If you're already doing what you can (seeing a counselor) and things aren't getting any better, then you really need to reevaluate the relationship and your views on where it is headed.
Like you said, you are your own person; however, it is you who has the problem here. As you have stated in a few entries, you cannot get past your perceptions of her altered personality. If you're constantly reminded of this "down-side" every time you look at her, think of her, talk to her or do anything else regarding her, then it's fairly clear that you are either unwilling or unable to get around that sticking-point.
Work some more with the counselor, and then either fish or cut bait.
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