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Frankly, Shell is quite right: your ex sounds like a toxic enough person that it's probably worth not dating anyone she knows, just to stay clear of her and people like her.
On the other hand, if you seriously want to date this girl who's your ex's bff, it's important to recall that the only reason not to date her would be if you were still close friends with your ex, following an amicable breakup, and therefore didn't want to hurt her. Even then, if you had a serious yen for her friend, I would say, ask your ex.
But you didn't have an amicable breakup with your ex. She sounds, in point of fact, like a complete bitch. Therefore, you owe her nothing. Therefore, if you want to date her best friend, do it. Hell, if you want to send her live color video of you shagging her best friend on the hood of your ex's car, you're probably justified in that, too.
Dating you may pose some problem for this girl, the best friend, but that's not your problem.
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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
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