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Even though the story excerpt is written in loose and artistic style, you hold to a good pattern of discussion and avoid the common stream-of-consciousness trap. For example, your analogies between food and the character's family appear repeatedly in recognizable format. This gives the reader the feeling that he is in good hands and you have something to say.
On the same note, I would avoid interjections like this one:
Cha siu, barbequed pork. The meat of his meal, the soul of his life.
Not that this is bad writing, but it doesn't fit into the overall feel of your prose. When I came across it, I was surprised that you had suddenly included this kind of poetic sing-song statement in what is otherwise very organized writing. I halted and repeated those two sentences several times in my head, thinking more about the way you had written them than what they said. This is a definite sign that you have increased the author's visibility too much.
In general, I would give this a high mark. Most impressive is that you have managed to include intimate detail and painless exposition about the character in what is obviously a tense part of the story.
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