Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Need Help: Paralyzed by Fear of Embarrassment/Rejection.

Pink Floyd · 12-30-2003, 02:04 PM

Well the subject line sums it up fairly well. I've been reading here for quite some time, yet this is my first thread. The reason for this is quite simple: I haven't had a significant other for quite some time. There is a multitude of reasons for this including all the character flaws I have. I consider myself to have low self-esteem and VERY shy.

More than half of my close friends are girls. I find it easy to talk to them and become close with them, on a purely platonic level. Since I've turned 17, and subsequently received my license, I've had the opportunity to spend more time and hang out with my friends rather than just speak with them.

Of all my friends there is one girl that I've been seeing for about 5 weeks that I've really come to like. We spend a lot of time together and always end up having a good time together, even if there is nothing to do. I told her one night on the phone that how I felt about her and that I would like to be more than just friends and she said she was glad that I was able to tell her and that she felt the same way about me.

The problem is that now that I am finally in what seems to be a good state of affairs I have no idea what to do. When we're together I can't bring myself to make a move on her or even touch her in a nonchalant way. There have been a few situations where I clearly should have done something, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Another aspect of the situation that confuses me is that before when we were just friends and talked a lot she would always tell me about these crazy things that she would do when she was out with her friends. Judging by what I thought about her personality it seems odd that she has not yet taken the initiative. So from that I would gather that she doesn't like me. Yet what is even more perplexing is that after rather calm, relaxed nights without any kind of sexual contact she still calls me the next day to see if I want to hang out.

And for the record I did kiss her once. It was pretty much a good night type thing after I dropped her off at her house on Christmas. However, the next time I saw her I felt again like I couldn't do anything. It seems that unless the situation is set up perfectly I am too afraid to do anything for fear of humiliation. In short, I'm feeling rather British. That being that I would rather have almost anything else happen as long as I don't have to go through the embarrassment of doing something stupid or being rejected in one way or another.

So... Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone else have any suggestions for me?

12-30-2003, 02:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Pink Floyd Banned	Need Help: Paralyzed by Fear of Embarrassment/Rejection. Well the subject line sums it up fairly well. I've been reading here for quite some time, yet this is my first thread. The reason for this is quite simple: I haven't had a significant other for quite some time. There is a multitude of reasons for this including all the character flaws I have. I consider myself to have low self-esteem and VERY shy. More than half of my close friends are girls. I find it easy to talk to them and become close with them, on a purely platonic level. Since I've turned 17, and subsequently received my license, I've had the opportunity to spend more time and hang out with my friends rather than just speak with them. Of all my friends there is one girl that I've been seeing for about 5 weeks that I've really come to like. We spend a lot of time together and always end up having a good time together, even if there is nothing to do. I told her one night on the phone that how I felt about her and that I would like to be more than just friends and she said she was glad that I was able to tell her and that she felt the same way about me. The problem is that now that I am finally in what seems to be a good state of affairs I have no idea what to do. When we're together I can't bring myself to make a move on her or even touch her in a nonchalant way. There have been a few situations where I clearly should have done something, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Another aspect of the situation that confuses me is that before when we were just friends and talked a lot she would always tell me about these crazy things that she would do when she was out with her friends. Judging by what I thought about her personality it seems odd that she has not yet taken the initiative. So from that I would gather that she doesn't like me. Yet what is even more perplexing is that after rather calm, relaxed nights without any kind of sexual contact she still calls me the next day to see if I want to hang out. And for the record I did kiss her once. It was pretty much a good night type thing after I dropped her off at her house on Christmas. However, the next time I saw her I felt again like I couldn't do anything. It seems that unless the situation is set up perfectly I am too afraid to do anything for fear of humiliation. In short, I'm feeling rather British. That being that I would rather have almost anything else happen as long as I don't have to go through the embarrassment of doing something stupid or being rejected in one way or another. So... Is it normal to feel like this? Does anyone else have any suggestions for me?