There are a number of reasons that your system might not've liked the 4 GB -- most likely culprit in my mind is your motherboard not being compatible, which may or may not be fixable with a BIOS update.
One possibility is not that Windows XP won't run with 4 GB. Windows XP runs fine with 4 GB, even if it's not fully addressable.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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