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Ohh what a tough situation. You definitely need to talk, it may not be as cut and dried as giving her an ultimatum and walking.
Does she see herself as bi-sexual rather than just mucking around? This is important. You need to discuss it. If it is just mucking around she should stop for you. Explain to her how she has severely diminished your trust in her (this is obvious by the fact you're just happening to be on her computer and happening to find emails between the two of them). If she's bi find out if she 'needs' (not wants) to be with a woman. Explain why you're uncomfortable with her friend. Explain why you feel she is cheating on you, ask her to detail to you the reasons why it's not cheating beyond "it's a woman". Maybe that will make her see the reasoning behind your feelings and why you are so upset.
She married you and cheating on you with anyone doesn't really go with the whole "love & honour" sentiment.
Good luck with it, my heart goes out to you.
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