Prince

I don't know if this is a rant or a question. Judge for yourself, should you bother reading through this.

She claims I'm ruining Christmas for her. She's always loved Christmas, it is her favourite holiday of all. As for me, I used to enjoy Christmas as a child, but as I grew older the holidays got darker tones. The last few Christmas holidays before my parents split up were filled with alcohol, adultery, and a lot of yelling. Ok, I'm past that, as I should be, but along the way I've gained a somewhat sarcastic, cynical side to myself. And I think it is this side of me that's ruining Christmas for her.

We were driving down to see her parents a week or so ago. Seeing her parents is always stressful for me, seeing as they like me about as much as I like them (Well, it's hard to really come to like your in-laws when their goal in life seems to be to see that your marriage doesn't last). I was really not in the mood for jolly ho ho ho Christmas tunes, and least of all the ones sung by Jewel - an artist whose vocal style just happens to irritate me to no end.

I didn't say anything, but I guess the expression on my face was enough to piss her off. She got ticked off and cried and made a big deal out of how I am ruining Christmas for her by not getting into the whole Christmas spirit.

Well, some time passes and I feel a bit more Christmasy now, but this morning she gets pissed at me for some irrelevant thing, and we parted on not the best of terms. Now, I usually do not like letting her leave for work in a bad mood. One time I ran after her and kissed and hugged her at the parking lot so her day wouldn't be ruined by the early morning arguing.

This morning she got pissed because I lifted the cat by the tail. I know that sounds bad, and no I didn't lift the cat up from it, I just did that thing where you put your hand around the tail, gently at the base of it, and then move your hand up so the tail slides through your palm, so to speak, but about 2/3 into the tail I lifted the cat a bit, so that its back paws barely got off the ground. I've done this to many a cat, and none of them any more than this one made anything of it. It's a thing of affection and kind of a prank at the same time, and I saw my grandfather do that now and then, growing up. Guess that's where I picked it up, but my wife flew off the handle saying that it isn't "nice". Geez there's that word again. If the cat doesn't mind, if it doesn't hurt her, wtf is the difference. Why does everything have to be so damn PC all the time? I mean, I'm a prankster at heart, she knows that. A prankster...not a sadist.

When I dropped her off this morning, she turned around as if she was expecting me to say something, to apologize maybe, but I just drove off.

I dunno. I guess there are two things at play here...for one thing, I feel like I am usually the one who gives in, apologizes, the one who's wrong, the one who fucked up. Also, I'm living in south Texas now, snow is but a dream here, as opposed to the huge piles of snow they have in my native country this time of year. It is hard for me to get into the Christmas spirit when Christmas in the past has been more a source of agony than joy for me, and when nothing around me even remotely reminds me of 'Christmas'.

I try to be unselfish and get into this Christmas spirit, but I have to wonder as to how I can make that happen and not just be faking it. I've grown to be a relatively bitter man, I must say, if I can't suffer through even one Christmas jingle without getting irritable.

I guess there are things that need to be worked out. I don't know why it is typically during the holidays that people start dealing with shit that they otherwise mostly just ignore.

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