Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9
Goddamnit, I really wish my alternate personalities would stop posting anonymously.
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Here's the thing:
Just because you're bored doesn't mean you're going to find something better elsewhere. Turns out the whole "spark" thing is bullshit, Hoss. Relationships are work: tedious and require sacrifice. You know what produces sparks? The pro-reproduction reward chemicals in your head reacting to novelty. It's a biological trick to keep you looking for the next best thing. Anyscwhays, you've been with old girl for a while now and you know her and are comfortable, right? That and you're 23 and have the attention span of a friggin' rodent. I've been there. Reevaluate your situation with her. Don't waste a whole lot of time making a decision, though. You don't want to blow sunshine up her ass to maintain the relationship when you're one foot out the door mentally. I've had girlfriends do that to me before. Not cool. Nobody wants to cuddle up to a body that has a brain in someone else's bed.
What's your relationship inventory look like? Is this girl secretly awesome or is she just someone you settled for because she was there? Is she getting fat and/or turning Republican? Take a look at what you have now and see if it matches up with what you "need," not just what you "want." Very truly I tell you, there isn't a heterosexual man on the planet born after 1978 that wants to bang just one woman for the rest of his natural life, but some of us make that hard choice because that one woman is good at tasks beyond milking our screaming prostate. Take Jazz's advice and talk with her about how you feel (or don't, in this case). Hell, read her your original post. If I had taken Jazz's advice at any point in the last couple of years I'd probably have had a relationship that lasted longer than 18 months. Oops, I think I just busted on my own credibility. Yeah, I'm not a genius, so take my advice lightly.
As the old adage goes: Love is a duty; it is not a celebration of [the good times]. It is the mutual survival of [things that totally suck].
The issue here that concerns me here is the moving involved. We've all been there: you move in together and then all of a sudden one partner has to move somewhere far away to satisfy some educational / employment ambition. If you don't want to move due to friends / job / whatever, then you need to evaluate your relationship in a different light. I had to break up with a long time girlfriend after my last career change because she refused to move to my location and I had no choice but to stay put. That's life. Ask any long distance relationship victim; you'll find there's no substitute for being there.
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Great post, man.
Relationships are work. In good relationships, I think that you WANT to do the work, but there's no denying that there's a lot of maintenance to do on a good relationship.
I think in general the men here have given some good advice to the OP, but OP, at some point--regardless of your age--you are going to have to realize that the spark in ANY relationship does fade, and what keeps the relationship going is the work you put into it. You get what you give.
Think of that spark like a light with a dimmer switch: sometimes it's really bright (like at the beginning of a relationship, and 9er is right: your body is pumping you full of stuff like oxytocin and dopamine to make you feel really, really gooood and connected with that person), sometimes it's dim, sometimes it's off, but sometimes it comes flaring back when you least expect it--usually because of the work you put into it. Also, there are ways to manipulate your own neurotransmitters to your own benefit. Want to feel bonded with your lover? Try massage.