Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Guys--how do you get over infidelity? (vent warning)

telekinetic2 · 10-08-2003, 08:10 PM

Hey,

I was just wondering if/how any of you have patched things up with someone who cheated on you.

My general story is that I went on vacation for a week with some old friends, my girlfriend didn't come. She had a personal crisis the day I left, and I almost came home that day to be with her and comfort her...but she said to stay and enjoy my vacation. So I just used up 500 cell phone minutes calling her a couple times a day to make sure she was OK.

However, over the course of the next couple weeks, I found out she had been calling this guy she met online every night I was gone to comfort her so she could sleep, and ended up going to his place and 'just falling asleep by her self on the couch'.--i believed her that she just fell asleep without even questioning it.

Along every stage of my slow discovery process, every time i would find something out *always from a source other than her* she would tell me I knew everything. There were about four different times where I would find out something new, and she would tell me I knew everything.

I had forgiven her for being lonely while I was gone, it bothered me but, whatever...but I found out several weeks later, and fifth hand, she'd actually slept with him. After I found out, I confronted her and told her I knew something she didn't think I would find out, and she had one more chance to tell me....and she didn't.

I'm still with her, and thoughts of him and her together bother me just about every day...I'll be going about my business, and BAM I'll see or hear something that will remind me of her, and somehow that snaps a shot of him and her fucking or cuddling or kissing into my head. I'll see a couple together, and suddenly I picture it being him and her...every time I think of anything sexual, it's him and her.....

I'd rather get over it..I'm in therapy for it, actually. She says she was at a confusing point in our relationship, and I should just get over it (I get the impression she wishes I never found out about it).

She is done with the whole situation and doesn't want to talk about it anymore....but insists that by being wary of her relations with guys (who are from the same group of friends as the guy she cheated on me with was from) I'm being ridiculous.

*sigh*

Anyone have any helpful input/advice? I'm in therapy (primarly for this), but that's only once a month and its $$$ as all hell...so I figured I'd vent here as well. Any ideas on how I can not be a jealous boyfriend, and yet still be comfortable and be able to trust her again?

Thanks in advance, guys...feel free to share your own stories, or respond to mine.

10-08-2003, 08:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	Guys--how do you get over infidelity? (vent warning) Hey, I was just wondering if/how any of you have patched things up with someone who cheated on you. My general story is that I went on vacation for a week with some old friends, my girlfriend didn't come. She had a personal crisis the day I left, and I almost came home that day to be with her and comfort her...but she said to stay and enjoy my vacation. So I just used up 500 cell phone minutes calling her a couple times a day to make sure she was OK. However, over the course of the next couple weeks, I found out she had been calling this guy she met online every night I was gone to comfort her so she could sleep, and ended up going to his place and 'just falling asleep by her self on the couch'.--i believed her that she just fell asleep without even questioning it. Along every stage of my slow discovery process, every time i would find something out always from a source other than her she would tell me I knew everything. There were about four different times where I would find out something new, and she would tell me I knew everything. I had forgiven her for being lonely while I was gone, it bothered me but, whatever...but I found out several weeks later, and fifth hand, she'd actually slept with him. After I found out, I confronted her and told her I knew something she didn't think I would find out, and she had one more chance to tell me....and she didn't. I'm still with her, and thoughts of him and her together bother me just about every day...I'll be going about my business, and BAM I'll see or hear something that will remind me of her, and somehow that snaps a shot of him and her fucking or cuddling or kissing into my head. I'll see a couple together, and suddenly I picture it being him and her...every time I think of anything sexual, it's him and her..... I'd rather get over it..I'm in therapy for it, actually. She says she was at a confusing point in our relationship, and I should just get over it (I get the impression she wishes I never found out about it). She is done with the whole situation and doesn't want to talk about it anymore....but insists that by being wary of her relations with guys (who are from the same group of friends as the guy she cheated on me with was from) I'm being ridiculous. sigh Anyone have any helpful input/advice? I'm in therapy (primarly for this), but that's only once a month and its $$$ as all hell...so I figured I'd vent here as well. Any ideas on how I can not be a jealous boyfriend, and yet still be comfortable and be able to trust her again? Thanks in advance, guys...feel free to share your own stories, or respond to mine.