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o geez. i dont know if i've "recovered" from anything. and my idea was to stop for a while so i could smoke once in a while. so i wanted to get to the place of being a smoker who chooses not to smoke, but its gotten a bit out of hand and i've not smoked for 8 1/2 weeks. and stopping was a bitch. it really was. for a while. it was hundreds of little decisions to not light up at that moment. the big one "i quit" ended up meaning nothing, really, beyond putting all the little decisions into motion. i'm not sure i'd bother with the discourse of personal responsibility in this...if thats how you're thinking about stopping chances are you won't. you just have to want to do it. then keep wanting to do it across all those little decisions.
its definitely an addiction. it has withdrawal patterns. it sucks quitting. i'm glad i have so far. actually it sucked enough that the process of quitting is what's pushed me off my initial plan. personal responsibility had nothing to do with it.
i'm not saying anything about that discourse of responsibility one way or another for other people btw. whatever works, you know?
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a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear
it make you sick.
-kamau brathwaite
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