Dude,
Yes it could be because she's psychologically damaged.
No it is not all about the orgasm.
Yes you could be trying too hard.
But people... the point here is that she wants to have an orgasm, he wants her to have an orgasm, and neither of them feel that it is absolutely imparative, just that it would be nice.
I have had a couple of girls with this problem in the past. Here's how I overcame it. I usually got them to orgasm on a night when they did not know i was trying. In other words don't force it.
Licking: I found the best way (sit down, your in for a long haul) is to lick all around the pussy, getting her wet and excited as you usually do. Then, very gently, suck on her clit. Not hard... your just trying to get a little extra blood in there not trying to suck the top off a muffin. Make little circles around her clit, no hard direct contact. Do this for 20 min?!?!?! If she starts to get really excited, resist the urge to do it harder or faster, this is important, keep the rhythm.
As for intercourse, you lay on your back, have her lay on top of you. You spread your legs, she should close hers. Have her arch her hips forward a little so her clit rubs your pubic bone. all of her weight should be on you, the only part of her touching the bed should be her toes and hands. Once shes sliding up and down, your job is to lay there and not cum. Touch her, kiss her, moan and groan, but don't go soft. This could take a while. She should get into a really good rocking motion. Again, let her control the speed and rhythm. Try to hold out till after she orgasms.
I've had girls that could cum at the first lick, but these techniques seemed to have worked for the girls who were a little harder to make cum. I found also that once someone "learns" to orgasm, they can do it easier next time. After she does it a couple of times on her own, when she starts to get close to orgasm, tell her to tighten or stretch every muscle in her body and to hold her breath as long as possible. She'll be puddy in your hands.
Anyway, this works for me. Let me know if it works for any of you people out there.
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