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While I have only had one sexual partner and he has been great with me I have suffered sexual abuse when I was younger. However it was from my brother. I told no one of it until I was 18 and I finally told my mom and dad.
I started dating my SO soon after this and I told him right away, I figured he had the right to know if I started acting weird. It didn't affect our sex life much in the beginning but a few years into the relationship I realized it was seeping out of me in a way I didn't like. I was angry for no reason and I would get irrationally mad at my SO during fights. I had a breaking point when I got so mad I hit and shoved him, and I'm no weakling. He just about had enough and I broke down felt awful and promised I would go to counseling. I did, things improved I finally told the rest of my family which helped immensely. Telling people is almost cathartic for me, it helps me to not feel ashamed anymore. I hid it for so long that I think that is why I will not post this under anonymous.
The only way this affects me now is that it makes me apprehensive to have children or at least more than one. I know its irrational to think that the same thing might happen but it seems to be a feeling that I cannot shake.
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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey
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