archetypal fool

It's been a little while since I've been to TFP, but if there's one online community I know I can trust for good advice, it's right here.

Recently a girl I knew a few years back found me on Facebook and was really interested in hanging out again, which I found unusual because we were never really that close back then. Now we started hanging out for a little while, doing things with friends here and there, and in that time I've discovered that she's amazing, everything I could want in a woman and more. Not only that, she was always interested in hanging out where ever I was, sometimes going way out of her way to hang out... so I figured, maybe she feels something for me too?

So here's where I fucked things up, in true form. I was out partying with friends last night, getting all kinds of wasted (Spring Break has ended, but we needed another night to de-stress), when the topic of relationships came up, which always makes me feel like crap because I'm perhaps the least successful man on earth when it comes to women. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about this girl, and, with help from my drunken friends, I'd decided that after sobering up I would have to make a move and let her know how I felt. That's when she called, out of the blue, and invited us to a small party at her place that night - beer pong, video games, and other stuff we're into. (didn't I say she was awesome?).

When we arrived, I was already drunk, but not drunk enough to decline beer pong (can you see where this is going?). An hour goes by, and I quit from exhaustion/total loss of coordination. In a spark of inebriate genius, and feeling pressured to tell her how I felt because of the discussion me and my friends had earlier, I asked her to the balcony to have a talk. Now, I don't remember words from here on (I'm sure they were inarticulate and exceptionally stupid)... but I remember being utterly crushed... and braking down emotionally right in front of her, tears and all. It was like this sudden flush of desperation and depression just flooded out of me, and I couldn't control it at all. Standing on the balcony and weeping in front of her is the last thing I remember until I woke up in my bed today. Fuck my life.

I know I fucked up, I shouldn't have told her how I felt when I was hardly able to stand from the drinking, but I haven't finished building my time machine yet. What the hell do I do now? I understand that she doesn't want to be with me, and I suppose I'm alright with that since there's really nothing I can do about it, but I don't want to lose her as a friend. How can the awkward residue of that night be overcome? I really don't want to be that pathetic guy that she'll be creeped out by forever.

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I have my own particular sorrows, loves, delights; and you have yours. But sorrow, gladness, yearning, hope, love, belong to all of us, in all times and in all places. Music is the only means whereby we feel these emotions in their universality. ~H.A. Overstreet