Quote:
Originally posted by Dano069
I've already been through an intermediary, that's how I found out she wants no contact. She told the CI (Confidential Intermediary) that she has a "heart problem" Well, that pins it down now doesn't it?
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Not to disrupt the general consensus here, but I feel that if you want to know about possible hereditary conditions, she should at least be more specific. I think you should contact her somehow. Since she doesn't want contact, I'd recommend some private non-invasive manner. For instance, I think the card is a good idea, although I wouldn't make it too anonymous. I'd leave a return address on the envelope, but without a name. That way, if she thinks it's you in the picture, she can choose to write and ask or not.
Personally, I think the fact that you are her child by birth gives you the right to contact her despite her wishes, especially if you're concerned about health conditions. She let you into this world, even if you were given up for adoption, you are still one of her responsibilities. Giving a child up for adoption doesn't make you scott free of all responsibility over them. If she wants to keep you a secret, that's her problem, but you're her offspring. Family is family. You deserve to know.
It seems I've had a completely different experience with adoption than most posting here. Both of my parents were adopted in rather strange circumstances. My father was not legally adopted so his birth certificate was not sealed. In 24 hours, he managed to locate both parents via phone. The story of how he came to be adopted was rather melodramatic and suddenly we became part of this large, in-the-blood, family. It was extremely surreal. I'm glad he got the random urge he did to contact his parents because if he had waited any longer, I would have never met my paternal grandfather or grandmother. They died a few years after we established contact.
As for my mother (and my uncles), she knows who her mother is and I believe her father is deceased. I'm not sure, though, because she avoids talking about them. Her mother will sometimes send Christmas cards, but I've never seen them as my mother seems to think her mother is some sort of dark secret. All she has to do is fill out some papers to find out about other relatives and contact them. She doesn't though and it angers me. She won't even find out for her own children--my sister and I both want to know about the family on her side. We know her mother has a condition and we want to know if there is any pattern within the family to know how likely it is that we could develop a similar condition. She seems to hold a similar opinion as some people on this thread, but it's frustrating because I want to know. This is one of the reasons why I have so much resentment toward her. Grr!
Anyway, I say do it. You have every right to know about any possible medical conditions.