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Give the guy two giant sacks of money with big dollar signs on them and put him on TV. At least people will be looking then. Hey, we should get them looking for WMD's while we're at it.
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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy
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