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I've stayed friends with most of my ex's. I've been the ex who was viewed (at first at least) as a threat that'd try to derail the relationship. The truth was after a relationship, you share parts of yourself you don't share with your closest friends... and I like to hold on to connections like that.
With that being said, you REALLY need to assert yourself with this girl. Let her know it's ok to be friends with this guy, but you will no longer play second fiddle. Don't fool yourself, you may be "dating" her but all of her affections and emotions are currently tied in with him. Don't be surprised if this ends your relationship, but it'd be the only way for this to possibly end in you two having a successful emotional relationship.
End of story is that she won't make any emotional progress until you force a decision upon her. Right now she has the bad boy and the good boy at the same time, and as much as she says claims she wants to cry she's not willing to give it up.
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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas
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