Quote:
Originally posted by Randerolf
[B]A tale that I wrote a while back...
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“I have trouble acting normal when I’m nervous. "
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Is that from Counting Crows, 'Round Here'? That line, if so, is right up there with "every time she sneezes I believe it's love".
I like this vignette, and the sense of comfort without sexuality that can arise between the sexes. However, I find the style a little... anecdotal, for the want of a better word, and a little plain to appeal to me in a way that transcends the content alone. In a way it almost seems as if you recognise this and try to over-compensate with excessively polysyllabic words such as 'conjectured', which doesn't really fit the almost quotidian charm of the piece. This, along with the occasional grammatical mistake, such as lack of hyphenation, and the misspelling of 'beckoned' make it look like you're trying too hard - maybe your work would gain that little extra something by ignoring the expectations of others and working more closely from what you know. I hope this helps, and keep up the good work.