure you're ever going to be spontaneous enough for things to happen. Analog's right about communication, but before that comes fun and play. If you're not acting goofy together while you hug -- if it's all deadly serious and the world seems to be riding on your every move -- you're never going to get there, mentally or physically.
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