Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Shauk · 07-06-2010, 03:14 PM

So been seeing this girl for a month, was told she was fresh out of a breakup, but she wanted to see me/be with me regardless. Now in parallel, her ex has become increasingly douchey despite their attempt to remain friends.

I don't think I measure up to this guy in terms of compatibility, they do seem to have a bit more in common compared to myself, but overall I can honestly say I feel like I'm a better guy.

Anyways I guess he never wanted the relationship to work out, but he played along at her expense, because he wasn't all that in to her and more interested in his school & music lifestyle than her, a second and important note, it was a long distance relationship which only resulted in 3 meetups.

Downplaying aside, she still felt like she was totally in love with the guy and he just shit in her cheerios.

Somehow they managed to agree on attempting to remain friends but he's doing a halfassed job of it, yet he still seems interested in emotionally dominating her from afar.

I don't understand what kind of difficulties this really presents to our relationship, if any.

I'm secure in the fact that she's really in to me, but I'm also understanding she's still recovering from the 2 1/2 years of pantomiming a relationship in the fanciful medium of the internet & phone realms.

The whole friendship faltering is effecting her emotionally, wrecking her on some days where she just wants to cry and mourn the loss of friendship. But it also doesn't stop her from trying to talk it out with him.

I've simply stated that I'm there for her, but I don't want to be her rebound counselor, and that I think her energies would be better spent elsewhere instead of on something that causes her so much grief.

The way I see it, if I were to get inside her hopelessly optimistic mindset, she wishes she could utter the magic words to make him see his folly, drop his entire lifestyle to the wind and move to be with her in some overly romantic gesture, the fact that I'm pretty sure if this were ever to be some sort of reality, I'd be quickly discarded.

one month isn't time to earn the loyalty of choice between a 2 1/2 year relationship.

So yes, this is baggage she needs to deal with, I haven't got a clue how it gets dealt with, I had my own, I cut it off, the friendship thing didnt work. She may come to realize that sooner than later in her own time.

So... Patience or Assistance?

07-06-2010, 03:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	How to proceed with "girlfriend" So been seeing this girl for a month, was told she was fresh out of a breakup, but she wanted to see me/be with me regardless. Now in parallel, her ex has become increasingly douchey despite their attempt to remain friends. I don't think I measure up to this guy in terms of compatibility, they do seem to have a bit more in common compared to myself, but overall I can honestly say I feel like I'm a better guy. Anyways I guess he never wanted the relationship to work out, but he played along at her expense, because he wasn't all that in to her and more interested in his school & music lifestyle than her, a second and important note, it was a long distance relationship which only resulted in 3 meetups. Downplaying aside, she still felt like she was totally in love with the guy and he just shit in her cheerios. Somehow they managed to agree on attempting to remain friends but he's doing a halfassed job of it, yet he still seems interested in emotionally dominating her from afar. I don't understand what kind of difficulties this really presents to our relationship, if any. I'm secure in the fact that she's really in to me, but I'm also understanding she's still recovering from the 2 1/2 years of pantomiming a relationship in the fanciful medium of the internet & phone realms. The whole friendship faltering is effecting her emotionally, wrecking her on some days where she just wants to cry and mourn the loss of friendship. But it also doesn't stop her from trying to talk it out with him. I've simply stated that I'm there for her, but I don't want to be her rebound counselor, and that I think her energies would be better spent elsewhere instead of on something that causes her so much grief. The way I see it, if I were to get inside her hopelessly optimistic mindset, she wishes she could utter the magic words to make him see his folly, drop his entire lifestyle to the wind and move to be with her in some overly romantic gesture, the fact that I'm pretty sure if this were ever to be some sort of reality, I'd be quickly discarded. one month isn't time to earn the loyalty of choice between a 2 1/2 year relationship. So yes, this is baggage she needs to deal with, I haven't got a clue how it gets dealt with, I had my own, I cut it off, the friendship thing didnt work. She may come to realize that sooner than later in her own time. So... Patience or Assistance?