*shakes head*
What part of "forsaking all others" did she not understand?
And I have to say that you seem a bit naive. She's meeting guys 8 months before you get married, and shortly before the wedding you find out she's having an affair with a female friend. And neither of these things were a big red waving warning flag to you? Sorry to beat you up when you're already suffering, but this can't have been a huge shock.
Male, female, penetration, no penetration, if you're not okay with what she's doing, she's cheating and it's up to you to decide what you can live with. If you've already made clear what you expect from her, and she's not willing to give it to you, then I'd say this "marriage" is over. Otherwise, one of two things needs to happen: you need to broaden your definition of acceptable married behavior, or she needs to live up to the commitment she made when she married you. If both of you can't live with one or the other of these choices, I'd say you have no respectable choice except to end the relationship. If you're willing to try to save it, I'd suggest some couples therapy cause hell if I know how to get through to her if she thinks what she's doing is okay.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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