If you are looking for a quiet, not-quite-in-the-box (is that a pun? do I care?) and undemanding way to begin to untangle your thoughts around the OP. I suggest you begin writing for blogs/literotica sites. Even better (because TFP appreciates membership contributions and your net-voice sounds like you are a knowledgeable, skilled communicator) write erotica as a form of exploration and therapy right here in the writing Creativity section of TFP. You get to mull over, explore, and even really push things in a mental laboratory way while being both creative and sharing in a safe, non-confrontational and rather controlled environment that still gets feedback from a range of 2D folks (such as myself
).
Not saying my suggestion would bear any fruit other than you having put words in a row somewhere online, but it is a start, and I am always a proponent of exercising one's creativity as an approach to such personal and contemplative issues.